A BROTHER ARTIST
Reading edition
["We have regularly attended the Academy now for many years, but never do we remember such a poor show of portraits; they cannot prove to be otherwise than the laughing-stock of tailors and their customers."—Tailor and Cutter.]
The tailor leaned upon his goose, And wiped away a tear: "What portraits painting-men produce," He sobbed, "from year to year! These fellows make their sitters smile In suits that do not fit, They're wrongly buttoned, and the style Is not the thing a bit. "Oh, artist I'm an artist too! I bid you use restraint, And only show your sitters, do, In fitting coats of paint; In vain you crown those errant seams With smiles that look ethereal, For man may be the stuff of dreams— But dreams are not material."
Medical.—A sculptor friend, who has strabismus, consoles himself with the thought that he can always keep his profession in view through having a cast in his eye.
Frame-maker (to gifted amateur, who is ordering frames for a few prints and sketches). "Ah, I suppose you want something cheap an' ordinary for this?"
[N.B.—"This" was a cherished little sketch by our amateur himself.
Not quite the Same.—Scene: Exhibition of Works of Art.
Dealer (to friend, indicating stout person closely examining a Vandyke). Do you know who that is? I so often see him about.
Friend. I know him. He's a collector.
Dealer (much interested). Indeed! What does he collect? Pictures?
Friend. No. Income tax.
[Exeunt severally.
Art Class.—Inspector. What is a "landscape painter"?
Student. A painter of landscapes.
Inspector. Good. What is an "animal painter"?
Student. A painter of animals.
Inspector. Excellent. What is a "marine painter"?
Student. A painter of marines.
Inspector. Admirable! Go and tell it them. Call next class.
[Exeunt students.
The Best "Publisher's Circular."—A round dining-table.
Social Agonies.
Anxious Musician (in a whisper, to Mrs. Lyon Hunter's butler). "Where's my cello?"
Butler (in stentorian tones, to the room). "Signor Weresmicello!"
Brown. "Pity Jones has lost—his figure!"
Robinson. "Not lost, but gone before!"
Enthusiastic Briton (to seedy American, who has been running down all our national monuments). "But even if our Houses of Parliament 'aren't in it,' as you say, with the Masonic Temple of Chicago, surely, sir, you will admit the Thames Embankment, for instance——"
Seedy American. "Waal, guess I don't think so durned much of your Thames Embankment, neither. It rained all the blarmed time the night I slep on it."
A Professional View of Things.—Old Paynter never neglects any opportunity for advancing art. Every evening he has the cloth drawn.
Beverage for a Musician.—Thorough bass.
Poetical Licence.—A music-hall's.
Turf Reform.—Mowing your lawn.
A Monster Meeting..—A giant and a dwarf.
The Soaker's Paradise.—Dropmore.
BRADBURY, AGNEW, & CO. LD., PRINTERS, LONDON AND TONBRIDGE.