TO MY AIRSHIP
Reading edition
[The poet is being piloted on his aerial flight by a prosaic mechanician. It is to the latter that the interpolations are due..]
Thou elfin Puck, thou child of master mind! (Look out! the ballast's slipping off behind.) Thou swanlike Siren of the blue sublime! (Screw up that nut, and never mind the rhyme.) Thine 'tis to fathom Æther's highest pole! (This wind will fairly get us in a hole.) Thine to explore the azure-vaulted dome! (I wonder how the deuce we're going home.) Up, up, thou speedest, flaunting, flaunting high, Thy glist'ring frame emblazon'd 'gainst the sky; And myriad-minded fancies still pursue Thy gliding—(Blow! the anchor's fouled the screw!) Thou stormy petrel, kissing heaven's height, (Petrol! The rotten stuff declines to light) Onward thou soarest o'er the City's dust Shimmering, triumphant. (Gad! The motor's bust!)
Q. Give the French for "a policeman's beat." A. Un tour de Force.
Q. What is the difference between a traveller and a popular vegetable?
A. One has been abroad and the other's a broad bean.
[Exit Querier rapidly.
The American Rush.
American Tourist. "Say, how long will it take to see over the ruins?"
Caretaker. "About an hour, sir."
American Tourist. "And how long will it take you to tell us about it?"
"Is this your favourite view, poppa darling?"
"Why, certainly. But—ahem!—I prefer it unframed!"
Cold Comfort.
Visitor to the West Indies (who has been warned against bathing in the river because of alligators, but has been told by the boatman that there are none at the river's mouth). "By jove, this is ripping! But, I say, how do you know there are no alligators here?"
Boatman. "Well, you see, sah, de alligator am so turr'ble feared ob de shark!"