THE QUICK GRUB STREET CO.

The Quick Grub Street Co. beg to announce that they have opened an Establishment for the Supply of Literature in all its Branches.

Every Editor should send for our Prices and compare them with those of other houses.

Poetry Department.

We employ experienced poets for the supply of garden verses, war songs, &c., and undertake to fill any order within twenty-four hours of its reaching us. Our Mr. Rhymeesi will be glad to wait upon parties requiring verse of any description, and, if the matter is at all urgent, to execute the order on the spot.

Drama Department.

Actor-managers before going elsewhere should give us a call. Our plays draw wherever they are presented, even if it is only bricks.

Testimonial.—A manager writes: "The play you kindly supplied, The Blue Bloodhound of Bletchley, is universally admitted to be unlike anything ever before produced on the stage."

Musical comedies (guaranteed absolutely free from plot) supplied on shortest notice.

Fiction Department.

For society dialogues we use the very best duchesses; while a first-class earl's daughter is retained for Court and gala opera.

For our new line of vie intime we employ none but valets and confidential maids, who have to serve an apprenticeship with P.A.P.

The Kailyard Department

is always up-to-date, and our Mr. Stickit will be pleased to call on any editor on receipt of post-card.

N.B.—We guarantee our Scotch Idyll to be absolutely unintelligible to any English reader, and undertake to refund money if it can be proved that such is not the case.

Our speciality, however, is our Six-Shilling Shocker, as sold for serial purposes. Editors with papers that won't "go" should ask for one of these. When ordering please state general idea required under one of our recognised sections, as foreign office, police, mounted infantry, cowardice, Rome, &c., &c.

Biography.

Any gentleman wishing to have a biography of himself produced in anticipation of his decease should communicate with us.

The work would, of course, be published with a note to the effect that the writing had been a labour of love; that moreover the subject with his usual modesty had been averse from the idea of a biography.

Testimonial.—Sir Sunny Jameson writes: "The Life gives great satisfaction. No reference made, however, to my munificent gift of £50 to the Referees' Hospital. This should be remedied in the next edition. The work, however, has been excellently done. You have made me out to be better than even I ever thought myself."

For love letters,

For the Elizabethan vogue,

For every description of garden meditations,

Give the Quick Grub Street Company a trial.

A Soft Answer.

Papa (literary, who has given orders he is not to be disturbed). "Who is it?"

Little Daughter. "Scarcely anybody, dear papa!"

THE SECRETS OF LITERARY COMPOSITION

The Fair Authoress of "Passionate Pauline," gazing fondly at her own reflection, writes as follows:—

"I look into the glass, reader. What do I see?

"I see a pair of laughing, espiègle, forget-me-not blue eyes, saucy and defiant; a mutine little rose-bud of a mouth, with its ever-mocking moue; a tiny shell-like ear, trying to play hide-and-seek in a tangled maze of rebellious russet gold; while, from underneath the satin folds of a rose-thé dressing-gown, a dainty foot peeps coyly forth in its exquisitely-pointed gold morocco slipper," &c., &c.

(Vide "Passionate Pauline", by Parbleu.)

A DISTINCTION

First Gourmet. "That was Mr. Dobbs I just nodded to."

Second Gourmet. "I know."

First G. "He asked me to dine at his house next Thursday—but I can't. Ever dined at Dobbs's?"

Second G. "No. Never dined. But I've been there to dinner!"

Auctioneer. "Lot 52. A genuine Turner. Painted during the artist's lifetime. What offers, gentlemen?"

Millionaire (who has been shown into fashionable artist's studio, and has been kept waiting a few minutes). "Shop!"