IN DER SHWEED LONG AGO.

In der shweed long ago I dinked I vas shmard, Und I dinked I did vant me a vife To share all my money und sorrows und joys, Und to helb me along drough my life. I vanted a lady kind-hearted und goot, Dot vas handsome und sensiple doo, Dot cood blay der biano or cook a beefshdeak, Darn my shdockings or made me a shdew. She must nod be doo shmall-seized or neider doo dall, Und she musn'd be old or doo young, Und ven I vas shboking had visdom enuff To alwoys kebd quied her tongue. She musd nod be doo dark or agin be doo lighd— A kinder bedwixed und bedween; She musd nod knew doo leedle, or vorse, knew it all, Or be vat some beebles call "creen." She musd be good-nadured, vear always a shmile, No madder of dings did vent wrong; Ven my friends came around for to make me a call, Be ready to sung dem a song. Of der lodge bisness habben'd to kebd me oud lade, Und I come valdzing home "dighdly-shlighd," She musd pet und caress me, und dank her good shdars Dot I didn'd shdaid apsend all nighd. In a vord, be berfecd—mind, feature, und form— From her feet to der crown of her head. Now, dot vas der damsel dot I had in view, Und der von I vas villing to ved. Dot's a long dime ago, and my head dot vas pald, And I vas a pachelor shdill. My gal, I hafe nefer saw shkibbing round loose— Vat's more, I don'd dink dot I vill. Oofty Gooft.