CHAP. XV. Guzman arrives at Toledo, and acts the man of fortune there. Some account of his gallantries.

It was past nine o’clock when I entered the famous city of Toledo. I combed my hair and put myself in order, taking particular pains to rub the dust off my shoes, that I might with the greater assurance be able to assert that I came in a coach. I requested to be directed to the best inn, whither I repaired, requiring my supper and lodging like a young man of fortune, who troubled himself but little about expence. As these are the sort of customers who are sure to be well treated at inns, I was immediately shewn into an excellent chamber with a good bed in it, and waited upon like any prince. I supped perfectly to my satisfaction, and slept better than I supped.

The next morning after having taken my chocolate, which I called for in order to impress them with an opinion of my quality, I desired them to send for a hatter, a shoemaker and a sword-maker, for it was indispensable for me to have a new hat, sword, and shoes, to correspond with the rest of my equipage. But the most essential thing of all, was to procure a tailor to disguise the suit I had bought as much as possible, lest when I went abroad I might happen to meet some of the relations of the young man of whom I had purchased it, which might have raised suspicions dangerous to me in my present situation. I might very reasonably have supposed that they would know it again, and perhaps accuse me of having stolen it, and assassinated the young man. Justice would then have interfered, and this I had more reasons than one to dread. I sent, therefore, for a tailor, who in a few hours so completely disguised the suit, by covering the sleeves with taffeta, changing the buttons, and putting a velvet collar on the cloak, that the devil himself could scarcely have known it again.

I paid my tailor handsomely; and well pleased that I could now venture out without the dread of getting into difficulty on account of my dress, I took a walk towards the evening in the Zocodover, where the fashionables usually promenade. Metamorphosed as I was, I was not altogether free from apprehension of meeting some one who might recognize me. This fear, however, did not prevent my feeling gratified in observing that I was particularly noticed by the prettiest women of slender virtue, who, looking upon me as a handsome well-shaped young fellow who had never yet been to Cythera, appeared most anxious to have the honour of setting me in the right road; but I had resolution enough to resist all their seducing glances.

What most surprised me was the extreme neatness of all the gentlemen. My dress, notwithstanding all the tailor’s endeavours to adjust and beautify it, appeared so shabby in comparison with those around me, that I resolved on having another. Just at this moment a gentleman mounted on a beautiful mule crossed the Zocodover, in so handsome and stylish a dress, that I determined to get one, exactly similar, made for myself. I could scarcely refrain from sending for my tailor that very night. I managed, however, to wait till morning, though I never closed my eyes the whole of the night, so completely was I amused and delighted in considering how handsome I should look in these new trappings. But when I reflected on the probable expence of them, I began to hesitate, notwithstanding the eager desire I felt to appear in them.

“Well, Signor Guzman,” said I to myself, “you presume then to dress magnificently, and to supplant all the gallants at Toledo! well done, courage, my friend. Spend your reals without reflecting on the deep game you have played to possess yourself of them. That is not worthy of your consideration; all you seem to wish is to get rid of your money, and you will find it go quick enough. Let a suit be made agreeable to your fancy, and begin courting the ladies; and you will soon come to your basket again. Rely upon this; but do not think that you can every day meet with apothecaries who will allow themselves to be purged like your friend at Madrid.”

All these wise reflections presented themselves, but without effect; for, no sooner was it day-light than I sent for my tailor, to whom I gave the order, after having given him an exact description of the dress I had seen. He promised to make me one exactly similar, undertaking to go himself and purchase the materials, and assuring me that I should have it as soon as possible; for I required him to be as expeditious and punctual, as though I were going to be married, and only waited for my wedding clothes. He, accordingly, sent it home two days after, and I had never seen any thing more stylish and elegant; the gold glittered all over it. When I put it on, I was in raptures at my handsome appearance, and the beauty of my figure, which was already perfectly well formed though scarcely fifteen years of age. I thought that I was the very image of my father when he was young, having a delicate white and red complexion like him, with light-brown hair. I should never have been tired of looking in the glass, though I felt most anxious to go abroad again to be admired in the city. No one who was not so eminently pleased with his own figure as I was, could have been fool enough to have satisfied my tailor without disputing his bill, which I might most conscientiously have reduced two thirds; but I did not then think that I could possibly pay too much for so tasteful an equipage. Mine hostess seeing me superbly dressed, told me I ought at least to have a lackey. I immediately engaged one, therefore, that looked like a page, for whom I was obliged to find new clothes, to be worthy of a master of my importance.

The first Sunday, I failed not to attend the great church, followed by my lackey, to whom I had given proper instructions that he might do me honour. The congregation was of the first quality in the city; I thrust myself in the midst of them with a vast deal of assurance, and visited all the chapels one after another, which caused many to think that I had some design in my head; it was, however, only to shew myself off.

