THE UNIVERSAL VENT.
Reading edition
(For Vacuity, Vanity, Verbosity, Virulence, and Venom.)
IF you've been burning the midnight taper, And of new policies deem yourself shaper; If at the world you're a green-gosling gaper, Or of old "Junius," juvenile aper; Bumptious Scotch Duke, or irate Irish Draper, Crammed with conceit, which must publicly caper; Angry old woman, or frivolous japer; Thraso or termagant, Tadpole or Taper, To blow off your steam, or your gas, or your vapour, There's one fool-loved fashion—'tis write to the paper!
"I AM in a state of suspense," said a Clergyman. "I am sorry to hear it," replied his friend. "Why are you suspended?"
PROPER PRIDE.
He. "Wasn't that the Countess of Mohair that just went by? I thought you told me she was a friend of yours!"
She. "Oh, we meet occasionally, and all that,—but I've really been obliged to drop Lady Mohair, I'm sorry to say!"
He. "Dear me,—really! What for?"
She. "Oh, well,—she always deliberately turns her Back on me when I try to speak to her, and looks another way when I bow, or else coolly stares me in the Face and takes no notice whatever,—so now I make a point of Cutting her Dead!"