THE TWENTY-EIGHTH PAPYRUS

But we ascended the silver-shining chariot inlaid with crabs and moons in mother-of-pearl, a wonder to be seen, Love being our charioteer; and we flew afar to the remote regions of the skies, gazing (from time to time, and with certain thoughts) on the grain-giving earth below.

Now there were certain dynasties of gods, such as those of Anahoyak and Nippon and Serica,⁠[61] with whom the Olympians dealt but rarely: for they were of a secretive nature, nor did they exactly welcome guests from afar, but rather did they slam the door of divine hospitality, excepting when rare embassages brought news of very grave matters. And, indeed, no such embassage had been sent from lofty Olympos across the streams of ocean since Pantokrator Zeys sent pious Deykalion announcing his accession to the throne of Khronos. For which cause, it was not deemed necessary that I and Queen Helen should fare so far to visit divine ones whose very names cannot be written in the Argive tongue.

And, first, we came to the court of the gods of Assyria. There, indeed, we were mingled in friendship with the Seven Magnificencies, Anna who rules the Assyrian sky, Ea who rules their earth, Mulge who rules their abyss, the three rulers of their sun and their moon and their air, and Belmarduk the god. Beside those, we were mingled in courtesy with their fifty great gods, and their three hundred heavenly sprites, and their six hundred earthly sprites. Also, I held converse with their heroes, Gilgamish and Eabani, the same who came to me in Khem; and, while I admired their most artificial beards, the mind in my lordly breast grieved, because (though brave enough and strong) they seemed to me to be but curly and oily bullocks or gladiators in comparison with Herakles or Perseys or Kastor and Polydeykes, and the other well-bred heroes of Olympos. But I held very wily conversation with Belmarduk the god, gaining certain wisdom which need not be written down here.

But we journeyed on to the court of the gods of Iran, immortals who bear the strangest of names, such as Ormuzd whom we Argives call ΦΩϹ or Light, and Ashem or ΑΛΗΘΕΙΑ meaning Truth, and Vohu Mano or ΕΥΝΟΙΑ meaning Good Sense, and Khshathrem or ΕΥΝΟΜΙΑ meaning Power, and Armaiti or ϹΟΦΙΑ meaning Obedience and Haurvatat or ΠΛΟΥΤΟϹ meaning Perfection. But chiefly was the mind in my dear breast exalted with pure joy when I came, radiant in my moonlike sheen, into the presence of Great Mithra. For the unconquered god of the Iranian sun looked upon me so earnestly, with wise young eyes of such transcendent candour, that I was moved to know as much as possible from him. Wherefore, I gave him the Sign of the Father of Warriors. Instantly he replied, signing me with the Sign of the Father of Bulls. I gave him the Sign of the Father of Lions; and he signed me with the Sign of the Father of Vultures. I gave him the Sign of the Father of Ostriches; and he signed me with the Sign of the Father of Ravens. I gave him the Sign of the Father of Gryphons; and he signed me with the Sign of the Father of Perses. I gave him the Sign of the Father of Suns; and he signed me with the Sign of Father of Eagles. I gave him the Sign of Father of Falcons; and he signed me with the Sign of Father of Fathers which is the summit of the twelve. But, because I was ware that I had come upon my master, I made myself obedient, gaining such wisdom as is not lawful to be written, nor even to be uttered, on account of a religious reason.

But we journeyed on to the court of Benares; and, having shewn my charters, we departed as speedily as possible. For it would have been a shameful deed, to have exposed Queen Helen to the evil communications of a horde of riotous brutes, apes, reptiles, abortions, frightful malformations, greasy with rancid butter, dripping with fresh blood and mildewed with stale, interminably-headed illimitably-armed innumerably-nippled smirking bestialities, at whose amorous activities even Olympians were wont to say Phy. For which cause, we just went to Benares, and we just came from Benares.

But we journeyed on to the mountain of Sinai. There, at its foot, we stood silently, during the space of a night and a day and a night, revering unmentioned and unthought-of mystery.