I placed myself between the two choirs, having observed that the principal ladies were always in this part of the church. It was here that I displayed all the fine airs I had seen practised by other young fools at Madrid, and which I had performed at least twenty times over in the morning at my glass. The first thing I did, was to choose a spot where I could be seen from head to foot. Then I thrust out my breast, and stood firm upon one leg, while I extended the other in so stiff a position, that it scarcely touched the ground; shewing by this means my fine stockings, and that I wore garters of the German fashion which were then in vogue. As this posture cramped me extremely, I was obliged to vary it every minute, making divers grimaces at the ladies who looked at me. I smiled upon one, looked coolly upon another, with languishing eyes upon a third, and with sparkling eyes upon a fourth. In short, I so far overacted my part that all the ladies and gentlemen who observed my manœuvres began to titter at my expence. This I took no kind of notice of, for I had too good an opinion of myself to imagine that they could find any thing ridiculous in my behaviour.

All the ladies, however, were not disposed to laugh at my extravagant airs; there were even some among them completely charmed by my manners; for, without any offence to women in general, it may, undoubtedly, be asserted, that there are always many of that sex for whom the most impertinent coxcomb is as exactly a match as if he had been made on purpose. Amongst others, I had the happiness to please two beautiful women who could not refrain from letting me know it. The passion of the one was created by my looks and grimaces; but as to the favourable sentiments of the other, I could attribute them only to my stars. The first of my two conquests was a lively looking woman, who had something roguish in her eye, and a pleasing face. I ogled her like a novice, and she seemed by no means displeased; for women always prefer apprentices in this art to their masters. She returned my tender glances, which encouraged me to follow her after Mass, that I might know where she lived. She walked very slowly, to shew me that it would not be her fault if I let her escape, and I soon came up with her, and now and then as I walked behind her whispered some soft things to her as well as I was able at my age. She made no reply, yet now and then turned her head round, looking at me in such a manner as persuaded me that she dared not speak for fear of the Duenna by whom she was accompanied.

We at length came to a narrow street near St. Cyprian’s Church where she lived. In entering her house, she bowed her head to me to let me see that she was not displeased at my having followed her, and did not forget to dart an amorous look at me, which filled me with love and hope. I took particular notice of her house, intending to return without fail that very day to shew myself before her windows. I then took the way towards my Inn again with hasty steps.

I no sooner got into another street, than a sort of waiting-woman with a long thick veil thrown over her, accosted me as I passed along: “Signor Cavalier,” said she, “I beseech you to follow me; I wish to communicate something of consequence to you.” I did not hesitate a moment, but followed her until we both stopped under a large open gateway, when, seeing that nobody could hear us, she addressed me thus: “Charming stranger, your appearance is so handsome and prepossessing, that you will not be surprised when I tell you that a lady of quality who has seen you at church, is quite enchanted and captivated by your elegant person, and wishes to have a private conversation with you. This lady is newly married, and so beautiful that ... but,” added she, breaking off suddenly, “I will say no more; I must let you form your own opinion when you see her.”

I swallowed this bait most greedily, and could scarcely restrain the pleasure that I felt. Affecting, however, to appear modest, I answered, that I knew not in what terms to acknowledge the honour that her mistress had conferred on me; that I did not doubt she was a person of the first quality, and that, therefore, I was most anxious to wait upon her, and throw myself at her feet to thank her for her good opinion of me. “Signor,” said the Confidante, “it will be dangerous to think of seeing her at her own house, for she has a jealous husband: but tell me where you lodge, and I will engage that to-morrow morning at farthest, you shall have an interview with her in your own apartments.” I gave her my address, and she immediately departed to rejoin her Mistress, who, she said, was waiting impatiently to know whether she had reason to thank Dame Fortune, or to reproach her.

I now found myself engaged in two love-intrigues; but I felt most inclined towards the first; not that I was displeased with the second, for it was most flattering to my vanity. “What an advantage it is,” thought I, “to be handsome! no sooner have I made my appearance at Toledo, than two ladies, apparently of the first quality, are already in love with me. What must be the consequence, then, if I stay here long? I shall undoubtedly captivate all the women in the City.” I returned to my Inn full of these pleasing thoughts, which, however, did not prevent my eating a very hearty dinner; after which I sallied out again as soon as I was able without being incommoded by the heat of the sun, and flew towards St. Cyprian, where I paced up and down before the windows of the house into which my first mistress had entered. Not so much as the shadow of a woman, however, was to be seen; notwithstanding which I loitered about until it was quite evening, and my perseverance was at length rewarded. I saw one of the lower windows half opened, which I approached, and in a nymph, who presented herself to my eyes in an undress, I recognized my Princess, who told me, with considerable agitation, that her neighbours, who were a tattling set, would suspect something, and besought me to remain no longer in the street, but to retire for some time, and return in about two hours; that there would be nobody in the house but herself and servants, and that if I pleased, we might then sup together. I was overjoyed at this invitation, which I accepted by kissing one of her hands with an air of tenderness, and at the same time requested that I might be permitted to contribute my dish towards the supper. “That is by no means necessary,” answered the lady; “but as what I have in the house may, possibly, not be to your liking, you can do as you please in that respect.”

