Volume 2 — Jest Jokes and Jingles
Reading edition
That Girl You Lost!
Long though a man recalls the achievements of his life, yet it is quite often the little things he failed to achieve that linger longest in his memory; even after he has forgotten her name and whether her eyes were brown or blue.
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The Garbage Blues
Rocks in the mountains, Fish in the sea, A garbage man’s daughter Made a dump out of me.
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Remorse
Those dry martinis were too much for me. Last night at twelve I felt immense, Today, I feel like thirty cents. But it is a poor time for mirth and laughter, The cold, gray dawn of the morning after.
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I went to a dance with a girl named Nora, We danced and we danced on the floor-a, I heard a rip, and I knew by chance That Nora had lost her desire to dance.
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A Modern Man’s Prayer
Oh, please, give me a woman who can make real beer.
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It’s all right to shoot the bull provided you don’t give a bum steer.
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A Sun Dodger
They sat in the park, out there in the dark, And the chaperone thought it quite shocking; She found ’em all right, for she saw in the night, The radium clock on each stocking.
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We Clipped This
(From Fayetteville Press.)
Shore is tough these days, to try to tell a girl a good joke and have her say: “Never mind, I read Whiz Bang myself.”
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It wasn’t the drink that killed poor John, Nor a sight that took his breath, But he read a Whiz Bang, so ’tis said, And laughed himself to death.
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An Alabam’ Ad
Wanted—Boy for bakery. Must come well bred, an early riser, born in the yeast, a good mixer and will get his dough every Saturday night.
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When Phyllis lets me tie her shoe My glad heart sings. Indeed, I do declare, I wouldn’t care Were she a centipede.
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Rosy Roses of Army Daze
A Camp Dix, N. J., “shave-tail” was giving his men a talk on personal hygiene. Finishing his verbal exploitation, he said: “ ... and men, profit by my example; when I finish drilling in the afternoon, the first thing I do is to take a bath and shave; then, when I retire I feel rosy and cheerful.” Whereupon one of his disciples emerged from the ranks with his hand raised to a salute, saying: “Beg pardon, lieutenant, but we ain’t got any Rosy.”
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There was a young person named Willy Whose actions were what you’d call silly; He went to a ball, Dressed in nothing at all, Pretending to represent Chili.
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Prohibition Proverbs
No brew venture, no brew have.
Empty flask never won fair lady.
A case in the cellar is worth two in the brewery.
Much falls between the hip and the lip.
He that reckons without his cellar must reckon again.
A fool’s flask is soon empty.
As you brew so shall you be respected.
One good sip deserves another.
If you drink before you try, you may repent before you die.
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Some Female Types
The Alarm Clock Type—Shrill voice, large hands and a plain face.
The Wrist Watch Type—Small framed, handsomely embellished; very erratic.
The Mantel-piece Type—Pretty features, with nothing reliable behind them.
The Big Ben Type—Hardest to face in the morning.
The Wall Type—Very fancy, having a good swing, and goes “Cuckoo” without attention.
The Eight-day Type—Steady and reliable, but, once started, stops for nothing less than an axe.
The Ingersoll Type—Goes through fire, flood, famine and earthquake without changing in constancy, yet, once lost, its owner doesn’t think it worth the price of an advertisement.
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The big girls who have little brothers, Who always run and tell their mothers Whate’er they hear and see, know well In life ’tis little things that tell.
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A pretty girl jumps to the conclusion that every man she meets wants to kiss her. And the wonder of it all is that she is right.
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Circumstantial
Hattie—Do you think he loves her?
Mattie—My dear, I know it. I saw them come out of the study after the last dance, and her hair was a sight!—Williams Purple Cow.
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Sweethearts a la Carte
By Jane Gaites.
Tommy was a butcher, He had a cutting way. Johnny was a burglar, For he stole my heart away. Jimmie was a cowboy, He roped me in for fair. Dick was an aviator, So I bade him take the air. Teddy was a sailor, He bought my ring on sale. Jerry was a beer fiend, It makes me turn quite pale. A tennis champ was Nicky, But his racket made me sick. Then came red-haired Georgie, And he surely was a brick. Jackie was a card sharp, He often held my hand. But give me Bill, He’s just a bear— Oh, boy, he hugs so grand!
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Eat less, breathe more. Talk less, think more. Ride less, walk more. Worry less, work more. Clothe less, bathe more. Waste less, give more. Preach less, practice more.
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World Famous Art Pictures
“WORLD FAMOUS ART PICTURES” in book album, size 8 × 11, handsomely cloth bound, containing 350 photographic reproductions of masterpieces by the world’s greatest artists. The various pictures of the nude, semi-nude, single figures, and groups comprise the largest collection of nude female, male and child subjects ever published in a single volume, and the most complete work of its kind in existence. Printed on heavy enamel paper, in double toned gravures. Weight five pounds. Price $7.50 per copy. Shipped by express only.
