THE BLESSED HERITAGE
Reading edition
["Poverty is a blessed heritage."—Mr. Carnegie.]
'Ere, Lizer, wheer's yer gratitood? 'E ses, ses Mr. C., As it's a blessed 'eritage, is poverty, ses 'e. Then think 'ow thankful an' 'ow blest we oughter feel, us two, But yet yer that contrairy that I'm blest, Liz, if yer do. Wot? 'Ungry? Wot is 'unger? Don't it vary the monotony An' Wooster sorce yer vittles, that's supposin' as yer've got any? Then think of them pore millionaires wot misses the delight Of 'avin' 'ad no breakfast on a roarin' happytite. Then money! I Think, Elizer, of them cruel stocks and shares Wot makes their lives a torter to them martyred millionaires Oh, ain't we much more appy when the sticks is up the spout An' the kids is wantin' dinner and 'as got ter go without? And don't it make yer 'eart bleed, too, to think of all the care Of mansions in the country and an 'ouse in Grosvenor Square? Ah, what would them pore fellers give if honly they could come An' live with all their fam'ly in our garret hup the slum? Wot, Liz? Yer'd like ter see 'em come? 'Ere, none o' that theer charf! Yer'd sell yer bloomin' birthright for a pot of 'arf-an-'arf? Lor, Liz! Ter think as you should be in sich a thankless mood! Yer've got a "blessed 'eritage," an' 'ere's yer gratitood!
'Arry Examined.—Q. "What is meant by 'Higher Education'"?
'Arry. "Getting a tutor at so much a week. That's the way I should 'ire education—if I wanted it."
Why He is Such a Dull Boy.
"'Arry," said an eminent comic singer to his friend, confidentially at the Oxford, "I'm exclusively engaged at the music 'alls; mayn't perform in a theatre."
"Then," replied 'Arry, knowingly, "it's all work and no play with you."
The conclusion was so evident that, had it not been for a good deal of soothing syrup at 'Arry's expense, there might have been a serious breach of the peace.
Toff. "I say, my boy, would you like to drive me to Piccadilly?"
Boy. "I shouldn't mind, old sport, only I don't fink the 'arness would fit yer!"
POOR LETTER H
Tout Contractor (who has been paid a shilling per man, and sees his way to a little extra profit). "Now look 'ere, you two H's! The public don't want yer—nor I don't, nor nobody don't; so jist drop them boards, and then 'ook it!"