Volume 10 — AN ODYSSEY OF K'S

I've traveled up and down this land And crossed it in a hundred ways, But somehow can not understand These towns with names chock-full of K's. For instance, once it fell to me To pack my grip and quickly go— I thought at first to Kankakee But then remembered Kokomo. "Oh, Kankakee or Kokomo," I sighed, "just which I do not know." Then to the ticket man I went— He was a snappy man, and bald, Behind an iron railing pent— And I confessed that I was stalled. "A much K'd town is booked for me," I said. "I'm due to-morrow, so I wonder if it's Kankakee Or if it can be Kokomo." "There's quite a difference," growled he, "'Twixt Kokomo and Kankakee." He spun a yard of tickets out— The folded kind that makes a strip And leaves the passenger in doubt When the conductor takes a clip. He flipped the tickets out, I say, And asked: "Now, which one shall it be? I'll sell you tickets either way— To Kokomo or Kankakee." And still I really did not know— I thought it might be Kokomo. At any rate, I took a chance; He struck his stamp-machine a blow And I, a toy of circumstance, Was ticketed for Kokomo. Upon the train I wondered still If all was right as it should be. Some mystic warning seemed to fill My mind with thoughts of Kankakee, The car-wheels clicked it out: "Now, he Had better be for Kankakee!" Until at last it grew so loud, At some big town I clambered out And elbowed madly through the crowd, Determined on the other route. The ticket-agent saw my haste; "Where do you wish to go?" cried he. I yelled: "I have no time to waste— Please fix me up for Kankakee!" Again the wheels, now fast, now slow, Clicked: "Ought to go to Kokomo!" Well, anyhow, I did not heed The message that they sent to me. I went, and landed wrong indeed— Went all the way to Kankakee. Then, in a rush, I doubled back— Went wrong again, I'd have you know. There was no call for me, alack! Within the town of Kokomo. And then I learned, confound the luck, I should have gone to Keokuk!