SEASIDE SPLITTERS
Reading edition
LOW-TIED ROCKS
SEE-WEED MUSCLE GATHERERS
A KNAW WESTER HIGH TIED
LIFE WOULD BE PLEASANT, BUT FOR ITS "PLEASURES."—Sir Cornewall Lewis
In consequence of the English watering-places being crowded, people are glad to find sleeping accommodation in the bathing-machines.
Boots (from Jones's Hotel). "I've brought your shaving water, sir; and you'll please to take care of your boots on the steps, gents: the tide's just a comin' in!"
RETURNING HOME FROM THE SEASIDE
All the family have colds, except the under-nurse, who has a face-ache. Poor materfamilias, who originated the trip, is in despair at all the money spent for nothing, and gives way to tears. Paterfamilias endeavours to console her with the reflection that "he knew how it would be, but that, after all, St. John's Wood, where they live, is such a healthy place that, with care and doctoring, they will soon be nearly as well as if they had never left it!"
[Two gay bachelors may be seen contemplating paterfamilias and his little group. Their interest is totally untinged with envy.
OVERHEARD AT SCARBOROUGH
"Do you know anything good for a cold?"
"Yes."
"What is it?"
"Have you got the price of two Scotch whiskies on you?"
"No."
"Then it's no use my telling you."
Snobson (to inhabitant of out-of-way seaside resort). "What sort of people do you get down here in the summer?"
Inhabitant. "Oh, all sorts, zur. There be fine people an' common people, an' some just half-an'-half, like yourself, zur."
THE OYSTERS AT WHITSTABLE FROZEN IN THEIR BEDS!
(See Daily Papers)
A DELICIOUS DIP.
Bathing Attendant. "Here, Bill! The gent wants to be took out deep—take 'im into the drain!!"
She. "How much was old Mr. Baskerville's estate sworn at by his next-of-kin?"
He. "Oh—a pretty good lot."
She. "Really? Why, I heard he died worth hardly anything!"
He. "Yes, so he did—that's just it."
EVIDENCE OLFACTORY
Angelina (scientific). "Do you smell the iodine from the sea, Edwin? Isn't it refreshing?"
Old Salt (overhearing). "What you smell ain't the sea, miss. It's the town drains as flows out just 'ere!"
OBLIGING.
Excursionist (to himself). "Ullo! 'ere's one o' them artists. 'Dessay 'e'll want a genteel figger for 'is foreground. I'll stand for 'im!!!"
True Dipsomania.—Overbathing at the seaside.