Volume 2 — Pasture Pot Pourri
Reading edition
No, Madeline, “The Charge of the Light Brigade” does not refer to your gas and electric bills.
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Bedroom Farcical Maxims
Never retire in a garage unless you auto, and— Never sleep in a stable for a stall.
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Love is the intoxication of joy—marriage is the D.T’s.
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Here We Are—In Again
Policeman Knife had by his wife A set of bouncing twins; One took a cough which took it off From this abode of sins; Number one no sooner died And into the coffin slid, When number two took the flu And joined the other kid.
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She only weighs two pounds less than a horse.
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THERE ARE A THOUSAND THINGS LIFE’S WORTH LIVING FOR. ONE IS WINE, ONE IS SONG—AND THE OTHER 998 ARE WOMEN.
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I got a girl named Stella, She’s got a mouth like an open umbrella; She’s knock-kneed, crippled, her eyes turned in— But a darn good girl for the shape she’s in.
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Woman
Rocks whereon greatest men have often wrecked.
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If all the trees had limbs like thine, I think the woods would be divine.
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“No one seems to kick about the high cost of hooch these days.”
“Of course not; the kick is in the drink.”
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They were married and lived happily ever after—next day.
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I asked our stenog. why firemen wear red suspenders. She said, “Those I know don’t.”
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I know a man without a sin—he is dead.
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Kiss Fighters
Rose is game; Mary’s pretty small; Nellie fights back,—but I like them all.
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Life is just one damnthing after another—and love is just two damnthings after each other.
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Why do you wear your stockings inside out?
Because there is a hole on the other side.
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A news item says knee pants for men are bound to come. I wonder if the women will stand on the street corner and admire our shapely (?) laigs? And will men wear silk hose of green and pink and purple hues, with “Jacob’s ladders” showing? Let us pray.
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Alphabetical Stuff
Y Y U R
Y Y U B
I C U R
Y Y 4 Me.
But we won’t keep you in suspense—Two wise you are, two wise you be; I see you are, too wise for me.
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Teacher—“Willie, can you tell me the definition of an hangar?”
Willie—“A place where airplanes are hung.”
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A Montevidious Comparison
(From the Montevideo, Minn., American)
In Albert Lea, the other day, a man was shot dead when found with another man’s wife. If this practice were strictly adhered to in Montevideo the undertakers would be rushed to death.
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Pertinent Question
(From Portland Oregonian.)
Young womanhood that wears wrist bottles and check corsets is not typical of the best. Do their mothers know their route?
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Tell It to the Judge
In a recent scandal case in New York, a lady declined to answer a question because, she said, “It wasn’t fit to tell decent people.”
“Oh, well,” replied the lawyer, “just step up and whisper it to the judge.”
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Our Short Story
He—Cold, Hon’? She—About to freeze! He—Want my coat? She—Just the sleeve!
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The Glorious Daze
Two drunks hanging on a lamp post at 2 A. M.
No. 1—Shay, d’you know Tom Perkins?
No. 2—No, what’s his name?
No. 1—Who?
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Daytona Beach Ballad
Come all you reformers, if you want to raise ’ell. Here comes a woman from the Breakers Hotel, With dropped-stitched stockings, And high-heeled shoes, A pack of cigarettes And a bottle of booze.
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Always smile—It gets you something.