Act 2 — Scene ii
Reading edition
Ina seated. Monona jumping on and off the porch, chanting.
[Enter Dwight.]
Dwight
Ah, this is great … no place like home after all, is there?
Ina
Now, Monona, sit down and be quiet. You’ve played enough for one day.
[Enter Mrs. Bett.]
Monona
How do you know I have?
Dwight
Ah, Mama Bett. Coming out to enjoy the evening air?
Mrs. Bett
No, I thank you.
Dwight
Well, well, well, let’s see what’s new in the great press of our country….
[They are now seated in the approximate positions assumed at the opening of Scene i.]
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Ina
Dwight dear, nothing has been done about that screen for the back window.
Dwight
Now why couldn’t my puss have reminded me of that this morning instead of waiting for the only time I have to take my ease with my family.
Ina
But Dwightie, in the mornings you’re so busy⸺
Dwight
You are argumentative, pussy—you certainly are. And you ought to curb it. For that matter I haven’t sprayed that rambler rosebush.
Ina
Every single night for a month you’ve spoken of spraying that rosebush.
Dwight
Ina, will you cease your exaggerations on Monona’s account if not on mine. Exaggeration, my pet, is one of the worst of female faults. Exaggeration⸺
Ina
Look, Dwight! our new neighbors have got a dog. Great big brute of a thing. He’s going to tear up every towel I spread on our grass….
[Enter Di, from the house.]
Now, Di, where are you going?
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Di
Mama, I have to go down to the liberry.
Ina
Now, Di⸺
Di
You let me go last night.
Monona
Mama, I can go, can’t I? Because you wouldn’t let me go last night.
Ina
No, Monona, you may not go.
Monona
Oh, why not?
Ina
Because mama says so. Isn’t that enough?
Mrs. Bett
Anybody’d think you was the king—layin’ down the law an’ layin’ down the law an’ layin’ down⸺Where’s Lulie?
Di
Mama, isn’t Uncle Ninian coming back?
Ina
Hush…. No. Now don’t ask mama any more questions.
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Di
But supposing people ask me. What’ll I say?
Ina
Don’t say anything at all about Aunt Lulu.
Di
But, mama, what has she done?
Ina
Di! Don’t you think mama knows best?
Di
[Softly.]
No, I don’t…. Well anyway Aunt Lulu’s got on a perfectly beautiful dress to-night….
Ina
And you know, Dwight, Lulu’s clothes give me the funniest feeling. As if Lulu was wearing things bought for her by some one that wasn’t—that was⸺
Dwight
By her husband who has left her.
Di
Is that what it is, papa?
Dwight
That’s what it is, my little girl.
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Di
Well, I think it’s a shame. And I think Uncle Ninian is a slunge.
Ina
Di Deacon!
Di
I do! And I’d be ashamed to think anything else. I’d like to tell everybody.
Dwight
There’s no need for secrecy now.
Ina
Dwight, really—do you think we ought⸺
Dwight
No need whatever for secrecy. The truth is Lulu’s husband has tired of her and sent her home. We may as well face it.
Ina
But Dwight—how awful for Lulu….
Dwight
Lulu has us to stand by her.
[Enter Lulu.]
Lulu
That sounds good. That I have you to stand by me.
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Dwight
My dear Lulu, the family bond is the strongest bond in the world. Family. Tribe. The—er—pack. Standing up for the family honor, the family reputation is the highest nobility.
[Exit Di by degrees. Left.]
I tell you of all history the most beautiful product is the family tie. Of it are born family consideration⸺
Ina
Why, you don’t look like yourself … is it your hair, Lulu? You look so strange….
Lulu
Don’t you like it? Ninian liked it.
Dwight
In that case I think you’d show more modesty if you arranged your hair in the old way.
Lulu
Yes, you would think so. Dwight, I want you to give me Ninian’s Oregon address.
Dwight
You want what?
Lulu
Ninian’s Oregon address. It’s a funny thing but I haven’t it.
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Dwight
It would seem that you have no particular need for that particular address.
Lulu
Yes I have. I want it. You have it haven’t you, Dwight?
Dwight
Certainly I have it.
Lulu
Won’t you please write it down for me?
[She offers him tablet.]
Dwight
My dear Lulu, now why revive anything? No good can come by⸺
Lulu
But why shouldn’t I have his address?
Dwight
If everything is over between you why should you?
Lulu
But you say he’s still my husband.
Dwight
If my brother has shown his inclination as plainly as I judge that he has it is certainly not my place to put you in touch with him again.
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Lulu
I don’t know whose place it is. But I’ve got to know more—I’ve got to know more, Dwight. This afternoon I went to the post office to ask for his address—it seemed so strange to be doing that, after all that’s been—They didn’t know his address—I could see how they wondered at my asking. And I knew how the others wondered—Mis’ Martin, Mis’ Curtis, Mis’ Grove. “Where you hiding that handsome husband of yours?” they said. All I could say was that he isn’t here. Dwight! I won’t live like that. I want to know the truth. You give me Ninian’s address.
Dwight
My dear Lulu! My dear Lulu! You are not the one to write to him. Have you no delicacy?
Lulu
So much delicacy that I want to be sure whether I’m married or not.
Dwight
Then I myself will take this up with my brother. I will write to him about it.
Lulu
Here’s everything—if you’re going to write him, do it now.
Dwight
My dear Lulu! don’t be absurd.
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Lulu
Ina! Help me! If this was Dwight—and they didn’t know whether he had another wife or not and you wanted to ask him and you didn’t know where he was—oh, don’t you see? Help me.
