Book 2 — THE PAINS OF SLEEP[389:1]
Reading edition
THE PAINS OF SLEEP[389:1]
Ere on my bed my limbs I lay, It hath not been my use to pray With moving lips or bended knees; But silently, by slow degrees, My spirit I to Love compose, 5 In humble trust mine eye-lids close, With reverential resignation, No wish conceived, no thought exprest, Only a sense of supplication; A sense o'er all my soul imprest 10 That I am weak, yet not unblest, Since in me, round me, every where Eternal Strength and Wisdom are. But yester-night I prayed aloud In anguish and in agony, 15 Up-starting from the fiendish crowd Of shapes and thoughts that tortured me: A lurid light, a trampling throng, Sense of intolerable wrong, And whom I scorned, those only strong! 20 [390]Thirst of revenge, the powerless will Still baffled, and yet burning still! Desire with loathing strangely mixed On wild or hateful objects fixed. Fantastic passions! maddening brawl! 25 And shame and terror over all! Deeds to be hid which were not hid, Which all confused I could not know Whether I suffered, or I did: For all seemed guilt, remorse or woe, 30 My own or others still the same Life-stifling fear, soul-stifling shame. So two nights passed: the night's dismay Saddened and stunned the coming day. Sleep, the wide blessing, seemed to me 35 Distemper's worst calamity. The third night, when my own loud scream Had waked me from the fiendish dream, O'ercome with sufferings strange and wild, I wept as I had been a child; 40 And having thus by tears subdued My anguish to a milder mood, Such punishments, I said, were due To natures deepliest stained with sin,— For aye entempesting anew 45 The unfathomable hell within, The horror of their deeds to view, To know and loathe, yet wish and do! [391]Such griefs with such men well agree, But wherefore, wherefore fall on me? 50 To be beloved is all I need, And whom I love, I love indeed.
1803.
FOOTNOTES:
LINENOTES:
[
1
]
Ere] When MS. Letter to Southey, Sept. 11, 1803.
[
9
]
sense] sense MS. Letter to Southey, 1816, 1828, 1829.
[
10
]
sense] sense MS. Letter to Southey.
[
12
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Since round me, in me, everywhere MS. Letter to Southey.
[
13
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Wisdom] Goodness MS. Letter to Southey.
[
16
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Up-starting] Awaking MS. Letter to Southey.
Between 18-26
Desire with loathing strangely mixt, On wild or hateful objects fixt. Sense of revenge, the powerless will, Still baffled and consuming still; Sense of intolerable wrong, And men whom I despis'd made strong! Vain-glorious threats, unmanly vaunting, Bad men my boasts and fury taunting: Rage, sensual passion, mad'ning Brawl,
MS. Letter to Southey.
[
18
]
trampling] ghastly MS. Letter to Poole, Oct. 3, 1803.
[
19
]
intolerable] insufferable MS. Letter to Poole.
[
20
]
those] they MS. Letter to Poole.
Between 22-4
Tempestuous pride, vain-glorious vaunting Base men my vices justly taunting
MS. Letter to Poole.
[
27
]
which] that MS. Letters to Southey and Poole.
[
28
]
could] might MS. Letters to Southey and Poole.
[
30
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For all was Horror, Guilt, and Woe MS. Letter to Southey: For all was Guilt, and Shame, and Woe MS. Letter to Poole.
[
33
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So] Thus MS. Letter to Southey.
[
34
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coming] boding MS. Letter to Southey.
[
35-6
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I fear'd to sleep: sleep seem'd to be Disease's worst malignity
MS. Letter to Southey.
[
38
]
waked] freed MS. Letter to Southey.
[
39
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O'ercome by sufferings dark and wild MS. Letter to Southey.
[
42
]
anguish] Trouble MS. Letter to Southey.
[
43
]
said] thought MS. Letter to Southey.
[
45-6
]
Still to be stirring up anew The self-created Hell within
MS. Letter to Southey.
[
47
]
their deeds] the crimes MS. Letter to Southey.
[
48
]
and] to MS. Letter to Southey.
Between 48-51
With such let fiends make mockery— But I—Oh, wherefore this on me? Frail is my soul, yea, strengthless wholly, Unequal, restless, melancholy. But free from Hate and sensual Folly.
MS. Letter to Southey.
[
51
]
be] live MS. Letter to Southey.
After 52 And etc., etc., etc., etc. MS. Letter to Southey.