Volume 5 — THE TAILOR AND THE LADY AND THE CAPTAIN.[364]

THE TAILOR AND THE LADY AND THE CAPTAIN.^[364]

263It is related that a Tailor was sitting in his shop facing a tall house tenanted by a Yúzbáshi, and this man had a wife who was unique for beauty and loveliness. Now one day of the days as she looked out at the latticed window the Snip espied her and was distraught by her comeliness and seemlihead. So he became engrossed by love of her and remained all day a-gazing at the casement disturbed and perturbed, and as often as she approached the window and peered out therefrom, he would stare at her and say to her, “O my lady and O core of my heart, good morning to thee; and do thou have mercy upon one sore affected by his affection to thee; one whose eyes sleep not by night for thy fair sake.” “This pimp be Jinn-mad!” quoth the Captain’s wife, “and as often as I look out at the window he dareth bespeak me: haply the folk shall say:—Indeed she must needs be his mistress.” But the Tailor persevered in this proceeding for a while of days until the lady was offended thereby and said in her mind, “Walláhi, there is no help but that I devise for him a device which shall make unlawful to him this his staring and casting sheep’s eyes at my casement; nay more, I will work for ousting him from his shop.” So one day of the days when the Yuzbashi went from home, his wife arose and adorned and beautified herself, and donning the bestest of what dresses and decorations she had, despatched one of her slave-girls to the Tailor instructing her to say to him:—“My lady salameth to thee and biddeth thee come and drink coffee with her.” The handmaiden went to his shop and 264delivered the message; and he, when hearing these words,^[365] waxed bewildered of wits and rose up quivering in his clothes;——And Shahrazad was surprised by the dawn of day and fell silent and ceased to say her permitted say. Then quoth her sister Dunyazad, “How sweet is thy story, O sister mine, and how enjoyable and delectable!” Quoth she, “And where is this compared with that I would relate to you on the coming night an the King suffer me to survive?” Now when it was the next night and that was

The Seven Hundred and Forty-third Night,

Dunyazad said to her, “Allah upon thee, O my sister, an thou be other than sleepy, finish for us thy tale that we may cut short the watching of this our latter night!” She replied:——With love and good will! It hath reached me, O auspicious King, the director, the right-guiding, lord of the rede which is benefiting and of deeds fair-seeming and worthy celebrating, that when the Tailor heard the girl’s words, he quivered in his clothes; but indeed he recked not aught of the wiles of womankind. So after padlocking his shop he went with her to the house and walked upstairs, where he was met by the lady with a face like the rondure of the moon and she greeted him right merrily, and taking him by the hand led him to a well-mattressed Divan and bade her slave-girl serve him with coffee, and as he drank it she sat facing him. Presently the twain fell to conversing, she and he; and she soothed him with sweet speech, whilst he went clean out of his mind for the excess of her beauty and loveliness. This lasted until near midday, when she bade serve the dinner-trays, and took seat in front of him, and he began picking up morsels^[366] designed for his lips and teeth, but in lieu thereof thrust them into his eye. She 265laughed at him, but hardly had he swallowed the second mouthful and the third when behold, the door was knocked, whereupon she looked out from the casement and cried, “Oh my honour! this is my husband.” Hereat the man’s hands and knees began to quake, and he said to her, “Whither shall I wend?” Said she, “Go into this closet,” and forthright she thrust him into a cabinet and shot the bolt upon him and taking the key she tare out one of its teeth^[367] and put it in her pocket. After this she went down and opened the door to her husband who walked upstairs; and finding the dinner trays bespread, asked her, “What is this?” She answered, “I and my lover have been dining together.” “And what may be thy lover?” “Here he is.”^[368] “Where may he be?” to which she replied, “He is inside this closet.” Now as soon as the Tailor heard her say this say, he piddled in his bag-breeches and befouled himself and he was in a filthy state with skite and piss.^[369] Hereupon the Captain asked, “And where’s the key?” and she answered, “Here it is with me.”^[370] “Bring it out,” said he, so she pulled it from her pocket and handed it to him. The Captain took the key from his spouse and applying it to the wooden bolt of the cabinet rattled it to and fro^[371] but it would not open; so the wife came up to him and cried, “Allah upon thee, O my lord, what wilt thou do with my playmate?” Said 266he, “I will slay him!” and said she, “No, ’tis my opinion that thou hadst better pinion him and bind him as if crucified to the pillar in the court floor and then smite him with thy sword upon the neck and cut off his head; for I, during my born days, never saw a criminal put to death and now ’tis my desire to sight one done to die.” “Sooth is thy speech,” quoth he: so he took the key and fitting it into the wooden bolt would have drawn it back, but it could not move because a tooth had been drawn therefrom and the while he was rattling at the bolt his wife said to him, “O my lord, ’tis my desire that thou lop off his hands and his feet until he shall become marked by his maims;^[372] and after do thou smite his neck.” “A sensible speech,” cried the husband and during the whole time her mate was striving to pull the bolt she kept saying to him, “Do this and do that with the fellow,” and he ceased not saying to her, “’Tis well.” All this and the Tailor sat hearkening to their words and melting in his skin; but at last the wife burst out laughing until she fell upon her back and her husband asked her, “Whereat this merriment?” Answered she, “I make mock of thee for that thou art wanting in wits and wisdom.” Quoth he, “Wherefore?” and quoth she, “O my lord, had I a lover and had he been with me should I have told aught of him to thee? Nay; I said in my mind:—Do such and such with the Captain and let’s see whether he will believe or disbelieve. Now when I spake thou didst credit me and it became apparent to me that thou art wanting in wits.” Cried he to her, “Allah disappoint thee! Dost thou make jibe and jape of me? I also said in my thoughts:—How can a man be with her and she speak of him in the face of me?” So he arose and took seat with her, the twain close together, at the dinner-tray and she fell to morselling him and he to morselling her, and they laughed and ate until they had their sufficiency and were filled; then they washed their 267hands and drank coffee. After this they were cheered and they toyed together and played the two-backed beast until their pleasure was fulfilled and this was about mid-afternoon——And Shahrazad was surprised by the dawn of day and fell silent and ceased saying her permitted say. Then quoth her sister Dunyazad, “How sweet and tasteful is thy tale, O sister mine, and how enjoyable and delectable!” Quoth she, “And where is this compared with that I would relate to you on the coming night an the Sovran suffer me to survive?” Now when it was the next night, and that was

