TOM AND DICK[1]

Tim[2] and Dick had equal fame, And both had equal knowledge; Tom could write and spell his name, But Dick had seen the college. Dick a coxcomb, Tom was mad, And both alike diverting; Tom was held the merrier lad, But Dick the best at farting. Dick would cock his nose in scorn, But Tom was kind and loving; Tom a footboy bred and born, But Dick was from an oven.[3] Dick could neatly dance a jig, But Tom was best at borees; Tom would pray for every Whig, And Dick curse all the Tories. Dick would make a woful noise, And scold at an election; Tom huzza'd the blackguard boys, And held them in subjection. Tom could move with lordly grace, Dick nimbly skipt the gutter; Tom could talk with solemn face, But Dick could better sputter. Dick was come to high renown Since he commenced physician; Tom was held by all the town The deeper politician. Tom had the genteeler swing, His hat could nicely put on; Dick knew better how to swing His cane upon a button. Dick for repartee was fit, And Tom for deep discerning; Dick was thought the brighter wit, But Tom had better learning. Dick with zealous noes and ayes Could roar as loud as Stentor, In the house 'tis all he says; But Tom is eloquenter.

[Footnote 1: This satire is a parody on a song then fashionable.—Scott.] [Footnote 2: Sir Thomas Prendergast. See post, "The Legion Club."] [Footnote 3: Tighe's ancestor was a contractor for furnishing the Parliament forces with bread during the civil wars. Hence Swift calls him Elsewhere Pistorides. See "Prose Works," vii, 233; and in "The Legion Club," Dick Fitzbaker.—W.E.B.]