But we journeyed on to the court of the gods of Khem. And Mother Isis being amazed to greet one of her priests and a master of masters of magic in one who had risen to the rank of a hero and immortal of Olympos, of her own free will released me from the oath which I swore to her before Amenemhat the priest of Tanis: for (as she said) it seemed that the Supreme had dispositions regarding me otherwhere. And Ptah the Pain-lessener explained why he neglected my torments in the ordeal of the scorching staff: saying that there was a law in Khem, made by Ra himself, which ordained that no alleviation of pain should be due to a mage who, willingly, should accept the ordeals of wisdom’s way. To whom I answered wilily (reserving a private opinion of my own); and I said that the laws of the master were good in the eyes of the servant, and that this law was particularly to be praised: for, had I been rendered able to hold the scorching staff, I should not have fallen backward through the rolling wheels of time, regaining Golden Helen, the Treasure of Hades, nor Love, the Crown of all Wisdom. Which answer was greatly admired. And so, for a little space, we dwelled with the well-mannered gods of Khem, amid the groves and fountains of Duät, hunting with holy cats and kittens by night on the banks of the Nile, and by day among the dark hills of Amentet. Moreover, having withdrawn our shapes from the gaze of mortals we visited the temple at Tanis, where, formerly, I had done many wily deeds. But my friend Amenemhat had submitted himself to white Death; and I saw his form at Philai, conveniently mummied in the manner which I myself had invented. For the eyes of immortals, peers of Pan, obey their particular desires, seeing (at will) through stone or wood or any other substance, excepting the substances whose names and virtues and properties are known only to masters who have the proper spells for using them. But I obtained as a sweet guest-gift from the gods of Khem, that they would deal kindly with dead Amenemhat (till I myself could provide for him), lightening his dreary lot in tedious Amentet as with frequent cups of cream. And, I must not omit to mention that, while we were still over Egypt, Queen Helen would have me go with her one day to Nilemouth: for, having once innocently slain me there, with the kiss of an immortal goddess given in honourable love to a mortal man, the gentle mind in her fragrant breast persuaded me that she owed me an amend. And there, indeed, having openly kissed me on the lips, she hid her rose-red face on mine while she whispered a secret joy. For I lived again in another.

But we journeyed on to find the court of the gods of the sea-girt island, the kingdom of Victory queen of the stalwart stately Anglicans. And, at length, we found, indeed, the sea-girt island: but there were no Anglicans, nor venerable Victory the queen, nor any gods at all. Instead, we saw the place to be infested with a rabble of pygmies, some black-hairy, others sandy-hairy, all cannibals, obscenely naked, painted blue, inarticulately howling, whose hag-toothed breastless females mutilated their innumerable slain abominably. Moreover, they were worshipping very bad devils, dwarves, giants, furies, hobgoblins, and other dubious monsters, with hekatombs of idiot boys and girls, bandy-legged, hairy, knock-kneed, stunted, scraggy, whose throats they tore with sharp stones, stretching them out stark on cyclopean boulders, or else with twisted-ozier baskets of human shape, fifty cubits high, which they stuffed full of babies and enemies, burning them alive with fire, to the music of screeching. From which horrors we flew away with Love, having laid hideous inchantments on those barbarians in relief of the earth which sustained them.⁠[62]

But we journeyed on to the court of the gods of Scandinavia. For I was very desirous of seeing Baldur the Beautiful, and of lifting the hammer of their Thor; and my desire was not ungratified. Baldur, indeed, was a comely youth in a crude gaunt-boned pink-fleshy way, such as I have seen a many of among the Argives: but he could not be named with Hermes of the golden wand, or with any of the olympian immortals, lacking the effulgent limpidity and transcendent agility of mind without which a fair body and sprightly limbs are merely dull and devoid of spiritual quality. And, as for the so-called ponderous hammer of Thor, it was as a feather in the wily knack-knowing hands of the man who had burst the fetters of Hades. But the other gods and goddesses of Scandinavia offered us a disgusting banquet of fishes and bones of beeves half-charred, half-raw, whereon they themselves browsed, gnawing interminably, and washing down the gobbets with bucketfuls of fiery potions, wherewith (anon) they drowned themselves in drunkenness, stertorously dropping on sleep in the slime where they fell. For which cause we left them while the night was dark.

