'ARRY'S LAMENT
Reading edition
"A public meeting was held at Hampstead last night to protest against the tampering with the Heath by tube railway promoters."—Daily Paper.
Wot! Toobs on 'appy 'Amstid? A stytion at Jack Strors? I 'old the sime a bloomin' shim An' clean agin the lors, Leastwyes it oughter be— If lors wos mide by me No toobs yer wouldn't see On 'appy 'Amstid. Wy, wheer are we ter go, Liz, Ter git a breath of air? Yer 'll set yer teeth agin the 'eath When theer's a toob up there. A pinky-yaller stytion By wye o' deckyrytion— I calls it desecrytion, 'Appy 'Amstid. Oh! sive us 'appy 'Amstid! It's Parrydise, you bet! Theer ain't no smoke ter 'arm a bloke. Nor yet no smuts as yet. An' so I 'opes they 'll tell This bloomin' Yanky swell Ter send 'is toobs ter—well, Not 'appy 'Amstid!
THE WILD WILD EAST
First Coster. "Say, Bill, 'ow d'yer like my new kickseys? Good fit, eh?"
Second Coster. "Fit! They ain't no fit. They're a haper-plictick stroke!"