“STUDIES OF THE HUMAN FIGURE.” A beautiful imported book, size 6 × 9, containing 78 full page plates, comprising 108 photographic studies from life of the female, male and child subjects, in the nude, with Anatomical Diagrams and Artists’ Studies in all mediums. In artistic ornamental binding. Price $10.00 per copy. Shipped by express.
“ALO STUDIES.” The first edition of Alo Nude Studies published in book form, size 5 × 8, just off the press. Printed in an edition de luxe, with thirty-two full page illustrations and forepiece in elaborate color plates. In these compositions the purity and charm of the nude has been blended amid the luxuriant settings of nature, imparting a divine expression of beauty. A collection of beautiful nudes in book form. Price $2.00 per copy.
“WHO’S WHO ON THE SCREEN.” For Motion Picture Fans. Contains 424 pages of beautiful photographs and complete biographies of all the Stars in Screenland. A full page is devoted to each star! Artistically printed on finest coated paper; handsomely bound in Navy Blue Shantung cloth with splendid three-color jacket. Postpaid to any address in the world for $3.50.
“MOVIE” Souvenir Playing Cards. This pack is a veritable picture gallery of the celebrities of the “Movie Stage.” The faces show fifty-three beautiful half-tone portraits of the “WORLD’S GREATEST MOTION PICTURE STARS.” The pack has regular Playing Card Indexes, 52 Cards and Joker. Highly enameled, flexible, with a high slip and beautiful ivory finish, which makes it a delight to handle. Gold edged cards in handsome telescope cases. Price $1.00 per pack, prepaid.
Remit by money order or bank draft. Shipment made within twenty-four hours after receipt of order.
THE AMERICAN ART COMPANY Wholesale and Retail JANESVILLE, WISCONSIN, U. S. A.
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GENUINE PHOTOGRAPHS
We are headquarters for photographs and pictures of all kinds, offering the most complete line in the country.
Catalogue “A,” 1921 edition, now ready. Contains illustrations of 409 Nude and Semi-Nude, 304 Bathing Girl, 192 Movie Star and 49 Statuary Photographs. More than 1,000 illustrations in all. Shipped by PREPAID EXPRESS. Price $1.00 per copy.
25 Art Nude Photographs, size 3½ × 5½, no two alike $2.00
25 Semi-Nude Photographs, size 3½ × 5½, no two alike 2.00
50 Art Nude Photographs, size 3½ × 5½, no two alike 3.00
50 Semi-Nude Photographs, size 3½ × 5½, no two alike 3.00
100 Art Nude and Semi-Nude, size 3½ × 5½, no two alike 5.00
12 Semi-Nude Photographs, size 3½ × 5½, no two alike $1.00
16 Statuary Photographs, size 3½ × 5½, no two alike 1.00
20 Bathing Girl Photographs, size 3½ × 5½, no two alike 1.00
20 Movie Star Photographs, size 3½ × 5½, no two alike 1.00
50 Bathing Girl Photographs, size 3½ × 5½, no two alike 2.50
50 Movie Star Photographs, size 3½ × 5½, no two alike 2.50
100 Bathing Girl Photographs, size 3½ × 5½, no two alike 4.00
100 Movie Star Photographs, size 3½ × 5½, no two alike 4.00
250 Bathing Girl Photographs, size 3½ × 5½, no two alike 10.00
500 Bathing Girl Photographs, size 3½ × 5½, no two alike 20.00
12 Art Nudes, size 8 × 10, excellent poses, all different $10.00
25 Art Nudes, size 8 × 10, excellent poses, all different 15.00
50 Art Nudes, size 7½ × 9½, our leading sellers, no two alike 25.00
100 Art Nudes, size 7½ × 9½, excellent poses, all different 50.00
25 Art Nudes, size 5 × 7, no two alike $10.00
50 Art Nudes, size 5 × 7, no two alike 20.00
100 Art Nudes, size 5 × 7, no two alike 35.00
SPECIAL ASSORTMENT In order that you may become acquainted with our line of beautiful nudes, we will forward, upon receipt of Ten Dollars, a special assortment of twelve genuine photographs, comprising four each of the following sizes: 7½ × 9½, 8 × 10 and 11 × 14. If the selection does not prove entirely satisfactory upon receipt, you may return the same to us intact, and we will immediately refund your money.
Art Nudes are shipped by sealed express. Remit by money order or bank draft. All orders shipped promptly.
THE AMERICAN ART COMPANY Wholesale and Retail JANESVILLE, WISCONSIN, U. S. A.
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Everywhere!
Whiz Bang is on sale at all leading hotels, news stands, 25 cents single copies; on trains 30 cents, or may be ordered direct from the publisher at 25 cents single copies; two-fifty a year.
