SCENE VI.

Enter Phidippus.

Phid. (to Philumena within). I’m angry with you—’fore Heaven, very angry,

Philumena!—You’ve acted shamefully.

Though you indeed have some excuse for’t, seeing

Your mother urg’d you to’t; but she has none.

Lach. You’re come upon us in good time, Phidippus;

Just in the time we wanted you.

Phid. What now?

Pam. What answer shall I give them! how explain? (Aside.)

Lach. Inform your daughter, Sostrata will hence

Into the country; so Philumena

Need not dread coming home again.

Phid. Ah, friend!

Your wife has never been in fault at all:

All this has sprung from my wife Myrrhina.

The case is alter’d. She confounds us, Laches.

Pam. So that I may not take her home again,

Confound affairs who will! (Aside.)

Phid. I, Pamphilus,

Would fain, if possible, make this alliance

Perpetual between our families.

But if you can not like it, take the child.

Pam. He knows of her delivery. Confusion! (Aside.)

Lach. The child! what child?

Phid. We’ve got a grandson, Laches.

For when my daughter left your house, she was

With child, it seems, although I never knew it

Before this very day.

Lach. ’Fore Heav’n, good news!

And I rejoice to hear a child is born,

And that your daughter had a safe delivery.

But what a woman is your wife, Phidippus?

Of what a disposition? to conceal

Such an event as this? I can’t express

How very much I think she was to blame.

How much I think she was to blame.

Phid. This pleases me no more than you, good Laches.

Pam. Although my mind was in suspense before,

My doubts all vanish now. I’ll ne’er recall her,

Since she brings home with her another’s child. (Aside.)

Lach. There is no room for choice now, Pamphilus.

Pam. Confusion! (Aside.)

Lach. We’ve oft wish’d to see the day

When you should have a child to call you father.

That day’s now come. The Gods be thank’d!

Pam. Undone! (Aside.)

Lach. Recall your wife, and don’t oppose my will.

Pam. If she had wish’d for children by me, father,

Or to remain my wife, I’m very sure

She never would have hid this matter from me:

But now I see her heart divorc’d from me,

And think we never can agree hereafter,

Wherefore should I recall her?

Lach. A young woman

Did as her mother had persuaded her.

Is that so wonderful? and do you think

To find a woman without any fault?

—Or is’t because the men are ne’er to blame? (Ironically.)

Phid. Consider with yourselves then, gentlemen,

Whether you’ll part with her, or call her home.

What my wife does, I can not help, you know.

Settle it as you please, you’ve my consent,

But for the child, what shall be done with him?

Lach. A pretty question truly! come what may,

Send his own bantling home to him of course,

That we may educate him.

Pam. When his own

Father abandons him, I educate him?

Lach. What said you? how! not educate him, say you?

Shall we expose him rather, Pamphilus?

What madness is all this?—My breath and blood!

I can contain no longer. You oblige me

To speak, against my will, before Phidippus:

Think you I’m ignorant whence flow those tears?

Or why you’re thus disorder’d and distress’d?

First, when you gave as a pretense, you could not

Recall your wife from reverence to your mother,

She promis’d to retire into the country.

But now, since that excuse is taken from you,

You’ve made her private lying-in another.

You are mistaken if you think me blind

To your intentions—That you might at last

Bring home your stray affections to your wife,

How long a time to wean you from your mistress

Did I allow? your wild expense upon her

How patiently I bore? I press’d, entreated,

That you would take a wife. ’Twas time, I said.

At my repeated instances, you married,

And, as in duty bound to do, complied:

But now your heart is gone abroad again

After your mistress, whom to gratify,

You throw this wanton insult on your wife.

For I can plainly see you are relaps’d

Into your former life again.

Pam. Me?

Lach. You.

And ’tis base in you to invent false causes

Of quarrel with your wife, that you may live

In quiet with your mistress, having put

This witness from you. This your wife perceiv’d.

For was there any other living reason

Wherefore she should depart from you?

Phid. He’s right,

That was the very thing.

Pam. I’ll take my oath

’Twas none of those that you have mention’d.

Lach. Ah!

Recall your wife: or tell me why you will not.

Pam. ’Tis not convenient now.

Lach. Take home the child then;

For he at least is not in fault. I’ll see

About the mother afterward.

Pam. (to himself). Ev’ry way

I am a wretch, nor know I what to do:

My father has me in the toils, and I,

By struggling to get loose, am more entangled.

I’ll hence, since present I shall profit little.

For I believe they’ll hardly educate

The child against my will; especially

Seeing my step-mother will second me.

Exit.