ROUND THE TOWN
Reading edition
In the sixty-six years of his existence Mr. Punch has at one time or another touched upon every phase of life in London. He has moved in high society; he has visited the slums; he has been to the churches, the theatres, the concert rooms; he has travelled on the railways, in the 'buses and the cabs; he has amused himself on 'Change; he has gone shopping; he has lounged in the clubs, been a shrewd watcher and listener at the Law Courts, dined in the hotels and restaurants, sat in Parliament, made merry in the servants' hall, loitered along the pavements with a quick eye and ear for the wit and humour of the streets, and dropped in casually, a genial and observant visitor, at the homes and haunts of all sorts and conditions of men and women.
Obviously it is impossible that the fruits of all this adventuring could be gathered into a single volume; some of them are garnered already in other volumes of this series, in books that deal particularly with Mr. Punch's representations of what he has seen and heard of Society, of the Cockney, of the Lawyers, of our Domestics, of Clubmen and Diners-out, of the Theatres; therefore, in the present volume, we have limited him in the main to his recollections of the actual civic life in London, to his diversions on the Stock Exchange and in the Money Market generally, his pictured and written quips and jests about London's businesses and business men, with glimpses of what he knows of the variously dazzling and more or less strenuous life that everywhere environs these.
Subject for a Decorative Panel.
Road "up." Time—in the height of the season. Place—everywhere.
MR. PUNCH'S LIFE IN LONDON
The City "Article."—Money.
From the Streets.—A street conjuror complained the other day that he couldn't throw the knives and balls about, because he did not feel in the vein.
"In what vein?" asked a bystander, weakly.
"The juggler vein, of course, stupid!" was the answer.
[The bystander retired.
A Light Employment.—Cleaning windows.
"The Model Ready Reckoner."—The man with his last shilling.
Money-Market and City Intelligence.—Operators for the rise—aeronauts; likewise anglers.
Just Off—the Bourse.—Stockbroker (to Client who has been pretty well loaded with certain scrip). Well, it just comes to this. Are you prepared to go the whole hog or none?
Client (timidly). I think I'd rather go the none.
What Colour should Parasites Dress in?—Fawn.
HOUSEHOLD HINTS FOR ECONOMICAL MANAGERS
How to Obtain a good Serviceable Light Porter.—Take a pint of stout, and add a quart of spring water. There you have him.
How to make Hats last.—Make everything else first.
How to Prevent Ale from Spoiling.—Drink it.
How to Avoid being Considered above your Business.—Never live over your shop.
How to make your Servants rise.—Send them up to sleep in the attics.
Bus Driver (to charioteer of broken-down motor-car). "I've been tellin' yer all the week to taike it 'ome, an' now yer wants to, yer cawn't!"