Courtship of a Vassar Girl.

The parents and the old relatives are chatting over their darling's future. Meanwhile the fiances have escaped into the back parlor.

Virginia—Where are you leading me to, John?

John—I wish to tell you, while others forget us, how happy I am to marry you—you, so winning, so witty, the gem of Vassar College.

Virginia—Oh! how many compliments to a poor graduate who only won the premium of rhetoric, and was second best in geometry.

John—I love you, and worship you just as you are.

V.—Oh, my friend, how anaphorical, and especially how epanaletical.

J.—I don't understand.

V.—I mean that you repeat yourself. It is the custom of lovers to abuse of the gorgiaques figures from the very protasis and exordium.

J.—I love you because you are accomplished and perfect.

V.—Did I not know you, I should think that you favored asteisin and ethossoia.

J. (Somewhat abashed.)—Ah! do you see * * *

V.—Why this aposiopesis?

J.—Aposiopesis!

V.—This reticence?

J.—That is clearer. I acknowledge that the expressions you use annoy and trouble me.

V.—You, on your side, speak a language stamped with schematism, while to be correct, even in making love, your language should be discursive. Allow me to tell you so frankly.

J.—Anyhow, you do not doubt my love?

V.—I pardon this epitrope, but pray use less metaphor and more litotes in the prosopography you dedicate to my modest entity—

J.—What will you? Men love women; I am a man; therefore, I love you.

V.—Your syllogism is perfect in its premises, but the conclusion is false.

J.—Oh! you are a cruel angel!

V.—I like that catachresis, but once again I repeat, I am practical, and prefer synedoche.

J. [Very much perplexed.]—Will you continue the conversation in the garden?

V.—Yes. (They go into the garden.) Look, here is a very lovely parallelogram of green surrounded by petasites. Let us sit under those maritamboues will you?

J.—Willingly! Ah! here I am happy! My heart fills with joy; it seems to me it contains the universe.

V.—You are speaking pure Spinozism.

J.—When I think that you will be my wife, and I your husband! What will be our destiny!

V.—The equation being given you are looking for the unknown quantity. Like you, I shall await the co-efficient.

J. (Who is determined to follow out his own thoughts)—With the world of constellations above us, and nature surrounding us, admire with me those orbs sending us their pure light. Look up there at that star.

V.—It is Allioth, neighbor to the polar star. They are nearing the cosmical moment, and if we remain here a few moments longer the occultation will take place.

J. (Resignedly.)—And there those thousands of stars.

V.—It is the galaxy. Admire also the syzygy of those orbs.

J. (Exhausted.)—And the moon; do you see the moon?

V.—It is at its zenith; it will be at its nadir in fifteen days, unless there are any occultations in the movements of that satellite.

J.—How happy I am!

(They go indoors.)

The owner of a soap factory, who had been complained of for maintaining a nuisance, was terribly put out at the charge and explained to the court: "Your honor, the odors complained of can not exist!" "But here are twenty complaints." "Yes, but I have worked in my factory for the last fifteen years, and I'll take my oath I can not detect any smells." "As a rule, prisoner," replied the judge, as he sharpened his spectacles on his bootleg, "the best noses are on the outside of soap factories. You are fined $25 and costs." Moral: Where a soap factory and a school-house are at loggerheads the school should be removed.

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