ECHO'S ANSWERS
Reading edition
To a Cockney Inquirer who consults her concerning the inevitable Annual "Outing" and its probable issues.
Inquirer. What subject sets me worrying and doubting?
Echo. "Outing."
Inquirer. My wife suggests for family health's improving?—
Echo. Roving.
Inquirer. What's the first requisite for taking pleasure?
Echo. Leisure.
Inquirer. The second (for a slave to matrimony)?
Echo. Money.
Inquirer. You say that woman of all founts of mischief—
Echo. Is chief.
Inquirer. What is this close agreement of my women?
Echo. Omen.
Inquirer. I fear for me they'll prove a deal too clever?
Echo. Ever.
Inquirer. What is the manner of my buxom Mary?
Echo. Airy.
Inquirer. And what's her goal in every hint and notion?
Echo. Ocean.
Inquirer. How recommends she Ramsgate, shrimpy, sandy?
Echo. 'Andy.
Inquirer. Whereas I hold it at this season torrid?—
Echo. 'Orrid!
Inquirer. And hint, with a faint view to scare or stop her?—
Echo. 'Opper!
Inquirer. (Meaning the Pulex). Answers she politely?
Echo. Lightly.
Inquirer. How then am I inclined to view the mater?
Echo. 'ate her.
Inquirer. What feel I when she hints at sea-side clothing?
Echo. Loathing.
Inquirer. Mention of what makes all my family scoffers?
Echo. Coffers.
Inquirer. Then if I storm, what word breaks sequent stillness?
Echo. Illness!
Inquirer. What feels a man when women 'gin to blubber?
Echo. Lubber.
Inquirer. What is the show of patience that may follow?
Echo. Hollow!
Inquirer. What would the sex when it assumes that virtue?
Echo. Hurt you.
Inquirer. What's the result of halting and misgiving?
Echo. Giving.
Inquirer. What is man's share anent this yearly yearning?
Echo. Earning.
Inquirer. What's the chief issue of this seaward flowing?
Echo. Owing.
Inquirer. How long before I'm free of tradesmen's pages?
Echo. Ages!
The Moors.
Our Cockney correspondent says that the birds are very wild, and that the heath being extremely slippery, the attempt to run after them is apt to be attended with numerous falls, especially in patent-leather boots. He says the exercise is fatiguing in the extreme, and complains that there are no cabs to be had on the hills though there are plenty of flies.
Double Cockney Conundrum for the Derby Day.
"What eminent composer would in England have probably been 'in the ring'?"
"'Aydn."
"Why?"
"Because who ever 'eard of 'Aydn alone? Ain't it always a 'Aydn and abettin'? Eh? Now then! Come up, can't yer!"
Euphemism.
Cab Tout (exasperated by the persistent attentions of constable). "Look 'ere, ole lightnin'-ketcher, w'ere the missin' word are yer shovin' us to?"
Coster (to acquaintance, who has been away for some months). "Wot are yer bin doin' all this time?"
(Bill Robbins who has been "doing time"). "Oh I 've bin wheelin' a bit, ole man—wheelin' a bit!"
He Thought He was Safe.
Irascible Old Gentleman. "Buy a comb! What the devil should I buy a comb for? You don't see any hair on my head, do you?"
Unlicensed Hawker. "Lor' bless yer, sir!—yer don't want no 'air on yer 'ead for a tooth-comb!!"
A QUESTION OF TASTE
Liz (to Emily). "Mind yer, it's all roight so fur as it goes. All I sez is, it wants a fevver or two, or a bit o' plush somewhares, to give it what I call stoyle!"
The Land of the 'Arry'uns.—'Am'stead 'eath.
When a vulgar husband drops his h's, a good wife drops her eyes.
THE SNOW CURE!!
Fiendish Little Boy (to elderly gentleman, who has come a cropper for the fourth time in a hundred yards). "'Ere I say, guv'nor, you're fair wallerin' in it this mornin'! H'anyone 'ud think as you'd bin hordered it by your medical man!!!"
OPEN TO DOUBT
Ostler (dubiously, to 'Arry, who is trying to mount on the wrong side). "Beg pard'n, sir, I suppose you're quite accustomed to 'osses, sir?"