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The humour of Ireland

THE ROMAN EARL.

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No man’s trust let woman claim, Not the same as men are they; Let the wife withdraw her face When ye place the man in clay. Once there was in Rome an earl, Cups of pearl held his ale. Of this wealthy earl’s mate Men relate a famous tale. For it chanced that of a day, As they lay at ease reclined, He in jest pretends to die, Thus to try her secret mind. “Och, ochone! if you should die, Never I should be myself, To the poor of God I’d give All my living, lands and pelf. “Then in satin stiff with gold I should fold thy fair limbs still, Laying thee in gorgeous tomb”— Said the woman bent on ill. Soon the earl as if in death Yielded up his breath to try her; Not one promise kept his spouse Of the vows made glibly by her. Jerked into a coffin hard With a yard of canvas coarse,— To his hips it did not come— To the tomb they drove the corse. Bravely dressed was she that day, On her way to mass and grave— To God’s church and needy men Not one penny piece she gave. Up he starts, the coffined man, Calls upon his wife aloud, “Why am I thus thrust away Almost naked, with no shroud?” Then as women will when caught In a fault, with ready wit, Answered she upon the wing— Not one thing would she admit. “Winding sheets are out of date, All men state it—clad like this, When the judgment trump shall sound You can bound to God and bliss. “When in shrouds they trip and stumble, You’ll be nimble then as erst, Hence I shaped thee this short vest; You’ll run best and come in first.” Trust not to a woman’s faith, ’Tis a breath, a broken stem, Few whom they do not deceive; Let him grieve who trusts to them. Though full her house of linen web, And sheets of thread spun full and fair— A warning let it be to us— She left her husband naked there. Spake the prudent earl: “In sooth, Woman’s truth you here behold, Now let each his coffin buy Ere his wife shall get his gold. “When Death wrestles for his life, Let his wife not hear him moan, Great though be his pain and fear, Let her hear nor sigh nor groan.” Translated by Dr. Douglas Hyde from an old Irish manuscript.

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