SCENE II.

Enter at a distance Demipho—Hegio, Cratinus, Crito, following.

Dem. Was ever man so grossly treated, think ye?

—This way, Sirs, I beseech you.

Geta. He’s enrag’d!

Phor. Hist! mind your cue: I’ll work him.—(Coming forward, and speaking loud.) Oh, ye Gods!

Does he deny that Phanium’s his relation?

What, Demipho! does Demipho deny

That Phanium is his kinswoman?

Geta. He does.

Phor. And who her father was, he does not know?

Geta. No.

Dem. (to the Lawyers). Here’s the very fellow, I believe,

Of whom I have been speaking.—Follow me!

Phor. (aloud). And that he does not know who Stilpho was?

Geta. No.

Phor. Ah! because, poor thing, she’s left in want,

Her father is unknown, and she despis’d.

What will not avarice do?

Geta. If you insinuate

My master’s avaricious, woe be to you!

Dem. (behind). Oh impudence! he dares accuse me first.

Phor. As to the youth, I can not take offense,

If he had not much knowledge of him; since,

Now in the vale of years, in want, his work

His livelihood, he nearly altogether

Liv’d in the country: where he held a farm

Under my father. I have often heard

The poor old man complain that this his kinsman

Neglected him.—But what a man! A man

Of most exceeding virtue.

Geta. Much at one:

Yourself and he you praise so much.

Phor. Away!

Had I not thought him what I’ve spoken of him,

I would not for his daughter’s sake have drawn

So many troubles on our family,

Whom this old cuff now treats so scandalously.

Geta. What, still abuse my absent master, rascal!

Phor. It is no more than he deserves.

Geta. How, villain!

Dem. Geta! (Calling.)

Geta. Rogue, robber, pettifogger! (To Phormio pretending not to hear Demipho.)

Dem. Geta!

Phor. Answer. (Apart to Geta.)

Geta (turning). Who’s that?—Oh!

Dem. Peace!

Geta. Behind your back

All day without cessation has this knave

Thrown scurvy terms upon you, such as none

But men like him can merit.

Dem. Well! have done.

Putting Geta by, then addressing Phormio.

Young man! permit me first to ask one question.

And, if you please, vouchsafe to answer me.

—Who was this friend of yours? Explain! and how

Might he pretend that I was his relation?

Phor. So! you fish for’t, as if you did not know. (Sneeringly.)

Dem. Know! I!

Phor. Aye; you.

Dem. Not I: You that maintain

I ought, instruct me how to recollect.

Phor. What! not acquainted with your cousin?

Dem. Plague!

Tell me his name.

Phor. His name? aye!

Dem. Well, why don’t you?

Phor. Confusion! I’ve forgot the name. (Apart.)

Dem. What say you?

Phor. Geta, if you remember, prompt me. (Apart to Geta.)—Pshaw,

I will not tell.—As if you did not know,

You’re come to try me. (Loud to Demipho.)

Dem. How! try you?

Geta. Stilpho. (Whispering Phormio.)

Phor. What is’t to me?—Stilpho.

Dem. Whom say you?

Phor. Stilpho:

Did you know Stilpho, Sir?

Dem. I neither know him,

Nor ever had I kinsman of that name.

Phor. How! are you not asham’d?—But if, poor man,

Stilpho had left behind him an estate

Of some ten talents——

Dem. Out upon you!

Phor. Then

You would have been the first to trace your line

Quite from your grandsire and great grandsire.

Dem. True.

Had I then come, I’d have explain’d at large

How she was my relation: so do you!

Say, how is she my kinswoman?

Geta. Well said!

Master, you’re right.—Take heed! (Apart to Phormio.)

Phor. I have explain’d

All that most clearly, where I ought, in court.

If it were false, why did not then your son

Refute it?

Dem. Do you tell me of my son?

Whose folly can’t be spoke of as it ought.

Phor. But you, who are so wise, go seek the judge:

Ask sentence in the self-same cause again:

Because you’re lord alone, and have alone

Pow’r to obtain judgment of the court

Twice in one cause.

Dem. Although I have been wrong’d,

Yet, rather than engage in litigation,

And rather than hear you; as if she were

Indeed related to us, as the law

Ordains, I’ll pay her dowry: take her hence,

And with her take five minæ.

Phor. Ha! ha! ha!

A pleasant gentleman!

Dem. Why, what’s the matter?

Have I demanded any thing unjust?

Sha’n’t I obtain this neither, which is law?

Phor. Is’t even so, Sir?—Like a common harlot,

When you’ve abus’d her, does the law ordain

That you should pay her hire and whistle her off?

Or, lest a citizen through poverty

Bring shame upon her honor, does it order

That she be given to her next of kin

To pass her life with him? which you forbid.

Dem. Aye; to her next of kin: But why to us;

Or wherefore?

Phor. Oh! that matter is all settled:

Think on’t no more.

Dem. Not think on’t! I shall think

Of nothing else till there’s an end of this.

Phor. Words, words!

Dem. I’ll make them good.

Phor. But, after all,

With you I have no business, Demipho!

Your son is cast, not you: for at your age

The coupling-time is over.

Dem. Be assur’d

That all I’ve said he says: or I’ll forbid

Him and this wife of his my house.

Geta. He’s angry. (Apart.)

Phor. No; you’ll think better on’t.

Dem. Are you resolv’d,

Wretch that you are, to thwart me ev’ry way?

Phor. He fears, though he dissembles. Geta. Well begun! (Apart.)

Phor. Well; but what can’t be cur’d must be endur’d:

’Twere well, and like yourself, that we were friends.

Dem. I! friend to you? or choose to see or hear you!

Phor. Do but agree with her, you’ll have a girl

To comfort your old age. Your years, consider!

Dem. Plague on your comfort! take her to yourself!

Phor. Ah! don’t be angry!

Dem. One word more, I’ve done.

See that you fetch away this wench, and soon,

Or I shall turn her headlong out o’doors.

So much for Phormio!

Phor. Offer but to touch her

In any other manner than beseems

A gentlewoman and a citizen,

And I shall bring a swinging writ against you.

So much for Demipho!—If I am wanted,

I am at home, d’ye hear? (Apart to Geta.)

Geta. I understand. (Apart.)

Exit Phormio.