CHAP. VII. A curious conference between some of the most eminent personages of the prison, during Tom’s confinement. In which Tom Traveller relates part of his own life and adventures.

It has been a usual, and a wise method too let me tell you, with all Biographers to relax the reader’s mind with somewhat episodical in imitation of Homer and Virgil in their Epics, who introduce several respectable persons into the drama, beside Achilles, and Æneas, so have we thought that we should oblige our readers, who would in return be obliged to us for not cramming them with the single adventures of Tom the Cat only, since we have this fair opportunity of opening a fine prison-scene to his view, and entertaining him with the most curious adventures, and interesting incidents of Tom the Traveller, extracted from no book, or books in the world, as his surprizing memoirs are no where to be found but in this true history, and if any of our readers should be so incredulous as to doubt the veracity of these anecdotes, we shall be bold to remind him of the more incredible travels and voyages, which are not half so well authenticated, though passed upon the world every day, as real and genuine.

While the prisoners were regaling themselves over what liquor Tom the Cat’s adventure unexpectedly afforded them, Hugh, known by the name of Hugh of the Borough, reminded one of his fellow-prisoners of telling his story, which he was going to begin, when they were interrupted by the introduction of the new prisoner the Cat, for, as he told him, he and the rest had just finished their narratives, and it only remained, for him to go on with his; in compliance therefore of this reasonable demand: Tom Traveller, so he was called, commenced his history in the following procedure.

The LIFE of Tom Traveller.

As I was begot, conceived and born in a most extraordinary manner, so it will appear in the course of my life, that my adventures, even in abstract, as I shall relate them, have been equally amazing. My mother was treacherously deluded by an opiate infused into a glass of wine, when she had the good or ill-fortune (I know not which) of being debauched in her sleep by her master, the husband of a woman of quality with whom she lived; I was the result of this piece of treachery; nor did my mother give the least intimations of her discovering this foul practice, though she on awaking, could not but perceive the alteration from that of a maid, to that of a woman. When she had got rid of me in the most private manner, (for she left her lady, when the signs of pregnancy appeared) she took me wrapt up in a basket, and going to a publick house in Piccadilly, she called for a gill of wine, drank it, and leaving a guinea to be changed, she went out and was seen no more, but she left me in her stead, thinking me and the guinea, a tolerable bargain for a gill of wine, nor had I remained there long, before I made my host of the tavern, sensible, that he had got a new guest; as I was a fine boy, and he had no child, he put me out to nurse, resolving to adopt me as his own, since I was a comeby-chance, and since he thought it cruel not to give the same reception to a human creature, as is given commonly to a Cat or a Dog, and tho’ I did not come of my own accord, like a Cat, or a Dog, yet was I brought, and could not be supposed to intrude myself, as those creatures do, when they have lost their masters, so he thought me more worthy of a welcome, than either of the above animals. When I was five years old, I was brought home by the nurse, and as they saw I was a promising child of my age, being as lusty and tall, as the waiter, who was twelve, but born a dwarf, I was soon fit to be called to the bar, I improved myself in observations on men, and manners, which I made my study, till about eighteen, I became one of the knowing ones, when I left my supposed father, to join a set of gamblers, where I learnt every thing to qualify me for Bath, the races, or even Ar——r’s. I resolved to leave this life, took the high-road, and bought a fine horse at Newmarket with what money I had won there by betting and cheating, having at one bett won a hundred guineas of the D—— of ——, as I was let into the secret by the riding jocky, who went halves with me for his information. Having equipt myself with every thing necessary for collecting, or raising contributions on the road, I met with none who dared oppose me; I robbed three captains of ships, one admiral, two lieutenants of marines, beside what I robbed in common; when I found that all men were naturally cowards, and consequently to be robbed, without resistance, I grew more bold; but what gave me courage but their cowardice, for had they, as they said, strenuously opposed, ’tis ten to one, as I opposed numbers, I should have grown timid, and submitted; but I found it otherwise, and from the discovery, met with success; I then ventured upon the continental gentlemen; but them I found worse in the article of courage, than the maritime; a lieutenant crossed me, and I thought verily, he had the same intent on me, that I had on him; I put my hand to the holsters, and stood bravely for him, but he with as much intrepidity delivered me his purse, before I had actually demanded it: Actuated by this hero’s valour, I persuaded myself that all men were cowards, and, I consequently determined to frighten them all, since I found, they were to be frightened. Here the narrative was interrupted by a loud report of six or seven female Voices, that Mrs. Clotilda Skinflint, together with her Bravo, the old husband had entered the goal, to demand the body of Tom, to be re-delivered to them, upon which re-delivery, she was willing to pay all costs and damages, which by this time amounted to no less than three shillings, exclusive of garnish. And so ends this chapter, when the affairs of Tom the Cat, shall seem more desirable by the reader, than those of Tom the Traveller.