AN IRISH LOVE-LETTER.
Reading edition
A SCENE FROM GEORGE M. BAKER'S NEW PLAY (FOR FEMALE CHARACTERS ONLY) IN THREE ACTS, ENTITLED "REBECCA'S TRIUMPH."
Characters: Katy, an Irish servant, Gyp, a colored girl; Dora, a young lady.
(Enter Katy, with a letter in her hand.)
Katy (turning letter over and over). An' sure I got a love-lether frum Patsy; an' phat will I do wid it I dunno. I can't rade, and the misthress is away wid the company girls. How will I find out phat's inside it? It's bothered I am intirely.
(Enter from L., through C. door, Dora.)
Dora. Ah, Katy! Is it ther yees are? Where's Mrs. Delaine's shawl? I see it. (Goes towards window R.)
Katy. If yees plase, Miss Dora, might I be after troubling yees?
Dora (comes down). Certainly, Katy. What's the trouble?
Katy. If yees plase, I have a lether.
Dora. From the ould counthry?
Katy. No, indade: it's from—it's from—sure you'll be afther laughin' if I tole yees.
Dora. Then you needn't tell me, Katy; I can guess. It's a love-letter.
Katy. An' who towld yees that?
Dora. Yourself, Katy, by the blushes on your cheeks and the sparkle in your eyes. You want me to read it for you?
Katy. If yees plase, Miss Dora. (Hands letter.)
Dora (opening letter). I shall learn all your secrets, Katy. Perhaps the young man would not like that.
Katy. Thin yees moight shkip the sacrets.
Dora (laughs). All right, Katy. (Reads.) "Lovely Katy."
Katy. That's me. Sure that's no sacret.
Dora (reads). "I take me pin in hand wid a bating heart, to till yees uv the sthrong wakeniss I have for yees."
Katy. Yees moight shkip that.
Dora (reads). "I have nather ate, dhrunk, nor slipt, for a wake."
Katy. Will, that jist accounts for the wakeniss.
Dora (reads). "Barrin' my thray males a day, an 'me pipe an' tobacyer."
Katy. An' he wid the hearty appetite!
Dora (reads). "An' all me slapeliss nights are fill wid drames of yees, Katy mavourneen."
Katy. Sure he's the darlin'.
Dora (reads). "I have yees phortygraff nailed to the hid uv me bid; and ivery night, afther I've blown out the candle wid me fingers, I tak a good look at it, an' if ye'll belave me, there's not a dry thread in me eyes."
Katy. Sure he was alwus tinder-hearted.
Dora (reads). "If yees don't belave me, tak a good look at yees own face before yees open the lether, and see if I have not cause to wape."
Katy. Sure I ought to have known that before the lether came.
Dora (reads). "If yees foind these tinder loins blotted wid tears, it's all owing to the bad quality uv the ink, which has compilled me to pin this wid a pincil."
Katy. That's no mather.
Dora (reads). "If yees don't recave this lether, or can't rade it, niver moind: ye'll know that all that's in it is the truth, an' nades nather radin' or writin' to till the same. So name the day, Katy darlin', whin me single blissidniss is to exphire, an' the mathrimoonial noose shlipped over the hid of yees lovin' and consolin'
Patsy Dolan.
"P.S.—These last lines are the poethry uv love.
"Second P.S.—To be rid fhirst. I inclose a ring for yees finger, which same yees will find in me nixt lether." That's all, Katy. (Hands back letter.)
Katy. It's jist illigant. I'm obleeged to yees.
Dora (takes shawl from chair). Quite welcome, Katy. When you get ready to name the day, I'll answer it for you. But be quick, Katy; for the poor fellow will not live long on "only his thray males a day, an' his pipe an' tobacyer." (Runs off C. to L.)
Katy (looks at letter). Sure it's a darlin' lether, an' Patsy Dolan's a broth uv a bye.
Enter R., Gyp.
Gyp. Ah, dar you is, Katy! Whar's de misses? Whar's Miss Becky? Whar's eberybody?
Katy. In the garden, sure. Yees may coom in, if yees wipe yers fate.
Gyp. Yas, indeed! How yer was? And how's Patsy Dolan?
Katy. He's will. I've jist recaved a lether from him.
Gyp. Dat so? Dat's good! Lub-letters am bery consolin' to de flutterin' heart. Got a letter, hab you? S'pose you red it frough and frough.
Katy. Sure I can't rade at all, at all.
Gyp. Dat so? Well, well! De ignoramance ob de foreign poperlation am distressin'.
Katy. Can you rade?
