CHAP. XXIV. Of the agreeable life Guzman continued to lead with his Comrades. An account of his Journey to Gaeta. History of a Beggar who died at Florence.

Notwithstanding the disposition recommended by the tenth statute of our laws, I did not think proper to communicate to my comrades the secrets of the Cordovan, who had revealed them to none but myself; nevertheless we all lived together in perfect union. We frequently met together of an evening to the number of ten or twelve, and passed our time in practising and inventing new exclamations to excite pity. There were even some among us who discovered new forms of benediction which they got a livelihood by, and which they sold to the others, who were always willing to purchase them on account of their novelty.

On festival-days we would be up betimes and run to the churches where indulgences were dispensed, that we might secure the best places, by being as near as we could to the Holy Water, or at the entrance of the Chapel near the Station,—which is the place set apart for penitents to stand and recite the prayers prescribed for them. Thus were our mornings employed, and towards night we generally left the City to make an excursion into the villages in the environs, as well as the farms and country-seats, whence we seldom returned without being well laden with abundance of lard, bread, eggs and cheese; sometimes with a good collection of old clothes, so well did we know how to excite the compassion of the good folks in the country. If on the road we saw any person of distinction coming towards us, the instant we perceived him at a distance, we set up a concert of plaintive voices imploring his charity, that he might have abundance of time to put his hand in his pocket, otherwise he might have passed on without stopping.

When we had to meet a number of citizens together, and had time to prepare for it, we would every one of us act a different character; one would halt as if he were lame, another would counterfeit blindness; a third would carry one arm in a sling, another would affect dumbness; a fifth would distort his mouth or his legs, and a sixth would walk on crutches; in a word, we every one of us performed a different part, taking care to place the most skilful amongst us at our head, to render the scene more affecting.

You would have been well amused had you but heard the various benedictions we employed to extract the marrow from their purses. We prayed that God would give them children, prosper their commerce, and bless them with good health; such wishes as these were scarcely ever thrown away. There never was a party of pleasure or an entertainment of any sort going forward, but we were sure to smell it out and pick up something; and we never failed to repair, in small numbers at a time, to such places, where we always got as much as we could eat. The hotels of Bishops, Cardinals, Ambassadors, all the great houses were open to us, and we frequented them by turns: thus we partook of every thing, though we possessed nothing.

I know not how my comrades felt affected when they chanced to receive alms from the hand of a pretty woman; for myself, miserable sinner, when a young female approached me whose figure I admired, I could not refrain from leering upon her with an amorous look when I implored her charity. If she herself gave me money, I pressed her hand tenderly in my own, and kissed it before I allowed it to escape. But I always committed this rash action with so respectful, or rather so hypocritical an air, that the lady, not suspecting that it was merely for my own gratification, always considered this insolence as a transport of gratitude.

The pleasures of this world, which have been thought to be the share of the rich and great only, may much more reasonably be said to fall to the lot of us beggars, who enjoy the sweets of life with more freedom, more relish, and tranquillity. Even though beggars had no other advantage than that of begging and receiving without either embarrassment or shame, they enjoy therein a privilege which none of the rest of mankind possess, sovereigns only excepted, who also beg of their people without blushing: but the difference between them is, that sovereigns often make poor folks contribute to their wants, while beggars seldom ask of any but such as are richer than themselves. There is evidently then no condition of life more happy than that of a beggar, and fortunate were it, indeed, if every one could know when he is so well off. The greater number of my comrades, however, were so entirely engrossed with delicacies of animal life, that one half of their felicity was actually thrown away: they did not reflect how sweet it was to live independent, without the dread of law-suits or the fear that their money was badly applied: to be unaffected by the intrigues of state, by the uncertainty of business and speculation, or by the numberless mischances and embarrassments to which every other man is constantly subject. The first man who embraced this mode of life must, doubtless, have been a great philosopher.

