Volume 3 — Hollywood Flirtations

(The following item was written a few days before the tragic death of Mr. Taylor. Miss Normand at this time is reported the last known visitor to Mr. Taylor’s apartment before the slaying.)

Mabel Normand is tripping the light fantastic at the Cocoanut Grove very often. Sometimes it’s William D. Taylor, Lasky director, and we also hear that Mack Sennett gave her a wonderful birthday party and many presents. When the girls get Mabel to talk in the seclusion of her own boudoir, the sly gal brings out a little bag just dangling full of nice diamond solitaire engagement rings. When she gets a new one she gives the bag a toss and giggles! That’s how seriously Mabel takes this matrimony stuff!

* * *

An ironic fact has put May Collins into the very dressing room at the Mayer studio formerly occupied by Mildred Harris. May, you know, has been often reported as engaged to Charlie Chaplin, Mildred’s noted ex. Miss Collins, it is said, found a picture of Charlie in a remote drawer of the dresser, wiped off the dust and stuck it in the mirror for her own perusal!

* * *

Bebe Daniels’ grandmother, her mother and Jack Dempsey all deny that Bebe and Jack are to wed. Reporters have even interviewed the family cat on the subject, but the news tip has fallen flat all around!

* * *

And, speaking of Charlie Chaplin, his leading lady, Edna Purviance (who was one of Charlie’s early loves as well) is reported engaged to Paul Hunter, wealthy business man and polo player of Pasadena.

* * *

Lucille Carlisle again will be leading lady for Larry Semon. She formerly was engaged to marry Semon, but suddenly the engagement was declared off; she left the studio and nothing had been heard of her for several months. Now it appears that all is again sweetness and light between Miss Carlisle and the comedian.

* * *

Whiz Bang will soon invade a new territory. We believe that the Laguna Beach and La Jolla artist colonies have been too long neglected in our zeal to disclose those little personal affairs out in Hollywood. While fair and winsome Hollywood nobly tows a few barges of stuff, Whiz Bang’s astute investigators have discovered naughty Laguna Beach doing just terrible things and getting away with it because there are four hours of muddy automobile road away from any sort of town. La Jolla has this week confirmed some of our suspicions in the bathing suit marriage which took place when Del Carmen and Sarah Andrews plighted their serious (?) troth in the trough of the ocean. Artist like, they just wanted to be “different.”

Of course you wouldn’t think an artist who paints with a brush could be as lowbrow as those Hollywood actors, but you just ought to be in on some of the parties staged down at sneaky little Laguna Beach. An artist colony (many of them people of national reputation, too), resides there permanently in a little world of their own. Judging from several little Bohemian affairs visited by Whiz Bang’s official chaperone, we would judge that everyone’s in love with best friend’s wife, and best friend doesn’t even care! Sandals, and loose sloppy clothes and no haircuts usually travel with freedom of thought. That’s why it’s hard to believe that some of Hollywood’s most athletic, healthiest, best groomed and best clothed actors are steeped in sin!

The Hollywood Chamber of Commerce and the Motion Picture Producers’ Association have just joined forces to combat magazine and newspaper propaganda tending to paint Hollywood as a modern Babylon. Whiz Bang suggests the simple expedient of throwing loads of mud at somebody else (perhaps Laguna or La Jolla), thus diverting the scandal hungry eyes of the nation away from Hollywood long enough to pull a few more good parties.

* * *

Charlie Chaplin and Douglas Gerrard gave a lovely dinner party in honor of Mme. Anna Pavlowa, husband and company on their recent visit to Los Angeles. This year’s party was drier than the last, but Douglas, we haven’t forgotten that party you gave in Anna’s honor about two years ago! The Wilshire district and Los Angeles “upper ten” gave a smart tea in the afternoon at the residence of a well-known society woman. Everyone in society was there and poor Anna shook hands and said polite things until her patience was almost at an end. So, when Douglas’ party was pulled off that evening ’tis said Anna cut loose, enjoyed a lot of naughty stories and vowed she preferred Bohemians! You know Douglas can tell ’em, too!