Gyp. Read? What you take me for? How else could I debour de heaps and heaps ob lub-letters dat I constantly receibe from my adorers?
Katy (Aside.) Faith, I'd loike to hear Patsy's lether again. (Aloud.) Thin plase rade this for me. (Hands letter.)
Gyp (confused). Wh-wh-what you take me fur? (Aside.) Golly! she cotch me den. (Aloud.) No, chile: dose tender confections am fur you alone, and dey shouldn't be composed to de world.
Katy. An' sure yees can't rade.
Gyp. What's that? Can't read? (Takes letter, and turns it round several times.) Berry long letter. Want to hear it all?
Katy. Ivery word.
Gyp (Aside.) Mussn't gib in. Spec dase all alike. (Aloud.) Ob course, ob course. (Pretends to read.) "Lubliest ob your sexes."
Katy. Sure that's not there.
Gyp (shows letter). See fur yerself, see fur yerself.
Katy. Go on wid the lether.
Gyp. "Sublimest ob de fair sexes, dis am a whale ob tears. Dar ain't no sunshine of moonshine widout you."
Katy. That's not thrue at all, at all.
Gyp (shows letter). Read it yerself, read yerself.
Katy. Go on wid the lether.
Gyp. "De moon on de lake am beamin', de lubly sunflower perfumeries in de garden, de tuneful frogs meliferously warble in de riber, an' de breezes blow fro' de treeses; but my lub, my lub, whar, oh, whar am she?"
Katy. I don't belave—
Gyp (as before). See fur yerself, see fur yerself!
Katy. Oh, quit yees talkin' an' talkin'. Go on wid the lether.
Gyp. "My lub she isn't hansum, My lub she isn't fair; But to cook de beef and 'taters Can't beat her anywhar."
Dat's potry, Katy, dat is; alwus find lots ob dat in lub-letters: it gibs dem a flabor.
Katy. I don't belave it's there.
Gyp (as before). See fur yerself, see fur yerself!
Katy. Go on wid the lether.
Gyp. Luf me see, wha was I? "Come rest on dis yere head your aching breast." Dey all got dat, Katy, an'—an' (aside), well, I'se jest puzzled fur more: guess we'll hab some more poetry (aloud) an'—an'—
"We'll dance all night till broad daylight, An' go home with de girls in de morning."
Katy. It's no such thing! Yer desavin' me, so yees are! Me Patsy wouldn't go home wid the girls at all, at all.
Gyp. See fur yerself, see fur yerself!
Katy (snatching letter). So I will. It's false and desateful yees are, for Miss Dora rid the lether, an'—an'—it was jist illegant, so it was an' it's yersilf.—bad luck to the loikes ov yees, whin yees can't rade! an' it's the blissid troth I'm tillin',—invintin' a bit uv blarney to make trouble betwane a poor girl an' her Patsy. Away wid yees!
[Exit door R.
Gyp. Well, I guess she fooled me dat time. No use. Dar's alwus trubble interferin' in lub affairs, jest like domestic affairs: when man and wife am fighting, ef you try to be a messenger ob peace, ef you don't look out, you'll git de broomstick onto yer own head.
[Exit.
YANKEE DIALECT RECITATIONS.
Edited by GEORGE M. BAKER.
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CONTENTS.
PAGE
Goin' Somewhere M. Quod 5
Old Farmer Grey Gets Photographed John H. Yates 8
Speech of the Hon. Perverse Peabody on the Acquisition of Cuba 10
Widder Green's Last Words 13
Widow Stebbins on Homœopathy C. F. Adams 14
Farmer Bent's Sheep-Washing 16
The Little Peach 17
Mr. Pickwick's Romantic Adventure with a Middle-aged Lady in Yellow Curl-Papers Dickens 18
Goin' Home To-day W. M. Carleton 24
Jakie on Watermelon Pickle 25
Putty and Varnish Josh Billings 26
London Zoölogical Gardens 28
Aurelia's Unfortunate Young Man Mark Twain 29
The Old Ways and the New John H. Yates 31
The Bumpkin's Courtship 33
The Ballad of the Oysterman Oliver Wendell Holmes 35
The Deck Hand and the Mule 36
A Lay of Real Life Thomas Hood 37
Middlerib's Rheumatic Cure R. J. Burdette 39
Two Fishers Harper's Weekly 43
Jim Wolfe and the Cats Mark Twain 44
Mr. Stiver's Horse J. M. Bailey 46
Mosquitoes Kaleb Keating 50
The City Man and the Setting Hen 51
The Owl Critic James T. Fields 53
The Man with a Cold in His Head 54
Forcible Entry J. M. Bailey 5?