I would willingly have believed beggars entirely free from the control of Fortune, did not that malicious goddess take pleasure in occasionally showing her power over them, by subjecting them to little disgraces, as well as others. Of this nature was what happened to me in the town of Gaeta, whither I went out of curiosity, imagining that a man like me, who might now be reckoned skilful in my trade, would have no sooner entered the place, than alms would shower down as thick as hail upon him. The instant I arrived there I covered my head with a false scab, which I knew well how to counterfeit, and placed myself at the door of a church. The governor of the town happened to pass by me, and after having looked at me for some time with attention, gave me alms. A considerable number of the inhabitants of both sexes followed his example, and this good luck lasted for several days; but covetousness, as the saying is, at last bursts the bag. On the next festival-day, thinking that my pretended scabby head was too old a trick, I determined to make myself an ulcer on my leg, and soon raised one by making use of one of the secrets the old Cordovan had revealed to me.

Having prepared all that was necessary to dress up my leg so as to yield me a good harvest, I posted myself in the best situation at the door of another church, where I immediately began to writhe myself about and howl, as if I had been exceedingly afflicted by my ulcer, so as to attract the notice of every one that passed by me; and though my healthy countenance was sufficient to have belied my complaints (for I had neglected to manufacture a pale face on the occasion), and have created suspicion, yet I found that my apparently distressing situation excited the compassion of many; for these charitable folks did not examine so accurately as to detect me, and I in consequence received individually greater contributions than all the other beggars who were there, who wished me and my ulcer at the devil.

Unluckily, however, the aforementioned governor chanced to come to hear mass at this church, and had no sooner listened to me for a moment than he recognized me by my voice. He could not otherwise have possibly recollected me, for my head was completely covered with a large napkin which descended to my nose; but he was a man of experience who had seen a great deal of the world; and as soon as he espied me I knew well that he said to himself, “It cannot be four days since I saw and relieved this same fellow; can he possibly have been afflicted since that time with so bad an ulcer on his leg? there must be some roguery in this affair, and it is incumbent on me to inquire further into it:” “My friend,” said he, addressing himself to me, “I am much affected by your miserable situation; follow me home and I will give you a good shirt.”

I was so imprudent as to obey him, without the slightest suspicion of his design upon me; for had I in the least guessed at it I should soon have forced my way through his servants, and disappointed him of the punishment he had devised for me. Having arrived at his house, I did not presage much good when he looked at me with earnestness, and then demanded of me in a severe tone if I was not the same person whom he had seen a few days since at a church door with a bad head. I turned pale at this question, and could not muster impudence enough to answer in the negative, whereupon he insisted on seeing my head, and not perceiving the least appearance of disorder: “Tell me,” said he, “by what singular remedy you can possibly have cured yourself so perfectly in the short space of four days, and how you can have so inveterate an ulcer on your leg accompanied with so ruddy a complexion:” “Sir,” replied I; so disconcerted that I knew not what I said,—“I know not: but God was pleased that it should be so.”

I was still more troubled when I heard him desire one of his servants to run for a surgeon. I knew well what was preparing for me, and should soon have made an attempt to escape, if I had not observed that the door was locked; but as such was the case I was obliged to submit. At length the surgeon arrived, and examined my leg most attentively, and, skilful as he was, would very probably have been deceived, had not the governor communicated to him in a whisper the reasons he had for thinking me an impostor; after this the surgeon had but little trouble in discovering the truth: he examined the ulcer afresh, and then declared, with an air of importance and sagacity, that I had no more ailment in my leg than he himself had in his eye: “Bring me some hot water,” said he, “and I will prove clearly what I assert.” This was soon supplied; the surgeon rubbed and washed my leg, which became in an instant so clean and healthful, that I dared not utter a syllable in defence of my knavery.

The governor, thinking that he was bound to reward me for my address, gave me the shirt he had been so kind as to promise, which was fitted on my back in a moment by one of his lusty servants, who applied thirty hearty lashes by his master’s directions, by way of recompence for my journey. After which I was ordered to leave the town immediately, with the promise that I should be doubly remunerated if I ever ventured to make my appearance in it again. This was a very superfluous prohibition, for the pleasant treatment I had met with in Gaeta was of itself quite sufficient to divest me of all desire of visiting that place again. I left this cursed town therefore without further delay, shrugging up my shoulders all the way I went, until I arrived once more in the Pope’s territories. I greeted my dear Rome with a thousand blessings as I entered it, and no sooner saw it at a distance than tears of joy trickled from my eyes, and I could not refrain from wishing my arms long enough to have embraced it.