As soon as we had settled these preliminaries, I departed for fear of attracting the attention of the neighbours, and thereby destroying the happiness in store for me, and rejoined my page, whom I had ordered to wait for me at the top of the street, and gave him some money, desiring him to procure me a fine pullet nicely dressed, two partridges, a rabbit-pie, four bottles of excellent wine, and some of the choicest fruits. All this was ready, and sent at nine o’clock precisely, and I soon followed, was received by my nymph in the kindest manner, and conducted by her into a neat chamber where she usually slept, with a handsome bed in it, and I could not help observing under a sort of pavilion made with rose-coloured taffeta, a large tub, in which I supposed the Signora occasionally bathed herself. The table was spread here, and the sideboard decorated with my bottles and fruits. I was well pleased at the sight of these preparations, which seemed to promise me an agreeable evening, and could only have wished that my lovely hostess had been in better spirits; for, in spite of her endeavours to affect gaiety, I plainly perceived that she was uneasy from some cause unknown to me.

“My charmer,” said I, “allow me to ask the cause of that sadness which is so evidently depicted on your countenance, and which it is in vain for you to endeavour to conceal.” “Fair stranger,” answered she, sighing, “since I have not been able to conceal my mortification from you, I confess that I am much vexed at some unseasonable news I have just received. My brother, on whom I am entirely dependent, who has been to Court to solicit preferment, has just returned to Toledo; I would have given you notice of this before, had I known where to send to you; nevertheless,” added she, “as he is now gone to sup with a lady of whom he is enamoured, I do not expect him home before midnight. We may at least have the satisfaction of supping, and conversing together; and I have the consolation to add that he will return to Madrid in a day or two, to stay there three months. I should otherwise be inconsolable at his arrival; for he is a man of the most violent temper, and most punctilious in affairs of honour. You cannot conceive what a prisoner I am when he is at home; but, thank God, we shall soon be free from him for some time to come.” This discourse of hers somewhat moderated my joy; the unforeseen return of a brother, and one of his disposition, appeared no laughing matter to me. I felt very far from comfortable, and, to speak truth, was sorry that I had not had notice of it before. For although I was not one of the greatest cowards, yet I had much rather have been obliged to fight in a street than in a house, where I must of necessity defend myself, or lose my ears. As, however, the evil was now without remedy, I considered myself called upon to shew my courage and resolution. I entreated the lady, therefore, to have the supper served up at all events, adding with an air of intrepidity, that if her brother came in and interrupted us, he might choose what proceeding he pleased, but whichever he adopted towards me, he should find that he had to do with one who would be at least his match. The supper was then brought in, and we sat down together; but at that instant we heard a loud knock at the door. “O Heavens!” cried she, rising from her seat as though she was ruined; “that must be my brother,—what will become of me?”

You will perhaps imagine, that to support the bravery of which I had just boasted, I prepared courageously to receive the disturber of our pleasures as I had resolved; but, on the contrary, I was so surprised and terrified at his return, that I thought of nothing but preserving myself from his fury, and was going to creep under the bed; but the sister, considering that I should be safer in the tub, thrust me into it, and covered me with a carpet. Unfortunately for my laced coat this tub was wet and dirty, independently of which I was much cramped, and very far from being at my ease in it.

In the mean time the door was opened to this cursed brother, who had no sooner entered the chamber, than, astonished, or pretending to be so, at finding the table and sideboard so well set out, he remained for some moments without speaking a word; but at length breaking silence; “What means all this preparation, sister?” said he, in an imperative tone; “have either of us been married to day, or for whom is this entertainment meant?” “For you only, whom I have been anxiously expecting,” replied the trembling nymph. “It is something new,” continued he, “to treat me with this ceremony. You cannot pretend that it was to celebrate my return from Madrid, for I sent you word that I should sup in the city.” “True,” replied the lady, “but you well know, that you have often come and surprised me after having told me the same thing; and, if you recollect, you have sometimes been angry that I have not prepared a supper for you.” “I am by no means satisfied,” replied the brother, “and I fear much that our neighbours’ slanders are but too well founded. For a lady of quality you are not sufficiently circumspect in your behaviour. You are well aware of my delicacy on that point, therefore be cautious of taking any steps which may wound my feelings; but,” added he, “let us sit down to supper. I am willing for this evening to put the best interpretation on your intentions.”

