Act 1 — SCENE IV.

Enter the Baron de Messy.

Sir, I'm your most humble Servant, and ask you a thousand pardons that I should live so long in your neighbourhood, and come upon such an occasion as this to pay you my first respects.

Mr. Barn. It is very well, Sir; but I think people may be very good neighbours without visiting one another.

Baron. Pray how do you like our country?

Mr. Barn. Not at all, I'm quite tired on't.

Marq. Is it not the Baron? [Aside.] it is certainly he.

Baron. How; my dear Marquis! let me embrace you.

Marq. My dear Baron, let me kiss you.

[They run and embrace.

Baron. We have not seen one another since we were school-fellows, before.

Marq. The happiest Rencontré!

Bro. These gentlemen seem to be very well acquainted.

Mr. Barn. Yes, but I know neither one nor t'other of them.

Marq. Baron, let me present to you one of the best-natur'd men in the world, Mr. Barnard here, the flower of hospitality——I congratulate you upon having so good a neighbour.

Mr. Barn. Sir!

Baron. It is an advantage I am proud of.

Mr. Barn. Sir!

Marq. Come, gentlemen, you must be very intimate; let me have the honour of bringing you better acquainted.

Mr. Barn. Sir!

Baron. Dear Marquis, I shall take it as a favour, if you'll do me that honour.

Mr. Barn. Sir!

Marq. With all my heart——Come, Baron, now you are here we can make up the most agreeable company in the world——Faith you shall stay and pass a few days with us.

Mr. Barn. Methinks now, this son of a whore does the honour of my house to a miracle.

Baron. I don't know what to say, but I shou'd be very glad you'd excuse me.

Marq. Faith, I can't.

Baron. Dear Marquis.

Marq. Egad I won't.

Baron. Well, since it must be so——But here comes the Lady of the family.

Enter Mrs. Barnard.

Marq. Madam, let me present you to the flower of France.

Baron. Madam, I shall think myself the happiest person in the world in your Ladyship's acquaintance; and the little estate I have in this country I esteem more than all the rest, because it lies so near your Ladyship.

Mrs. Barn. Sir, your most humble servant.

Marq. Madam, the Baron de Messy is the best humour'd man in the world. I've prevail'd with him to give us his company a few days.

Mrs. Barn. I'm sure you could not oblige Mr. Barnard or me more.

Mr. Barn. That's a damn'd lye, I'm sure.

[Aside.

Baron. I'm sorry, Madam, I can't accept of the honour——for it falls out so unluckily, that I've some ladies at my house that I can't possibly leave.

Marq. No matter, no matter, Baron; you have ladies at your house, we have ladies at our house—let's join companies——come, let's send for them immediately; the more the merrier.

Mr. Barn. An admirable expedient, truly!

Baron. Well, since it must be so, I'll go for them myself.

Marq. Make haste, dear Baron, for we shall be impatient for your return.

Baron. Madam, your most humble servant——But I won't take my leave of you——I shall be back again immediately——Monsieur Barnard, I'm your most humble servant; since you will have it so, I'll return as soon as possible.

Mr. Barn. I have it so! 'sbud, Sir, you may stay as long as you please; I'm in no haste for ye.

[Exeunt Baron and Marquis.

Mr. Barn. Madam, you are the cause that I am not master of my own house.

Mrs. Barn. Will you never learn to be reasonable, husband?

The Marquis returns.

Marq. The Baron is the best humour'd man in the world, only a little too ceremonious, that's all——I love to be free and generous; since I came to Paris I've reform'd half the court.

Mrs. Barn. You are of the most agreeable humour in the world, Marquis.

Marq. Always merry——But what have you done with the ladies?

Mrs. Barn. I left them at cards.

Marq. Well, I'll wait upon 'em——but, Madam, let me desire you not to put yourself to any extraordinary expence upon our accounts——You must consider we have more than one day to live together.

Mrs. Barn. You are pleased to be merry, Marquis.

Marq. Treat us without ceremony; good wine and poultry you have of your own; wild-fowl and fish are brought to your door——You need not send abroad for any thing but a piece of butcher's meat, or so——Let us have no extraordinaries.

[Exit.

Mr. Barn. If I had the feeding of you, a thunder bolt should be your supper.

Mrs. Barn. Husband, will you never change your humour? If you go on at this rate, it will be impossible to live with ye.

Mr. Barn. Very true; for in a little time I shall have nothing to live upon.

Mrs. Barn. Do you know what a ridiculous figure you make?

Mr. Barn. You'll make a great deal worse, when you han't money enough to pay for the washing of your shifts.

Mrs. Barn. It seems you married me only to dishonour me; how horrible this is!

Mr. Barn. I tell ye, you'll ruin me. Do you know how much money you spend in a year?

Mrs. Barn. Not I truly, I don't understand arithmetic.

Mr. Barn. Arithmetic, O lud! O lud! Is it so hard to comprehend, that he who receives but sixpence and spends a shilling, must be ruin'd in the end?

Mrs. Barn. I never troubled my head with accompts, nor never will; but if you did but know what ridiculous things the world says of ye——

Mr. Barn. Rot the world——'Twill say worse of me when I'm in a jail.

Mrs. Barn. A very Christian-like saying, truly.

Mr. Barn. Don't tell me of Christian——Adsbud, I'll turn Jew, and nobody shall eat at my table that is not circumcised.

Enter Lisetta.

Lis. Madam, there's the Dutchess of Twangdillo just fell down near our door, her coach was overturn'd.

Mrs. Barn. I hope her Grace has received no hurt.

Lis. No, Madam, but her coach is broke.

Mr. Barn. Then there's a smith in town may mend it.

Lis. They say, 'twill require two or three days to fit it up again.

Mrs. Barn. I'm glad on't with all my heart, for then I shall enjoy the pleasure of her Grace's good company.——I'll wait upon her.

Mr. Barn. Very fine doings this!

[Exeunt severally.