ANOTHER PARCEL OF PROVERBS

If the cap fits, wear it—out.

Six of one, and half-a-dozen of the other—make exactly twelve.

None so deaf as those who won't hear—hear! hear!

Faint heart never won fair lady—nor dark one either.

Civility costs nothing—nay, is something to your credit.

The best of friends must part—their hair.

Any port in a storm—but old port preferred.

One good turn deserves another—in waltzing.

Youth at the prow and pleasure at the helm—very sea-sick.

"Leading Strings."—Those of a first violin in an orchestra.

Tobacco Stoppers.—Men who stay to smoke.

Smoker's Proverb.—It's an ill weed that blows nobody any good.

A Tidy Drink.—Neat brandy.

Amateur "Minimus Poet" (who has called at the office twice a week for three months). "Could you use a little poem of mine?"

Editor (ruthlessly determined that this shall be his final visit). "Oh, I think so. There are two or three broken panes of glass, and a hole in the skylight. How large is it?"

Motto for a Sub-Editor.—"Aut scissors, aut nullus."

To find the value of a Cook.—Divide the services rendered by the wages paid; deduct the kitchen stuff, subtract the cold meat by finding how often three policemen will go into one area, and the quotient will help you to the result.

To find the value of a Friend.—Ask him to put his name to a bill.

To find the value of Time.—Travel by a Bayswater omnibus.

To find the value of Eau de Cologne.—Walk into Smithfield market.

To find the value of Patience.—Consult Bradshaw's Guide to ascertain the time of starting of a railway train.

Note by a Social Cynic.—They may abolish the "push" stroke at billiards, but they'll never do so in society.

From our own Irrepressible One (still dodging custody).—Q. Why is a daily paper like a lamb? A. Because it is always folded.

Duty before Pleasure.

Hostess (to new Curate). "We seem to be talking of nothing but horses, Mr. Soothern. Are you much of a sportsman?"

Curate. "Really, Lady Betty, I don't think I ought to say that I am. I used to collect butterflies; but I have to give up even that now!"

SHAKSPEARE ILLUSTRATED

"The gods confound thee! Dost thou hold there still?"

Antony and Cleopatra, Act II., Sc. 5.

"Still Waters."—Whiskies.

Art Criticism.—In too many pictures the colour is medi-ocre.

The Advertiser's Paradise.—Puffin Island.

A Musical Burglar.—One who breaks into a tune.

HE KNEW HIS WORK

Proprietor of Travelling Menagerie. "Are you used to looking after horses and other animals?"

Applicant for Job. "Yessir. Been used to 'orses all my life."

P. O. T. M. "What steps would you take if a lion got loose?"

A. F. J. "Good long 'uns, mister!"

May be Heard Everywhere.—"Songs without words"—a remarkable performance; but perhaps a still more wonderful feat is playing upon words.