At these words he seated himself at the table, and they both fell to upon my unfortunate supper. As for him, he kept grumbling all the while he was stuffing at my expence, and his sister could not utter a single word but what put him into a passion. He cursed and swore, and whenever she ventured to contradict him in any thing, he seemed almost mad with rage, called her every vile name he could think of, and seemed ready to knock her down. Two or three times in the course of their repast, I ventured to lift up a corner of the carpet with which I was covered to take a peep at this terrible fellow; but I was so afraid that he would see me that I dared not take a full view of him.

Time appeared less tedious to him at table than to me in the tub, and I could not possibly conceive how so passionate a fellow could remain so long patient even in eating. He amused himself in this manner, however, for about an hour; and that hour appeared an age to me. He drank at least as heartily as he ate, and emptied three of my bottles in the course of his meal; and when the table was cleared, he called for pipes and tobacco, to make an end, as he said, of the fourth. Upon this the lady, wishing to make me believe that she desired to get rid of this intruder, entreated him to go and smoke in his own chamber, and to leave her at liberty to undress herself and go to bed; but he answered rudely, that she might retire whither she pleased, but that for his own part he felt very comfortable where he was, and intended to pass the night there.

Hearing this last resolution, I now completely gave myself up for lost; for I had flattered myself that the least this abominable intruder could do, after having stuffed himself in this style, was to leave the chamber as he was requested; and that I should remain alone with his sister, to pick the bones he was kind enough to leave. I even hoped that the latter part of the night might prove more agreeable to me than the commencement, but I did not long remain under this flattering delusion. The lady, as though she partook of my uneasiness, endeavoured to prevail on her brother to change his mind, but not being able to succeed either by tears or entreaties, she left the room with all the appearance of being much distressed on my account. No sooner had she gone, than her brother began to behave himself as if he were drunk or mad; sometimes he would sit very quietly for a few minutes, then jump up and walk and dance about the room with his pipe in his mouth; sometimes he would snatch up his sword, and fence against the hangings; whistling, singing, and talking to himself all this while, and swearing like a Jew, threatening to exterminate any man who should dare even so much as look at him.

After having passed above half the night in these extravagances, he at last threw himself at full length on the bed without undressing, placing his sword and pistols within his reach, by way of precaution. “God be praised,” said I to myself, “it will not be necessary, now that he is on the bed, to rock him to sleep; he will soon begin snoring to his heart’s content.” I was, however, once more out in my reckoning; his wine had not the same effect upon him that it has upon others, for, instead of falling asleep, he did nothing but doze at intervals for the space of about two hours, starting up every moment, and crying out, who’s there? as if he heard some noise in the chamber. The only noise that I made, however, in my tub, was in lifting up a corner of the tapestry, to hear whether he slept or not, which, in my impatience to quit this cursed house, I certainly did pretty frequently. Heaven at last took pity on me. This boisterous hero, at about day-break, fell a snoring most lustily; and I then slipped from under my tub as quietly as possible, determined to run all risks rather than remain any longer, and reached the chamber door on tiptoe, with my shoes in my hand. I raised the latch very gently, and made haste towards the street-door, and being so fortunate as to find the key hanging up by it, I opened the door, and ran all the way home to our inn.

Here I found that nobody was yet stirring, not even my page, who thinking that I should of course pass the night in the arms of love, had gone to bed very coolly, without giving himself any concern about me. As I was not willing to disturb any body, I walked into a pastry-cook’s shop in the neighbourhood, that was just opening, and telling the master that I was dying with hunger, requested he would provide me with something to eat. He answered that he had now in his oven some little pasties, fit to be presented to the Archbishop of Toledo, which would soon be sufficiently baked. I determined not to lose this treat, and while I waited until the pasties were drawn from the oven, I had an opportunity of reflecting on my late cruel adventure, and the more I considered it, the more lucky did I esteem myself in having got off so cheaply.

The pastry cook had not, in my opinion, boasted of his pasties without reason, for I either found them excellent, or else my appetite gave them an exquisite taste, which they probably had not. When I left this shop it was quite day; I entered our inn and hastened to my chamber, where I lay down on my bed, and at last fell into a sound sleep, after having tumbled about for two hours without being able to get my late adventure with the brother and sister, and the characters which they had so well supported, out of my head.