LATEST WAR INTELLIGENCE
Reading edition
In the House of Commons, and elsewhere, the Secretary of State for War is accustomed to have appeals made to him to assist in providing facilities for the engagement and remunerative occupation of soldiers and non-commissioned officers no longer on active service. We are glad to notice, from the subjoined advertisement, which appeared in the Daily News, that the public themselves are taking the matter in hand:—
TWO GENERALS WANTED, as Cook and Housemaid for one lady. Light, comfortable situation. Good wages.—Apply, &c.
The advertiser, it will be observed, flies at higher rank than that usually considered in this connection. But the situation is "light" and "comfortable," with "good wages" pertaining, and she has some right to look for applicants of superior station. We presume that on festive occasions the gallant officers would be expected to don their uniforms. Few things would be more striking than to see a general, probably wearing his war medals, sweeping the front door-step, whilst through the kitchen window a glimpse was caught of a brother officer, in full tog, larding a pheasant.
By the courtesy of the Admiralty H.M.S. Buzzard has been anchored as a permanent guardship of honour immediately opposite the approach to Mr Punch's offices in Bouverie Street. The compliment is much appreciated.
Further changes in our Navy are announced. Chaplains are to be abolished, and the navigating officers are to include in their duties those of sky-pilots.
A Cockney's Question on the Navy.—Does a Port Admiral mean an Admiral who is laid down for a long series of years, and not decanted for service till he is very old?
A Jovial Crew.—Jack Tars in a jolly-boat.
In the Sick Bay.
Fleet Surgeon. "There doesn't seem much wrong with you, my man. What's the matter?"
A. B. "Well, sir, it's like this, sir. I eats well, an' I drinks well, an' I sleeps well; but when I sees a job of work—there, I'm all of a tremble!"
Field Training Notes.
(Aldershot.) General (to Irish recruit). "Can you tell me how many species of pack animals there are?"
(No answer.)
General. "Well, do you know any kind of pack animal?"
Recruit (inspired by recollection of many days' pack-drill.) "Yes, sorr. A defaulter, sorr!"
Colonel (who is taking a turn round to see how his subs are getting along with their road sketching). "You know, this won't do. You should be able to ride about the country, and make sketches as you go."
Jones (not getting along at all nicely, thank you). "Well, sir, if I could do that, sir, I should chuck up the army, and join a circus!"
"Couldn't make 'un Speak."
Infuriated C. O. 10th V. B. Mudfordshire Fusiliers (who has ordered bugler to sound the "Cease fire" several times without effect). "Don't you hear me, fellow? Why the deuce don't you sound the 'Cease fire' when I tell you?"
His Bugler. "If ye plaze, zur, a've blowed a quid o' bacca down spout t'ould trumputt, awn I can't make un speak!"