FASHIONS FOR BAZAARS
Reading edition
(From the Note-book of a Male Impressionist)
How to represent the Army.—Long skirt of gauzy material, parasol tied with tricolour ribands, silk blouse with epauletted sleeves and a Crimean medal pinned on to a bunch of flowers. High-heeled shoes. Regimental levée scarf worn over the left shoulder. Tiny cocked hat attached to the hair by two long pins and a small silk flag.
How to represent the Navy.—Short skirt decorated with brooch anchors. Garibaldi with naval collar. Bag hanging from waist-belt with silver letters H.M.S. Coquette. Hair built up à la "Belle of New York" surmounted with a small sailor hat decorated with streamers.
Something Military.—The officers of the Blankshire Cavalry possess, individually and collectively, more money than those of any other regiment in His Majesty's service. If this be so—we name no names—these gallant heroes ought to be known as "The Tin Soldiers."
How Effectually to Produce "Silence in the Ranks."—Use the Dum Dum bullets.
Paid in his own Coin; or, what we should like to see.
Convicted Contractor. "Look here! I can't walk in these boots, and I can't eat this food!"
Warder Punch. "Well, you've got to; it's what you supplied to the troops."
OUR NON-COMS.
Orderly Sergeant (to officer). "Beg your pardon, sorr, but 'm wan ration short. Who will I give it to?"
The Military Peril.
Old Lady (to member of signalling section, who has just commenced to reply to a message). "Young man, if you think to alarm me by wagging those flags about, you are very much mistaken!"