I soon rejoined my old comrades, but took good care not to communicate my late disgrace to them: had they known it, I should never have heard the last of my flogging adventure at Gaeta, which would have been an everlasting joke against me. I told them that I had merely taken a trip out of curiosity to some of the neighbouring villages; but that I had found by experience that, there was no place like Rome for persons of our calling. I must indeed have been half mad when I thought of leaving this blessed city, where we all lived so well, never failing to collect daily as much money as we wanted. Every fowl fills its crop by a single grain at a time. In like manner we accumulated our money; and after having converted it into gold, we carried it about with us sewed to our garments under rags, which frequently concealed a sufficient sum to buy a complete new suit. We might be said to have been stitched up with gold; and there were some few old rascals among us who were worth a very considerable sum which they always carried about their persons. Persons of our class generally possess the vices of avarice and cruelty in the highest degree. I will illustrate this assertion by relating to you a very singular example in the history of a beggar of my own acquaintance, which is well worth the recital.

A poor beggar, named Pantalon Castello, a native of Genoa, having married at Florence, had one son by his wife whom he intended so to establish in life as to render it unnecessary for him either to work, or go into service to obtain his livelihood: with this view, taking advantage of the facility with which the delicate members of a new born infant may be dislocated, he determined on the barbarity of crippling his own child. Perchance, reader, you will feel inclined to stop me here, to tell me that this is by no means extraordinary among beggars. I am ready to allow, that beggars of every nation in the world are in the habit of availing themselves of such inhuman means to excite compassion: but our Pantalon, like a true Genoese, was willing to surpass all his predecessors in this point, and disfigured his poor son so dreadfully that there was scarcely such another monster in the world. This unfortunate child, who, with the exception of his arms and tongue, which had not been touched, was deformed all over, was no sooner out of his infancy, than he began to exhibit himself through the streets in a kind of cage, on a little ass which he guided with his own hands.

If, however, his body had but little of the human form in it, by way of amends he had a great deal of wit, which shone the more brilliantly as he advanced in age. His repartees were so pleasant and so much to the purpose, that he was the admiration of all who knew him, and received great alms, which he owed no less to his facetious and good natured manner, than to the compassion excited by his unfortunate person. Deformed and ugly as he was, however, he lived until seventy two years of age, after which he fell sick; and knowing well that his illness must be fatal, he began to reflect on his past life, and sent for a confessor, a pious and learned man, with whom he was acquainted. Having discoursed with him about all his affairs as well spiritual as temporal, he called in a Notary, to whom he indited his will in the following terms: I recommend my soul to God who created it, and my body to the earth, and I wish to be interred in my own parish.

Item, I desire that my ass be sold, and that the money accruing therefrom be employed in defraying the expenses of my burial. As for the pack-saddle, I bequeath it to the Grand Duke my Lord, to whom it of right belongs, and whom I hereby nominate executor to this my will, and universal heir to my property.

This beggar died a few days after, and his Will being made public, became the talk of the city of Florence. As every one had known him to be a merry-conceited fellow all his life, it was the general opinion that he had hoped, by this seeming burlesque, to make folks laugh at him even after his death. But the Duke somewhat differed from them; for having frequently heard of the testator and his pleasantries, he suspected there might be some mystery in it. To unravel it, therefore, he ordered the pack-saddle which was bequeathed to him to be brought to his Palace, where he caused it to be unripped in the presence of the whole court, who were not a little surprised at discovering in it several pieces of gold of all kinds, to the value of three thousand six hundred crowns, of four hundred maravedis each. It came afterwards to be known that it was by the advice of his Confessor that he had thus disposed of his property, which the Grand Duke, like a just and pious Prince, made a good use of, by employing the whole of it in founding a perpetual Mass to be said for the testator’s soul.