The Village Sewing Society 57
Yankee Courtship 59
The Patter of the Shingle 63
The Paper Don't Say 64
The Jonesville Singin' Quire Betsey Bobbitt 65
The Knife-Grinder George Canning 69
Malaria 70
The Story of the Bad Little Boy who Didn't Come to Grief Mark Twain 72
Mr. Caudle and His Second Wife Douglas Jerrold 75
Mollie or Sadie 78
The Baffled Book Agent 79
She Would Be a Mason James C. Leighton 80
The Loves of Lucinda Mark Melville 83
Something Split 87
From the Sublime to the Ridiculous 88
A Howl in Rome Bill Nye 89
Butterwick's Weakness 93
The Old Man Goes to Town J. G. Swinnerton 95
Mr. Watkins Celebrates Detroit Press 98
The Squire's Story John Phœnix 99
The Conversion of Colonel Quagg George Augustus Sala 100
In the Surf 105
Variegated Dogs Peck 107
Judge Pitman's Watch Max Adeler 110
An Æsthetic Housekeeper 111
"Mebbe" Joe's True Fish Story 112
Aunt Sophronia Tabor at the Opera 114
The Village Choir Andre's Journal 117
The Light From Over the Range 118
The Christening E. T. Corbett 121
Mr. Covill Proves Mathematics J. M. Bailey 123
Mary's Lamb on a New Principle 124
Address of Spottycus 125
Our Visitor, and What He Came For 128
In the Catacombs H. H. Ballard 130
The Showman's Courtship A. Ward 132
Clerical Wit 134
Greely's Ride Mark Twain 135
No Yearning for the Beautiful Max Adeler 138
A Very Naughty Little Girl's View of Life 141
Burdock's Goat 142
Awfully Lovely Philosophy 145
Aunt Parsons' Story Presbyterian Journal 146
The National Game 151
A Disturbance in Church Max Adeler 153
The Engineer's Story Eugene J. Hall 155
The Judge's Search for a Waterfall Harper's Magazine 156
The Railroad Crossing 158
Asking the Gov'nor 159
Intensely Utter Albany Chronicle 162
The Way Astors Are Made J. M. Bailey 164
A Mysterious Disappearance Dickens 166
THE GRAND ARMY SPEAKER.
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CONTENTS.
PAGE
The Rescue John Brownjohn 5
Decoration T. W. Higginson 8
The Little Black-eyed Rebel Will Carleton 9
The Palmetto and the Pine Mrs. Virginia L. French 11
Battle Hymn Korner 13
The Song of the Dying 14
By the Alma River Miss Mulock 15
At the Soldiers' Graves Robert Collyer 17
The Sergeant of the Fiftieth 18
The Minute-men of '75 George William Curtis 19
Blue and Gray 21
Custer's Last Charge Frederick Whittaker 23
The Pride of Battery B F. H. Gassaway 25
The Cavalry Charge F. A. Durivage 27
The Last Redoubt 28
Kelly's Ferry Benjamin F. Taylor 30
Noble Revenge 34
Civil War Anonymous 35
"Dashing Rod," Trooper S. Conant Foster 36
The Tramp of Shiloh Joaquin Miller 38
The Sharpshooter's Miss Frank H. Gassaway 40
The Fight at Lookout R. L. Cary, jun. 44
The Countersign was "Mary" Margaret Eytinge 46
A Second Review of the Grand Army Bret Harte 47
The Bivouac of the Dead 49
The Tramp George M. Baker 52
The Canteen 55
The Charge by the Ford 56
Harry Brandon Edmund E. Price 58
Post Number Three Sherman D. Richardson 59
The Patriot Spy F. M. Finch 62
The Dandy Fifth Frank H. Gassaway 63
The American Flag Joseph Rodman Drake 66
Somebody's Darling Anonymous 68
"Little Potter's" Story 69
The Bravest Boy in Town Emma Huntington Nason 71
Our Folks Ethel Lynn 74
"Picciola" 76
"Fall in" Mary Clemmer 78
"The Boys who Never Got Home" George W. Peck 79
Abraham Lincoln and the Poor Woman 80
Elizabeth Zane John S. Adams 82
Keenan's Charge 84
The Old Canteen 86
Mobile Bay 88
Ravenswood's Oath A. Wallace Thaxter 90
The Story of the Swords Adelaide Cilley Waldron 91
"Only a Crippled Soldier!" J. Russell Fisher 93
Somebody's Pride Clement Scott 97
My Wife and Child Henry Rootes Jackson 98
The Song of the Drum I. E. Diekenga 99
"Bay Billy" Frank H. Gassaway 102
Sheridan's Ride 106
"Them Yankee Blankits" Samuel W. Small 108
The Soldiers' Monument John L. Swift 110
The Crutch in the Corner John McIntosh 112
Roll-call 113
The Cruise of the Monitor George M. Baker 115
Missing 117
Decoration Day Mary Bassett Hussey 118
Back from the War T. De Witt Talmage 120
A Piece of Bunting Hon. F. W. Palmer 121
Grant's Strategy Judge Veazey 123
The Charge at Valley Maloy 124
The Hero-woman George Lippard 126
Union of Blue and Gray Paul H. Hayne 130
After "Taps" Horace Binney Sargent 131
The Soldier's Reprieve Rosa Hartwick Thorpe 133
At Arlington James R. Randall 135
The Man with the Musket H. S. Taylor 137
A Baby Peacemaker Herbert W. Collingwood 138
The Veterans General Sherman 141
Barbara Frietchie Whittier 142
What Saved the Union 144
Re-enlisted Lucy Larcom 145
The Soldier's Dream C. G. Fall 147
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CONTENTS.
