Act 1 — ACT I
Reading edition
PRESIDENT (solus):
There!—’tis to be a lock canal. Now let The dirt fly. [Enter Shonts.]
SHONTS:
Very well, sir, don’t you fret; It will, right speedily, I’m sure. But I— I’m getting out of this concern. I fly! [Exit Shonts.]
PRESIDENT:
Now let the heathen rage: their pet sea-level Canal has gone a-glimmering to the devil. [Enter Loeb with a card.] What’s this? “The Adversary.” Just my luck— Without a rake I get all kinds of muck. Always that Democrat appears if I But mention him—I really wonder why. Of one too many he’s the one. Go say (sighing) That I’ll not see him—I’ve seen Shonts to-day.
LOEB:
The gentleman is in the waiting room. I think he wants to talk about your “boom.”
PRESIDENT:
Wants an appointment in my Cabinet, And there’s no vacancy.
LOEB:
O you forget— There’s Hitchcock. [Enter Adversary.]
PRESIDENT:
Ah, good morning, sir. Delighted! (aside) The fellow never waits till he’s invited.
ADVERSARY:
Sir, we have overlooked the unwritten law Forbidding a third term. You must withdraw.
PRESIDENT (aside):
Come to torment me! How this horrid shape, Grinning behind his hand like any ape, Maddens to candor. (Aloud) Brute! you might delay Your triumph until I have had my day And nations weep, in slow procession walking——
ADVERSARY:
For him who dug the great canal by talking! ’Twere long to wait unless your tongue were made By miracle divine into a spade.
PRESIDENT:
Take that, you beast! [Beats him and chases him off the stage, losing his temper in the scuffle.]
LOEB (solus):
The rogues fall out—sic semper. As honest man, I will annex his temper. [Puts President’s temper under his coat and exit.]