But we journeyed on to the court of the gods of Rome, where Great Zeys maintained Nestor of Gerenia, lord of chariots, that very wise and ancient hero, as his embassador. And, in the vast palace of Capitoline Juppiter was the abode of the Olympian embassage, where, for a time, I dwelled with Queen Helen, being Nestor’s guests. But it seemed that nothing could stay the division of counsels among the immortals any longer. For the Latin gods, implacable, boundless in audacity, persisted in claiming the sacrifices of all pious persons who dwell on the wide-bosomed earth: nor would they listen to most interesting conversations, being tribeless lawless homeless fanulloni, disguised in the shape of their betters, having not the most rudimentary notion of the difference between meum and tuum, and loving nothing better than strife. And day by day they inflated themselves to bursting with overweening fury, desiring to obtain a monopoly, spurning the just and moderate claim for supremacy by prescriptive right made by Olympian Zeys. Yet knightly Nestor, pleasant of speech, the clear-voiced orator of the Pylians, from whose tongue flowed discourses sweeter than honey, bravely strove to find some ground of agreement. For he still hoped that his conversations would avert war.

And, being over Rome, it seemed to me fitting that I should pass certain words with that blameless senator whom I once had seen at Tanis. Him, indeed, I found (by certain simple magic) to be called Gajus Gargilius Gnipho;⁠[63] and to him I addressed myself without delay, entering his palace on a moonbeam, at midnight, radiant in my silver splendour, in stature and in aspect very much more than mortal. For the fellow had comported himself rather too superciliously, when he saw me as a stranger in the land of Khem and not very flourishing of appearance. But, when he saw me in Rome, he fell flat before me, quaking with terror, babbling obsequious deprecations with a rust-hot tongue. But I, having twitted him with his former blindness to my divinity, so severely that he wished himself unborn, gave him sundry comfortable words: whereat, of his own free will, he vowed a blooming shrine to me at his villa near Caere, with a flamen and two casmilli of free birth, and a weekly sacrifice of two white sea-gulls and a crab, as long as the world should endure men. For thus anxious are rich mortals to purchase the inattention of the immortals.

And, by chance, one day, it happened that, when I returned from going to and fro, alone and unseen, among mortals in the city, hearing the speech of men, on entering the palace I found old Nestor lying stunned in my antechamber. And, instantly, terrible Fear invaded the mind in my breast on account of Golden Helen.

But, rushing forward, inflaming myself by the way, I found her in her chamber, gagged with a silken cincture, and struggling in the arms of truculent Mars. Him, indeed, I dragged about the room, as one drags an impatient bullock from the altar before his bloody turn, twisting him; and I dashed the blameless god to the floor with not-innocuous concussion. But, having released my faithful wife, I bade her to go to Nestor in his need, and to heal his ill: for she herself was unharmed, excepting for certain bruises of her lily-like skin which she took from the grip of the ruffian. And, for these, I made him pay a just price. First, indeed, he rose from the floor, black in the face with rage. But I cursed him thereto in good and concise Latin, while he stood all amazed, being too stupid to think of me as aught but an Olympian speaking the limpid language of gods and Argives. And I rejoiced in my lordly mind, at my faculty of venomously-scathing invective, when I saw how I could exasperate him with my tongue. For the language of immortals is voluble, and the discourses in it are numerous and varied; and vast is the distribution of words here and there. Moreover, whatsoever word one shall speak, such also shall one hear; and, whatsoever deed one shall do to another shall be repeated with interest upon oneself. But, when my lickerish swashbuckler had winced sufficiently, we took to our swords. Now Mars was a war-god whose habit was to supervise slaughter from his cloudy citadel, descending to massacre fugitives, and to glut himself with human gore: but he personally was no more than a slow and clumsy warrior, able (certainly) to overcome mortals by sheer weight, but no match whatever for an immortal hero skilled in wiles and expert in all the arts of war. Wherefore, having dug him well in head and foot, I began to beat him, abominably bruising his paps. But he bellowed with pain; and fought wildly, exposing his tender places so that I carved him at my pleasure. And, when, hacked to shreds, he was ready to fall apart, he took a great toss from me, hideous in immensity, being pitched from the window of the palace into the city beneath. But his atoms fell sprawling in the forecourt of his own temple, crushing the Flamen Martialis as flat as a corn-cake. But the Romans took it for a portent; and were filled with forebodings of evil.