* * *

It was only two weeks ago that we thought we saw Mabel Normand dancing at the Cocoanut Grove with F. Richard Jones; chief director under Mack Sennett, but Mabel “bawled” out a morning sheet for insinuating such a thing, so maybe it isn’t true! Anyhow, Mrs. F. Richard has just filed suit for divorce. She asks $1,000 a month alimony, claiming hubby earns $100,000 a year. Mutual jealousy seems to have caused the break-up.

* * *

“Billie” Rhodes, comedy star of picturedom, has filed a divorce action against William Jobelmann, a theater publicity man. She charges he drank, even stealing a bottle from her own private stock to appease his desire. This, says Billie, capped the climax and she asks her freedom.

* * *

Mrs. Thelma Morgan Goetz, pretty English actress, has just divorced Ronald Goetz, formerly a captain in the English army. They are both members of Hollywood’s film colony. “He made a wonderful lover,” complained the wife, “but not a good husband. He wanted his fling—he craved variety.”

* * *

Paramount opened its Wilshire district studio just recently. Was it for this reason that the Los Angeles police department found it necessary to open a Wilshire station the same day?

* * *

When a woman puckers up her lips to be kissed she is just setting her trap.

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* * *

“Youth must have its fling,” said the Scotchman, as he started his bag-pipe working.

* * *

Torch’s Best One

She (to fair friend)—“I’m not going with Bill any more.”

Fair Friend—“Why not?”

She—“He knows too many naughty songs.”

Fair Friend—“Does he sing them?”

She—“No, but he’s always whistling them.”

* * *

Song of the Tire Chain

* * *

Girls may smoke. However, the correct way to light a match still remains a man’s privilege.

* * *

In Valparaiso

Why so sad, Diogenes?

I was going up College Avenue looking for an honest man, and, alas, someone stole my lantern.

* * *

“That pianist sure claws a mean batch of ivories.”

“Yeh, he sure beats a nasty can!”

* * *

“Now do be sure to come and see us soon, won’t you?”

“Yes, we will. We’ll call on you the first time we go slumming.”

* * *

Soliloquy of a Hooch-hound

When my soul becomes clogged with evil deeds, my mind and conscience inundated with hideous hallucinations, and my heart dry and acrid with the pain of living, I imbue my soul, my heart, my mind with King Alcohol.

Then, as the morning breeze dissipates the fog, the kindly King cleanses my soul; as the sun dries and purifies the stagnant swamp, so Alcohol transforms the morass of my mind into a verdant meadow; as the spring rains change the desolation of winter into flowers and grain, so my lord and master changes the cynical, skeptical desert of my heart into an oasis of compassion and philanthropy.

That’s why I drink.

* * *

The Diff’unce

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Special For the Clergy

“Father,” explained the visitor to the priest, “I ask penance for the sin of bootlegging.”

Father Kelly was puzzled and telephoned the superior father for advice.

“What shall I give a bootlegger, Very Reverend Sir?” the priest inquired.

“Don’t give him more than five dollars,” came the answer. “That’s all I ever pay.”

* * *

London Post Toastie

“Oh, what a naughty little boy,” cried the kind lady, “to beat and kick his poor mother like that!”

“Take no notice of the choild at all,” responded the proud mother. “Bliss his little heart, he must do everything he sees his father do!”

* * *

* * *

Lodge Notice

The Bootleggers’ Benevolent Association of America.

Meets every Thirsty night at Wood-Alco Hall. At our next meeting the following officers will be installed:

F. U. Selloyl, High Muck-a-Muck of the Mash.

I. Rob. Sellers, Bearer of the Boot.

Formal D. Hyde, Lord of the Leg.

R. Ott Gutt, Licker of the Labels and Seals.

A special lecture on “Making Moonshine with the Materials at Hand” will be given, with Prof. Ray Sinn at the Still.

* * *

Spring Sports

Standing in the barnyard and watching the cows come in.