WHAT BROWN SAID
Reading edition
Scene—Hall of the Elysium Club
Enter Smith, F.R.S., meeting Brown, Q.C.
Smith. Raw day, eh?
Brown. Very raw. Glad when it's done.
[Exit Brown, Q.C. Exit Smith, F.R.S., into smoking-room, where he tells a good thing that Brown said.
AT THE ACADEMY
Miss Jones. "How came you to think of the subject, Mr. de Brush?"
Eccentric Artist. "Oh, I have had it in my head for years!"
Miss Jones. "How wonderful! What did the papers say?"
Eccentric Artist. "Said it was full of 'atmosphere,' and suggested 'space.'"]
Intelligent!
Artist (who thinks he has found a good model for his Touchstone). "Have you any sense of humour, Mr. Bingles?"
Model. "Thank y' sir, no, sir, thank y'. I enj'ys pretty good 'ealth, sir, thank y' sir!"
THE PERILS OF A CONVERSAZIONE
Miss Fillip (to gentleman whose name she did not catch when introduced). Have you read A Modern Heliogabolus?
He. Yes, I have.
Miss F. All through?
He. Yes, from beginning to end.
Miss F. Dear me! I wonder you're alive! How did you manage to get through it?
He (diffidently). Unfortunately, I wrote it.
[Miss F. catches a distant friend's eye.
The Sound Sleeper's Paradise.—Snoring.
Patent Night-Lights.—Stars.
Epitaph on a Champion Billiard Player.—"Taking his long rest."
Toned Paper.—Sheets of music.
Item on a Menu of Literary Pabulum.—"Shakspeare and Bacon."
Race Glasses.—Champagne.
The Maid of the Mill.—A lady boxer.
Sentiment.
(Artistic-minded Youth in midst of a fierce harangue from his father, who is growing hotter and redder). "By Jove, that's a fine bit of colour, if you like!"
"What an ass old Brown is!
"Oh, I don't know. He's got far more brains than appear on the surface."
Art-Master (who has sent for a cab, pointing to horse). "What do you call that?"
Cabby. "An 'orse, sir."
Art-Master. "A horse! Rub it out, and do it again!"