TWO HANDSOME NEW BOOKS

NAVAL ACTIONS OF THE WAR OF 1812

By James Barnes. With 21 Full-page Illustrations by Carlton T. Chapman. Printed in color or tint. 8vo, Cloth, Ornamental, Deckel Edges and Gilt Top, $4.50.

THE DWARFS' TAILOR

And Other Fairy Tales. Collected by Zoe Dana Underhill. Illustrated. Post 8vo, Cloth, Ornamental, $1.75.

HARPER & BROTHERS, Publishers, New York

THE MOON-FAY PORTRAIT-GALLERY.

Upon a giant lily-pad the Bull-frog sits at night To have his portrait painted by a cunning little sprite; The artist begs him take a pose that gives him greatest ease, And every now and then he says, "Look pleasant, if you please."

Some years ago there lived in England a certain bishop who was extremely pompous, and very fond of impressing upon the minds of the poorer people the evil of doing wrong. As they never seemed to do aught but wrong in the worthy man's opinion, it sometimes became irksome to these people to hear him constantly admonishing them to do right. One of the bishop's habits was to visit the miners a short distance from his city, and his presence grew familiar to these toilers. During one of his calls he found a group of them talking together, and after a few preliminary words on his customary subject of doing right, he asked them what they were talking of.

"You see," said one of the men, "we found a kettle, and us has been er-trying who can tell the biggest loi to own the kettle."

The bishop was duly surprised, and read the men a lecture in which he spoke of how strongly the offence of lying had been impressed upon him when he was young, and how he had never told a lie in the whole course of his life. He had hardly finished when one of the men cried out,

"Gi'e him the kettle, Jim! Gi'e him the kettle."

TIT FOR TAT.

A British sailor being a witness in a murder case, was called to the stand, and was asked by the counsel for the Crown whether he was for the plaintiff or defendant.

"Plaintiff or defendant?" said the sailor, scratching his head. "Why, I don't know what you mean by plaintiff or defendant. I come to speak for me friend," pointing to the prisoner.

"You're a pretty fellow for a witness," said the counsel, "not to know what plaintiff or defendant means."

Later in the trial the counsel asked the sailor what part of the ship he was in at the time of the murder.

"Abaft the binnacle, me lord," said the sailor.

"Abaft the binnacle?" replied the barrister. "What part of the ship is that?"

"Ain't you a pretty feller for a counsellor," said the sailor, grinning at the counsel, "not to know what abaft the binnacle is!"

The court laughed.

EASILY SATISFIED.

There was once a mandarin who was excessively fond of jewels, and always walked abroad with his robe covered with the sparkling gems. One day he was accosted by an old bonze, who, following him through the street, bowed himself often to the ground and thanked the mandarin for his jewels.

"What does the man mean?" cried the mandarin, in great alarm. Then addressing the bonze, he said, "I never gave you any jewels, man!"

"No," replied the bonze, "but you have let me look at them, and that is all the use you can make of them yourself, so there is no difference between us, except that you have the trouble of guarding them, a task I should not care for."

In a book of travels written by a Mr. Barrow we find this interesting bit of information. A Hottentot was seen to apply the short end of his wooden tobacco-pipe to the mouth of a snake when the reptile was darting out its tongue. Death was instantaneous, the effect almost like an electric shock; with a convulsive motion that lasted only for a moment the snake half untwisted itself, and then became still. And upon examination the muscles were found to be so contracted that the snake felt as hard as if it had been dried in the sun.

Frederick the Great of Prussia used to tell a laughable story of an experience of his own. During one of his campaigns in Silesia, he made it his habit to stroll through his camp in disguise at night, to come more in touch with his soldiers. One night he was stopped by a sentry, but, giving the proper password, was permitted to proceed. Instead of doing so, however, he endeavored to tempt the sentry into accepting a cigar, saying that a smoke would solace his long watch.

"It is against the rules," said the soldier.

"But you have my permission," said Frederick.

"Your permission!" cried the soldier. "And who are you?"

"I am the King."

"The King be hanged!" said the incorruptible sentry. "What would my Captain say?"

AN EMBARRASSING REQUEST.

"Will you kindly lend us your brush for a moment, Sir Reynard? You know a beaver never looks neat unless well brushed."

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