“THE ORDER OF THE BATH” By MABEL MARLOWE

Every Saturday night the gnomes all went down to the river to bathe. They used the archway under the wooden bridge for a dressing-room, putting their clothes in little heaps on the stones.

The gnomes that could swim wore red bathing drawers, and were very proud of them, too. Those who could take one foot off the bottom wore blue bathing drawers; and those who could only paddle and splash, wore white ones.

At seven o'clock they all went into the water, where it was shallow at the edge, and grew deep (but not too deep). For half an hour they splashed and swam, and dived, and kicked. Then Humpy the Weather-gnome, who was the Master-of-the-Bath, stood up, and clapped his hands.

“Ready,” he called, and he ran under the bridge and fetched a piece of soap from his pocket. For “batheing” night was also bath night.

Then the gnomes all stood in a row in the water, where it was deep (but not too deep). They stood in a row, with the tallest at the back, and the shortest at the front, and all the others in their right places according to size. Then Humpy gave the piece of soap to Lanky Tom, who was always at the back, and scuttled to his place in front of Toby.

“All ready?” he said.

67“Yes. All ready.”

“Then—Soap!”

Then Lanky Tom dipped the soap in the water to make it froth. He soaped the back of Toby. Then Toby took the soap and soaped the back of Humpy. Humpy soaped Sut. Sut soaped Barney. Barney soaped Lob. And Lob soaped Dump the dwarf, who was always in the front. Then all the gnomes dipped.

Fizz! went the froth. The river sounded like sherbet, and grew the colour of milk. The little wafer of soap that was left went floating away down stream. After that, the gnomes all ran under the bridge, and dried and dressed, chatting all the time.

But one Saturday night a fuss began. Lanky Tom, the ladder-gnome, commenced to grumble.

“It isn't fair,” he said.

“What isn't fair?” asked Humpy.

“It isn't fair that I am always at the back. I never get any soap.”

“Why, you get the soap first of all.”

“Yes, I know. But I soap Toby, and Toby soaps Humpy—but nobody ever soaps me. For twelve years I have had no soap. It isn't fair.”

“H'm! No, it doesn't seem fair,” mumbled Humpy. “It certainly is not fair. But I do not see how we can help it. It isn't our fault that you are the tallest one.”

“No, you can't blame us,” said the other gnomes, all talking at once. Then they began to argue—and they grew so hot about it that they all steamed dry.

68At last Dump the dwarf (who was always in the front) raised his voice.

“Listen to me,” he cried. “I may be the littlest one here, but I have got the most sense. Let's all go into the water again—but let's go the other way round, with the tallest in the front.”

“Of course!” said Humpy. “That is a very bright idea. Line up! Quick March! Left, Right! Now, RIGHT-ABOUT-FACE!”

Solemnly the gnomes marched into the stream in their usual order, and then faced about, so that Lanky Tom was in the front, and Dump the dwarf was at the back. Then Humpy took another tablet of soap and gave it to Dump.

Dump soaped Lob. Lob soaped Barney. Barney soaped Sut. Sut soaped Humpy. Humpy soaped Toby. And Toby soaped Lanky Tom. He lathered his shoulders, and rubbed his back, and gave him such a frothing that when he dipped the whole river boiled and sizzled like a steam engine.

All the willows shook in the breeze, and the fishes gave their tails a mighty flick, and were off.

Back scuttled the gnomes to the bridge, and began to dress.

69“Well, are you satisfied now?” asked Humpy, towelling his head.

“Yes,” replied Lanky Tom. “Yes, I am satisfied now. I have had a good wash at last.”

“So that's settled,” said Humpy, and he began to pull his socks on.

“No, indeed! It isn't settled! It isn't fair!” cried Dump the dwarf, getting red in the face.

“What isn't fair?” asked all the others in chorus.

“I have only had one soaping, and the rest of you have had two.”

“I have only had one, and I am quite satisfied,” said Lanky Tom.

“One is quite enough,” said Barney.

“That's not the point,” cried Dump, growing excited. “The point is this. One gnome was being treated unfairly before. We all admit that. But now TWO gnomes have been treated unfairly. Matters are worse than they were before.”

“It's your own fault. You suggested it. You have got us into a fine muddle with your interference,” said Humpy.

“Yes, indeed!” said Lob. “I've got a complaint to make, too. I've been washed twice.”

“So have all the rest of us,” cried the others, all speaking at once.

“What a waste of soap. Two pieces used instead of one!”

“H'm! That's a serious thing about the soap,” said Humpy. “If we use two tablets each time the soap will only last for half a year, and we shall have to stop grimy for six months at a time.”

“Let's bath once a fortnight,” said Sut.

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“No! I don't like that idea at all,” said Barney. “There is no sense in that—to have two washes in one day, and then none for two weeks.”

“We've done it to-day,” said Sut. “I've been washed when I was perfectly clean.”

“I may be the littlest one here,” shouted Dump, “BUT THAT IS NO REASON WHY I SHOULD BE TREATED WORSE THAN ANYONE ELSE.”

“Tut-ut-tut!” said Toby. “What a fuss! What a silly commotion! And all about nothing! I suggest that we go on the same way as we used to do. We have done it for twelve years. We can do it for twelve years more.”

“Oh! can we?” said Lanky Tom, in an awful voice. “Can we INDEED!” And he stumped up the bank and went off in a huff.

Oh, the consternation under that wooden bridge! The water chattered over the stones; the rushes whispered together, and all the echoes of that dim archway sounded like the moans of a gathering storm.

“Dear, dear! What shall we do?”

“Let's bath by ourselves.”

“No. We can't reach our own backs. Our arms are too short.”

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“I shall resign,” said Humpy, shaking his beard. “For twelve years I have been Master-of-the-Bath, but now I shall resign.”

Gloomily, with many sighs, the gnomes dressed and went away. One by one they disappeared along the lane, and at last Humpy was left alone.

He sat on a stone in the shadows, watching the water as it lapped at the pebbly banks. Twilight settled over the land. Stars began to glimmer in the sky. But Humpy sat under the bridge, and did not move.

He felt very sad, and very old.

Suddenly he heard a voice calling his name.

“Humpy! Humpy! Where are you?”

Mrs. Humpy came running down the bank, peering anxiously under the arch of the bridge.

72“I'm here.”

“Oh, I thought you must be drowned. I watched the other gnomes coming home—and they looked very grave—no smiles or anything—and it made me feel afraid that something had happened.”

73“Something has happened,” said Humpy, and he drew her down beside him, and told her all about it.

She listened to the end without a sound. Then—she laughed aloud.

“Oh, you silly, foolish Humpy,” she cried. “You need not resign at all. There is a much simpler way than that. Next week, when the gnomes come down to bath—make them stand in a ring.”

“Of course!” said Humpy slowly.

If you should pass by the stream on a Saturday evening, you will see a happy sight. A ring of gnomes will be standing in the water, like a clump of rushes, where it is deep, but not too deep.

Listen, and you will hear Humpy, the Master-of-the-Bath, give a loud, clear order.

“Soap!”

Then Lanky will soap Toby, and Toby will soap Humpy, and Humpy will soap Sut, and all round the ring the soap will go. Each gnome will be soaped fairly and well, and when they dip you will hear a fizzling, and see a frothing. The stream will sputter, and the edges of the water will cream and hump as if with snow. Rainbow bubbles will go sailing along under the willows, like a fairy fleet, and the silver fish will hide in the pools, keeping very still.

Not a word will there be of unfairness. Not a grumble. Not a single complaint.

And Humpy the Weather-gnome is still the Master-of-the-Bath.

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