Ina
Well of course. I see it all, Lulu. And yet—why not let Dwight do it in his own way? Wouldn’t that be better?
Lulu
Mother!
Mrs. Bett
Lulie. Set down. Set down, why don’t you?
Lulu
Dwight, you write that letter to Ninian. And you make him tell you so that you’ll understand. I know he spoke the truth. But I want you to know.
Dwight
M—m. And then I suppose as soon as you have the proofs you’re going to tell it all over town.
Lulu
I’m going to tell it all over town just as it is—unless you write to him.
Ina
Lulu! Oh, you wouldn’t!
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Lulu
I would. I will.
Dwight
And get turned out of the house as you would be?
Ina
Dwight. Oh, you wouldn’t!
Dwight
I would. I will. Lulu knows it.
Lulu
I shall tell what I know and then leave your house anyway unless you get Ninian’s word. And you’re going to write to him now.
Dwight
You would leave your mother? And leave Ina?
Lulu
Leave everything.
Ina
Oh, Dwight! We can’t get along without Lulu.
Dwight
Isn’t this like a couple of women?… Rather than let you in for a show of temper, Lulu, I’d do anything.
[Writes.]
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Monona
[Behind Ina.]
Mama, can I write Uncle Ninian a little letter, too?
Ina
For pity sakes, aren’t you in bed yet?
Monona
It’s only quarter of.
Ina
Well you may go to bed now because you have sat there listening. How often must mama tell you not to listen to grown people.
Monona
Do they always say something bad?
Ina
Monona, you are to go up to bed at once.
[She makes her leisurely rounds for kisses.]
Monona
Papa, it’s your turn to hear me say my prayers to-night.
Dwight
Very well, pettie. When you’re ready call me.
[Exit Monona.]
There, Lulu. The deed is done. Now I hope you’re satisfied.
[Places the letter in his pocket.]
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Lulu
I want you to give me the letter to mail, please.
Dwight
Why this haste, sister mine? I’ll mail it in the morning.
Lulu
I’ll mail it now. Now.
Dwight
I may take a little stroll before bedtime—I’ll mail it then. There’s nothing like a brisk walk to induce sound restful sleep.
Lulu
I’ll mail the letter now.
Dwight
I suppose I’ll have to humor your sister, Ina. Purely on your account you understand.
[Hands the letter.]
Ina
Oh, Dwight, how good you are!
Lulu
There’s—there’s one thing more I want to speak about. If—if you and Ina go to your Aunt Mollie’s then Ninian’s letter might come while you’re away.
Dwight
Conceivably. Letters do come while a man’s away.
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Lulu
Yes. And I thought if you wouldn’t mind if I opened it⸺
Dwight
Opened it? Opened my letter?
Lulu
Yes, you see it’ll be about me mostly. You wouldn’t mind if I did open it?
Dwight
But you say you know what will be in it, Miss Bett?
Lulu
I did know till you—I’ve got to see that letter, Dwight.
Dwight
And so you shall. But not until I show it to you. My dear Lulu, you know how I hate having my mail interfered with. You shall see the letter all in good time when Ina and I return.
Lulu
You wouldn’t want to let me—just see what he says?
Dwight
I prefer always to open my own letters.
Lulu
Very well, Dwight.
[She moves away. Right.]
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Ina
And Lulu, I meant to ask you: Don’t you think it might be better if you—if you kept out of sight for a few days?
Lulu
Why?
Ina
Why set people wondering till we have to?
Lulu
They don’t have to wonder as far as I’m concerned.
[Exit.]
Mrs. Bett
I’m going through the kitchen to set with Grandma Gates. She always says my visits are like a dose of medicine.
[Exit Mrs. Bett.]
Ina
It certainly has changed Lulu—a man coming into her life. She never spoke to me like that before.
Dwight
I saw she wasn’t herself. I’d do anything to avoid having a scene—you know that…. You do know that, don’t you?
Ina
But I really think you ought to have written to Ninian. It’s—it’s not a nice position for Lulu.
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Dwight
Nice! But whom has she got to blame for it?
Ina
Why, Ninian.
Dwight
Herself! To tell you the truth, I was perfectly amazed at the way she snapped him up here that afternoon.
Ina
Why but Dwight⸺
Dwight
Brazen. Oh, it was brazen.
Ina
It was just fun in the first place.
Dwight
But no really nice woman⸺
Ina
Dwightie—what did you say in the letter?
Dwight
What did I say? I said, I said: “Dear Brother, I take it that the first wife story was devised to relieve you of a distasteful situation. Kindly confirm. Family well as usual. Business fair.” Covers it, don’t it?
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Ina
Oh, Dwightie—how complete that is.
Dwight
I’m pretty good at writing brief concise letters—that say the whole thing, eh?
Ina
I’ve often noticed that….
Dwight
My precious pussy…. Oh, how unlike Lulu you are!
[Right. Di and Bobby appear, walking very slowly and very near.]
[Dwight rises, holds out his arms.]
Ina
Poor dear foolish Lulu! oh, Dwight—what if it was Di in Lulu’s place?
Dwight
Such a thing couldn’t happen to Di. Di was born with ladylike feelings.
[They enter the house. Ina extinguishes a lamp. Dwight turns down the hall gas. Pause. Di and Bobby come to the veranda.]
Di
Bobby dear! You don’t kiss me as if you really wanted to kiss me to-night….
DARKNESS
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