Volume 2 — A Dilemna De Luxe

By MARGARET MANNERS

It was embarrassing, to say the least! The young man strove vainly to retain his equilibrium, also his hold upon the inert form in his arms. But the color mounted in a vivid flush of red to his very blonde hair.

Then the nearby group of watchers laughed. He was still more confused. The auburn locks of the fair figure in his arms became loosened and fell in a cascade almost to the floor. The man was visibly disconcerted, and letting go with one hand, he clutched at his collar and gazed wildly down at the cold, upturned face.

With a renewed effort to escape the taunting eyes of the curious, snickering crowd, he gathered the slim figure to him once more, when a shout went up and, looking back, he saw that the gown he had hastily loosened at the neck of the fair vision when he had first come upon the scene, had slipped off and lay in a soft silken heap at his feet. He was painfully aware that all that remained to view was the daintiest of filmy lingerie, and sheer, silken hosiery. One tiny pump had fallen off.

The young man thought he would faint if he did not escape the crowd that had rapidly grown to a curious mob. The sight of a very flushed youth, holding the limp female figure in his awkward arms, scantily clad, beautiful face impassive, instead of exciting sympathy, brought forth only mirth at his clumsy attempts to withdraw. Evidently such an experience had never occurred to the embarrassed youth before, but he rallied and finally reached the door.

As he started through, carefully, almost tenderly holding the lovely form, the delicate crepe de chine underslip caught on the little glass doorknob; to his utter chagrin, he let go altogether, leaning against the framework of the door; this was too much!

Wildly he thought of abandoning his duty, when the stern voice of a very dapper, wax-mustached, and excited gentleman who forced his way through the door, brought him up with a jerk.

“What ees the matter with you?” almost shrieked the head floorwalker of “The Elite Modes” shop. “Look, look!” he cried, gesticulating wildly, “worse than ze bull in ze china-closet! Go back to where you belong, and stay there!”

The new window dresser of “The Elite Modes” gave one look at the broken nose of the wax window-model which he had dropped, and fled—back to his old love, the gingham department!

* * *

“It is forty years since my husband even kissed me,” complained a woman in Hennepin county divorce court.

There is much pathos in that “even.”

* * *

The Sinai Joke

A bishop who had been widely advertised for a speech at Westminster Abbey, was greeted by a record-breaking audience. The famous Abbey was crowded to the doors.

As the bishop stepped to the rostrum and opened the good book he said, “I will take for my text today, ‘And when the Lord ascended Mt. Sinai, What did he say?’” And, looking at those assembled in the balcony, he said again, in a louder voice, “‘And when the Lord ascended Mt. Sinai, What did he say?’” And once again, looking upward to the gallery, he shouted (as if waiting for an answer), “‘And when the Lord ascended Mt. Sinai, What did he say?’”

A little Australian buddy, unable to contain himself any longer, rose from his place in the rear and, standing on his seat, raised his hand: “I’ll bite, bishop, wot did ’e say?”

* * *

Nice Burglar

“Oh, Myrtle! Weren’t you frightened to death when that burglar broke into your room?”

“Frightened is no name for it; I was dressing.”

“Mercy, how embarrassing! Whatever did you do?”

“Oh, he was very considerate, he covered me with his revolver.”

* * *

She may be deaf but she’ll get her hearing the morning.

* * *

Out of the Past

A rookie, all dolled up in his new uniform and ready for first liberty, strutted down the steps of the barracks and met the colonel coming up. The silver eagles of the colonel’s shoulder straps meant nothing in this rookie’s young life, and he was about to pass with only a casual glance. The colonel, feeling somewhat different, addressed the lad in an impressive voice: “Young man, how long have you been here?” The rookie’s face radiated surprise and gladness at having thus been noticed by an apparent old timer, and he eagerly replied: “Why, I been here three days, how long you been here?”

* * *

A New Label

OLD CORNO 100 Poof Bottled In Barn Aged In Woods MADE OUT OF SPRING 1919 BOTTLED ALL OF 1920 Guaranteed to Conform with All Pure Fool and Drunk Acts

* * *

“It says in this paper that Lloyd George castigated the German delegates,” growled Panhandle Pete, glancing up from a paper all stained with near-beer.

“And that’s just what they had a-comin’,” vigorously assented his pal.

* * *

It is easy to be generous to another man’s wife.