HOW TO ENJOY A HOLIDAY
Reading edition
A Social Contrast I.—The Wrong Way
ILE OF MAN
Pater. Here at last! A nice reward for a long and tedious journey!
Mater. Well, you were always complaining in town.
Pater. Broken chairs, rickety table, and a hideous wall-paper!
Mater. Well, I didn't buy the chairs, make the table, or choose the wall-paper. Discontent is your strong point.
Pater. And is likely to remain so. Really, that German band is unbearable!
Mater. My dear, you have no ear for music. Why, you don't even care for my songs! You used to say you liked them once.
Pater. So I did—thirty years ago!
Mater. Before our marriage! And I have survived thirty years!
Pater. Eh? What do you mean by that, madam?
Mater. Anything you please. But come—dinner's ready.
Pater. Dinner! The usual thing, I suppose—underdone fish and overdone meat!
Mater. Well, I see that you are determined to make the best of everything, my dear!
Pater. I am glad you think so, my darling!
[And so they sit down to dinner.
II.—The Right Way.
Pater. Here at last! What a charming spot! A fitting sequel to a very pleasant journey!
Mater. And yet you are very fond of town!
Pater. This room reminds me of my own cozy study. Venerable chairs, a strange old table, and a quaintly-designed wall-paper.
Mater. Well, I think if I had had to furnish the house, I should have chosen the same things myself. But had they been ever so ugly, I feel sure that you would have liked them. You know, sir, that content is your strong point.
Pater. I am sure that I shall find no opportunity of getting any merit (after the fashion of Mark Tapley) for being contented in this pleasant spot. What a capital German band!
A GOAT AND TWO KIDS
Mater. I don't believe that you understand anything about music, sir. Why, you even pretend that you like my old songs!
Pater. And so I do. Every day I live I like them better and better. And yet I heard them for the first time thirty years ago!
Mater. When we were married! And so I have survived thirty years!
Pater. Eh? What do you mean by that, madam?
Mater. That I am a living proof that kindness never kills. How happy we have been! But come—dinner's ready.
Pater. Dinner! The usual thing, I suppose—a nice piece of fish and a juicy joint. Now, that's just what I like. So much better than our pretentious London dinners! Not that a London dinner is not very good in its proper place.
Mater. Well, I see that you are determined to make the best of everything, my dear.
Pater. I am glad you think so, my darling!
[And so they sit down to dinner.
AWFUL SCENE ON THE CHAIN PIER, BRIGHTON
Nursemaid. "Lawk! There goes Charley, and he's took his mar's parasol. What will missus say?"
Temperance Enthusiast. "Look at the beautiful lives our first parents led. Do you suppose they ever gave way to strong drink?"
The Reprobate. "I 'xpect Eve must 'a' done. She saw snakes!"
A POWERFUL QUARTET
(At all events it looks and sounds like one)
