LOVE IN LACONICS
Reading edition
He. Love you! Have me, dear? She. Humph! How much a year? He. Three hundred! Expectations. She. Tales of hope! Relations? He. Aunt. Ten thousand pounder. Eighty. Always found her Liberal. Thinks me Crichton, Seedy now at Brighton. Made her will,—a right 'un! She. Ah! Aunt-icipations,— Like x in equations— Unknown quantity? Question! Let me see, Love + "screw" + x (Latter for expecs) Equals Me + You! Hardly think 'twill do! Do not wish to vex, But,—first find out x! He. If I prove x ample— She. I'll no longer trample On your hopes. He. Agreed! She. Hope you may succeed!
The Result of an Imprudent Marriage (by our own Matrimonial Adviser).—County Court-ship.
Ethel. "Why, what's the matter, Gertrude?"
Gertrude. "Oh, nothing. Only Jack and I had a quarrel the other day, and I wrote and told him never to dare to speak or write to me again,—— and the wretch hasn't even had the decency to answer my letter!"