ABOUT MONEY.
Reading edition
THE world is divided into two kinds of human beings—those that have money and those that have none. But the latter are not human beings at all—they are either devils, viz., poor devils; or angels, viz., angels of patience and renunciation.
Without money, without teeth, and without a wife we come into this world; and without money, without teeth, and without a wife we go out of this world. What then have we accomplished in the world? We have made money, cut teeth, and taken unto ourselves wives! A glorious destiny! There are fevers, pains, convulsions, and sufferings of all kinds attendant upon the getting of teeth and wives, and when one has them they hurt the whole year round, and often the best one can do is to have them extracted. Teeth and wives come to you without your doing, and unless most carefully treated they are liable to decay. But money does not come without your doing, and often a man leaves this world without having had money. It would be interesting to hear the reply of such a person when asked on the other side, “What did you do in the world?”
Who has money? The rich people! That is a misfortune! If the poor people only had money then we should see what poor devils these rich fellows are! It is no art to be rich when one has much money, and it is no merit to be poor when one has none.
What is money? Money is a goodly lump which the Lord God attaches to insignificant people, so as not to lose sight of them in his creation, as a good housekeeper puts a big label on a little key.
What is money? Money is a figure which gains in importance as there is a cipher attached to it.
What is money? Money is a metal heel under the boots of little people to make them appear as tall as others.
What is money? Money is an indemnity which God gives to a certain number of persons on condition that they will not make bold to acquire any such goods as Intellect or Genius.
What is money? Money is the accent grave upon a letter which would else be silent.
What is money? Money is the mysterious essence of a being which defines its ego in the following words:—“If I were not what I have, I should not have what I am.”
But what is no money? No money? No money?
No money is a thing of which all empty pockets are full.
No money is the alibi of a being which should testify to our presence in this world.
No money is a disease aggravated by the continuous obstruction of Fortune.
No money is a gentle invitation of nature to incur debts, and a peremptory command not to pay them.
No money is an irresistible inclination to melancholy on the part of our purse caused by hopeless love to an unattainable object.
No money is an exposition of no money at all, a proposition in abstract philosophy, a fit position for a minister of finance, and a happy disposition for platonic love.
No money is a vulgar ballad which common people sing aloud on the streets, but the more refined only hum between their lips within doors.
No money is the watchword of extreme radicalism and the art of making oneself popular at a low price.
Alas, what is man without money? A twice-told anecdote, a song without a tune, a lost poodle-dog without an honest finder, last year’s calendar, etc., etc.
Without money no prince can reign, no minister can minister, no general can make war, no painter can paint, no farmer can till the field; only the bards and poets sing and make verses without money; the poet is true to his muse even though he has no money; indeed he muses more than ever—how to get some.
M. G. Saphir (1795-1858).