MILITARY SURGERY
Reading edition
Dear Field-Marshal Punch.—In a telegram from the seat of war this week I find the following obscure passage. "General Blank held the enemy's main body whilst General Dash carried out his movements." Knowing your skill in tactics, may I ask if you can explain this to me either verbally or pictorially. Used in contradistinction to his main body, I presume the enemy's "movements" must be his limbs, and if all four were carried out by this barbarous general, it would be certainly a feat of arms, and the movement might be said to be al-leg-ro. Nothing is said as to whether the enemy survived this fearful operation depriving him of his members, but it may be a case of a truncated despatch. Then, where were the movements carried out to? If the presumption stated above be correct, I infer it must have been to the region of limbo, but the army in Flanders never practised such lopsided manœuvres.
Yours respectfully,
Corporal Trim.
"All's Well!"
Cockney Volunteer (on sentry go). "Halt! Who goes there?"
Rustic. "It's all roight, man. Oi cooms along 'ere ev'ry maarnin'!"
SKIRMISHING IN PERSPECTIVE
"A good skirmisher, if there is no cover, should hide behind his boots!"
Elder Sister (coming up). "Kitty! what have you been saying to Captain Coward? He looks dreadfully offended!"
Kitty (engaged to the Captain). "I only told him that if he had gone to the war and been shot, I should have been so proud of him!"
War News.—"Reports of Conflicts," i.e., "Conflicting Reports."