CHAP. VIII. The reception Mrs. Clotilda Skinflint met with in the prison, together with that of her adventurous loving spouse.

The turnkey no sooner had admitted Mrs. Clotilda, and her paramour, than the knowing ones resolved themselves into a committee of the whole house, how to consider ways and means to make Mrs. Clotilda pay through the nose for introducing such an affair to their august tribunal; the Diet had not sat full two minutes, before they all nem. con. entered into one unanimous resolution to bring the taylor her lawful and wedded husband into a præmunire; they therefore set up a kind of a Star-Chamber, which they erected, by their own will and power, as Charles did formerly and as Lewis pretends to do now, with this Motto, Sic volo sic jubeo. In English, I’ll do as I please; so laying aside all privileges of the subject, and assuming to themselves, the royal prerogative, which they swore should not be infringed; they demanded that the bodies of Clotilda Skinflint late of Monmouth-Street, together with that of her lawful sovereign, Peter Skinflint, of the Parish of St. Bride’s, taylor, should be brought before them, in order to enter into the merits or demerits of the prisoner Tom, committed into that prison, by the name of Tom Filch, and moreover to demand the committal in writing; which being accordingly done, by the especial messengers, the delinquents were regularly brought to the bar of this solemn inquisition.

We shall disappoint the reader’s curiosity, if he expects a summary detail of this process, because it was carried regularly through the forms of cital, and recital, demur, and every other circumstantial querk of judicatory; only observing, that when Mrs. Clotilda, and her party, seeing the Servant Maid, with Tom in her arms, did not chuse to traverse the Indictment but submitted to the sentence of the court, which was, that she, the said, Clotilda as she wore the breeches, should immediately pay all the fees of Tom, besides, his expences for false imprisonment, pay the servant maid her due wages, and never more trouble the court, to which she submitted, and paid no less than the sum of seventeen shillings, and four-pence, to the clerk of the court, exclusive of the girl’s wages, in all amounting to one pound thirteen shillings. But unhappily for Mrs. Clotilda, the affair did not end here. Tom the Cat, had got little or no victuals, since the moment of his false imprisonment, and besides, it was urged by the girl, that the beef-stakes, which he had eaten, were long since digested; therefore it was unâ voce resolved, that they should not be discharged till Tom had also been recompensed with a good meal, in consideration of his long and false imprisonment. Mrs. Clotilda therefore offered one shilling more, to be laid out, as they, the court should determine, which was accordingly, like all other subsidies of charitable uses, appointed for Tom’s use, and bread, and cheese was to be his supper, of which he only shared the parings. The lady of the wardrobe having paid down her one pound fourteen shillings, thought that she had paid sufficiently for the releasement of her favourite Tom, who in the main had not got one half-penny worth of eating in the bargain, and as historians say, could never account from that time to this, for all this unnecessary expence, and as fruitless confinement; I say, madam Skinflint imagined that the business would end here; but the court thought otherwise, and therefore as the parings of cheese were by that wise Diet, thought to be a diet, which might very probably occasion thirst, they also adjudged that Tom should have something to wash down his victuals, and the verdict in his favour, was that she should pay one shilling, over and above all costs and damages for that balsamic liquor, vulgarly called Gin: Which Mrs. Clotilda, being addicted to, did not so much regret the payment of, and it was, without hesitation brought in; but we never were informed that Tom shared a drop of it, as it is averred, and that strongly, that a little water was more consentaneous to his choice, of which, when he had drank, like any other good fellow, not considering his present misfortunes, the good-nature of his friends, or the malice of his enemies, he leaped on the table, washed his face, and began a very solemn purr, which pleased the whole company, and forced even the humane Mrs. Clotilda to break out—Poor Tom have I got you again? Gentlemen did you ever see so fine a creature? Thus ended the imprisonment, and release of Tom, with which we shall beg leave to end this chapter, as Mrs. Clotilda her husband, and the maid-servant were also included in the discharge, all departing the prison-scene, and going to their respective pillows.