The Seven Hundred and Forty-fifth Night,

Dunyazad said to her, “Allah upon thee, O my sister, an thou be other than sleepy, finish for us thy tale, that we may cut short the watching of this our latter night!” She replied:——With love and good will! It hath reached me, O auspicious King, the director, the right-guiding, lord of the rede which is benefiting and of deeds fair-seeming and worthy celebrating, that the Yuzbashi fell to toying with his wife, and thrusting and foining at her cleft^[373], her solution of continuity, and she wriggled to and fro to him, and bucked up and down, after which he tumbled her and both were in gloria.^[374] This lasted until near mid-afternoon when he arose 268and went forth to the Hammam. But as soon as he left the house she opened the cabinet and brought out the Tailor, saying, “Hast thou seen what awaiteth thee, O pander, O impure? Now, by Allah, an thou continue staring at the windows or durst bespeak me with one single word it shall be the death of thee. This time I have set thee free, but a second time I will work to the wasting of thy heart’s blood.” Cried he, “I will do so no more; no, never!” Thereupon said she to her slave-girl, “O handmaid, open to him the door;” and she did so, and he fared forth (and he foully bewrayed as to his nether garments) until he had returned to his shop. Now when the Emir heard the tale of the Kazi, he rejoiced thereat and said to him, “Up and gang thy gait!” so the Judge went off garbed in his gaberdine and bonnet. Then said the house-master to his wife, “This be one of the four, where’s Number Two?” Hereat 269she arose and opened the closet in which was the Gentleman and led him out by the hand till he stood before her husband, who looked hard at him and was certified of him and recognised him as the Shâhbandar; so he said to him, “O Khawájah, when didst thou make thee a droll?”^[375] but the other returned to him neither answer nor address and only bowed his brow groundwards. Quoth the house-master to him, “Dance for us a wee and when thou shalt have danced do thou tell us a tale.” So he fell perforce to clapping his hands and skipping about until he fell down of fatigue when he said, “O my lord, there is with me a rare story, and an exceeding strange if thou of thy grace accord attention to my words.” “Tell on and I will listen to thee,” quoth the other, whereupon said the Gentleman, “’Tis concerning the wiles of womankind,” and fell to relating the adventures of

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