PAGE
How Teddy Saved His Bacon 5
Mr. O'Hoolahan's Mistake 7
The Last of the Sarpints 9
The Irish Boy and the Priest 11
An Irish Wake 12
Biddy's Philosophy R. H. Stoddard 14
Reflections on the Needle Cormac O'Leary 15
The Red O'Neil Thomas S. Collier 16
Deaf and Dumb Anna F. Burnham 20
Mr. Murphy Explains His Son's Conduct 21
A Ram for Ould Oireland 22
The Gridiron William B. Fowle 23
The "O'Meara Consolidated" Va. City Enterprise 26
Paddy's Metamorphosis Moore 28
The Widow O'Shane's Rent 29
Why Biddy and Pat Got Married 30
Don Squixet's Ghost Harry Bolingbroke 31
Mr. O'Gallagher's Three Roads to Learning Captain Marryat 33
Two Irish Idyls Alfred Perceval Graves 37
The Broken Pitcher 39
Paddy's Excelsior Harper's Magazine 40
The Irish Philosopher 41
Mary Maloney's Philosophy Philadelphia Bulletin 42
Bridget McRae's Wedding Anniversary Nina Gray 44
Paddy O'Rafther Samuel Lover 45
Pat's Reason 47
O'Branigan's Drill W. W. Fink 47
Pat and the Pig 48
Pat and the Oysters 50
A Penitent Margaret Eytinge 51
Mike McGaffaty's Dog Mark Melville 51
Jimmy Butler and the Owl 53
Tipperary 56
Pat's Dream of Heaven 58
Biddy's Troubles 61
Make It Four, Yer Honor 62
The Post-Boy Mrs C. J. Despard 64
That Fire at the Nolans' Life 67
Ninety-Eight 70
Pat's Bondsman Lilian A. Moulton 71
Washee, Washee Joaquin Miller 73
Annie's Ticket 74
O'Thello Harper's Magazine 76
Lanty Leary Samuel Lover 77
Katie's Answer 78
Paddy's Dream 79
Lessons in Cookery Detroit Free Press 80
The Irish Traveller 82
Teddy's Six Bulls 82
A Miracle Charles H. Webber 84
Pat and Miss Skitty Bessie Bently 84
At the Rising of the Moon Leo Casey 86
The Irish Schoolmaster 87
How Dennis Took the Pledge 89
When McGue Puts the Baby to Sleep 90
The Confession Samuel Lover 91
Father Phil's Collection Samuel Lover 92
St. Patrick's Martyrs 100
Pat's Correspondence W. M. Giffin 102
Little Pat and the Parson 104
Patrick O'Rouke and the Frogs George W. Bungay 105
Widow Malone Charles Lever 108
The Birth of St. Patrick Samuel Lover 109
Murphy's Mystery of the Pork Barrel 110
Paddy Blake's Echo Samuel Lover 111
A Cook of the Period 112
Larry's on the Force Irwin Russell 113
Pat and the Frogs R. M. T. 114
Paddy's Courting W. A. Eaton 116
A Bit of Gossip Josephine Pollard 118
Paddy and His Pig 120
Teddy McGuire and Paddy O'Flynn Amanda T. Jones 121
Paudeen O'Rafferty's Say-Voyage 125
Irish Astronomy Charles G. Halpine 128
Paddy McGrath's Introduction to Mr. Bruin 129
Larrie O'Dee W. W. Fink 131
Irish Coquetry 132
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