Then, Queen Helen begged me to bear her away from the sullen court of the blameless Latin divinities, returning to the peak of Olympos, where the star-crowned Twins would guard her honour during my absence, if absent I was obliged to be. Even wise old Nestor agreed that conversations must end here, and war begin.

But, first, I demanded audience of Juppiter Stator (the most righteous of gods): whom I told of the crime of his son, and the penalty paid, demanding also the usual compensations. Whereat the blooming pretender was very angry, and made a menacing pass at me with his thunder. But, him, indeed, I mocked most shockingly, flinging at his feet a bunch of fat fingers hewed off blameless Mars, and giving him warning, on the part of all the immortals of Olympos, to prepare for war. But he, too late, cowered, and was for offering satisfaction, saying that he would make an agreement concerning the heavenly dispute, desiring not the enmity but the friendship of us Olympians.

Whom I superbly answered, saying: “Talk now no more of agreements, O thrice-and-four-times accused pretender and new god. For, as there are not faithful leagues between lions and men, neither have lambs and wolves an according mind, but ever meditate evils each against other, so it is impossible for us and you to contract a friendship. Long, indeed, have we striven to treat your pretensions leniently, in accordance with reason: but ye have presumed on our forbearance, mistaking our gentleness for weakness, and crowning your bloody folly with a crime, an outrage wrought by a dastard on a daughter and on an embassador of the king of gods and men. But now it is time to make an end of you. And I go forthwith to lofty Olympos, to rally against you the hosts of the splendour of Zeys.”

Thus I spoke; and having by magic called my silver-shining chariot, I led to it Queen Helen, and Nestor the Argive, who was not to be left to the mercy of Juppiter Stator; and, when they had mounted to their places, I placed on the floor the sword of atrocious Mars, intending to take it as a trophy and a perpetual memorial. But I, also, was about to ascend beside them, when there came heavily prancing certain blameless divine ones, squalid of demeanour and agitated of aspect, offering gifts on the part of the Capitoline god, and begging for a little respite. And I, having relieved my blooming mind by speaking fierce opinions to them, and being not at all times implacable but rather inclined to urbanity, actually did delay for an instant, revolving the whole matter in my mind, and waiting to hear what might be proposed. But, even while I tarried thus, my godly eyes clearly saw revengeful Bellona, sister and pander of Mars, beginning to harness the hounds of war to her chariot round the corner.

Then, indeed, I turned upon thievish Mercury the messenger, an ape-like imitator of my wing-footed grandsire, saying: “Return, O messenger, to Capitoline Juppiter, to whom do thou tell all things openly as I charge thee: so that all the gods of all the wide-rolling heavens also may be indignant, even if he (clad in impudence) still dares to deceive any of the immortals. Let him not (doglike as he is and not godlike) ever hope to look in my face again as an equal. I neither will join in counsel nor in action with him: for having already offended me, now he will try to deceive me. He shall not again over-reach me with lying words. Enough for him once to do so. But let him perish in quiet: for Great Zeys, no doubt, has deprived him of reason. Hateful to me are his gifts, and himself I value not a hair.”

Thus I spoke: but my heart and noble mind were delighted in my breast. And, having ascended my silver-shining chariot, Queen Helen pulled the chain; and faithful Love flew away with us as swiftly as a bird or a thought. But my great black bow began to sing very gloriously of war, as we left the Super-Capitol, making bright the eyes, hardening the body, and kindling flames within the mind: for fierce-hearted Bellona pursued us, over the breadth of Apulia to the unvintaged sea. But being loathe to fight with a bloody female and (moreover) a blameless Latin one armed with a bow which to mine was but as a toy, I loosed my death-bringing shafts backward against the hackles of her blooming war-hounds, throwing them into confusion. And she, cursing obscenely, turned, retracing her difficult way.

In this manner I did deeds, wily, and also audacious, visiting the courts of strange gods who bear rule over barbarians.

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