Volume 3 — Our Rural Mail Box

Jack Tar—Tell her that it was a balloon.

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Ima Frade—If you are gun-shy, go with a soldier, then you’ll soon get used to having arms around you.

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Fumey Gait—A bully game of cards would be Pedro.

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Gracie—The mere fact that the tears run down the back of a cross-eyed person does not indicate they have bacteria.

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Dora Knobs—A cigarette and a bottle of beer are sure to make a delightful breakfast for a lady of careless morals after a night of arduous cavorting.

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Tooth Ache Kid—When suffering from a violent toothache in the hollow of a tooth, fill the cavity with whisky and hold there thirty seconds with your head cocked to one side. Swallow whisky and refill cavity. Repeat this treatment a few hundred times and if it doesn’t give relief, try wood alcohol instead.

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Brother Eagle—When suffering from exhaustion, the patient should be put in a cool shady wine room. A Scotch and soda in a tall thin glass with plenty of ice may be given at intervals, and should a tickling ensue give patient pink sporting page and turn on phonograph. Continue this treatment until patient kicks phonograph into the alley. This is what is known as the negative test and is proof of patient’s recovery.

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Ab. Doman—Yes, married men make the best husbands.

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Kauph E. Keuler—If you can’t drink coffee out of a saucer without scalding your nose, use a bowl.

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Herr Nett—When you make a present to a woman, always leave the cost tag on it; it will save her a trip downtown.

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All Readers—I would like to know whether a zebra is a white animal with black stripes or a black animal with white stripes.—Captain Billy.

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Pee-Ess

Eat, drink and be merry, for tomorrow your bootlegger may get caught.