Volume 5 — Plain Proof Ruin’d: Or, a Grand CHEAT Discover’d.

[Listen]

BOld Impudent Fuller invented a Plot, And all to discover the Devil knows what; About a young Bantling strangely begot. Which no body can deny. The better to cheat both the Fools and the Wise, He Impos’d on a Nation a Hundred of Lies; That none but a Knight of the Post could devise. Which no body can deny. He tells us he had the Honour to peep, In the Warming-pan where the Welch Infant did sleep; And found out a Plot which was Damnable deep, Which no Body can believe. Then to the Wise Senate he suddenly went, Where he told all the Lies that he then could invent, For which he was Voted a Rogue by consent, Which no Body can deny. And tho’ he was Punish’d for that his Offence, He has almost forgot it, it was so long since, Therefore the whole Game he began to Commence, Which no Body can deny. Then he to the Lords his bold Letters did send, And told the high Peers, that the Plot he could mend, And make it as plain, as he first did pretend, Which no Body can deny. He told them his Witnesses were mighty Men, That wou’d come to the Town, tho’ the Devil knows when, And make William Fuller once famous agen, Which no Body can deny. The Lords they were Generous, Noble and Kind, And allowed him Freedom his ’Squires to find, The which he will do when the Devil is Blind, Which no Body can deny. So the Peers they declared him a scandalous Sot, And none thinks him fit to manage a Plot, If Newgate and Tyburn does fall to his Lot, There’s no Body will deny. They gave him no more time than himself did require, To find out his Jones and the wandering ’Squire, But the time being come, they were never the nigher, Which no Body can deny. The brave House of Commons next for him did send, To hear what the Block-headly Fool wou’d pretend, Who humbly request, that they wou’d him befriend, Which no Body can deny. One day he declar’d they were near London Town, But the very next Day into Wales they were flown, Such nimble Heel’d Witnessess never were known, Which no Body can deny. When being Examin’d about his sham Plot, He answer’d as though he had minded them not, Perhaps the Young Rogue had his Lesson forgot, Which no Body can deny. But after some Study and impudent Tales, Ask’d for a Commission to march into Wales, And be Chang’d to a Herse, as Rogues goes to Gaols, Which no Body can deny. But seeing his Impudence still to abound, To go search for the Men who were not to be found, They immediately sent him back to Fleet Pound, Which no Body can deny. From the Fleet to the Cart may he quickly advance To learn the true Steps of old Oates’s New Dance, And something beside, or it is a great Chance, Which no Body can deny. He has made it a Trade to be doing of Wrong, In Swearing, and Lying, and Cheating so long, For all his Life time, he’s been at it ding dong, Which no Body can deny. Welch Taffy he raves and crys Splutterdenails, He’s abused hur Highness with Lies and with Tales, Hur will hang hur if e’er hur can catch hur in Wales, Which no Body will deny.