[SCENE 4.]
Reading edition
Enter Courtwell, Sister and Device.
Cou. So, we are fast enough, and now I have thee Ile tell thee all the fault I find; thou hast A little too much witt to bee a wife; It could not be too nimble for a Mistresse.— Device, there is a part still of your pennance Behind. You would pretend to be a Poet; Ile not disgrace the name to call thee one, But let me have rimes against we go to bed, Two Anagrams that weigh an ounce, with coment, And after that in verse your Affidavit That you do wish us joy, and I discharge you.
De. Tis tyme I were at study then.
Cou. About e'm: Your double congey and depart with silence. [Exit Device. Now prethe tell me who reported I Had wrong'd a Ladie? Wast not thy revenge To make me angrie?
Sis. Twas, indeed. Now tell me: Why at the first approach seem'd you so modest? You have confidence to spare now.
Cou. Troth I came not With any wooing purpose; only to please My Uncle, and try thy witt; and that converted me.
Enter Thomas.
Tho. Did you see my Master, Captaine Underwit?
Cou. Yes, hee's talking with the priest and Mistris Dorothy.
Tho. Her fathers footman was here; she is a knights daughter And heire, but she does not know it yet.
Sis. I thinke so.
Cou. Where's my Uncle.
Tho. A mile ons way to London by this tyme with Sir Richard. I long to see my Master. [Exit.
Cou. Wee shall want companie to dance.
Enter Ladie.
Sis. My Sister.
Cou. If you please, Madam, you may call me Brother: We have been at 'I John take the Elizabeth'. A possett and foure naked thighes a bed To night will bid faire earnest for a boy, too.
Sis. Tis even so; Madam, the preist has done it.
La. May then all joyes attend you; if this had Been knowne, it might have staid Sir Richard and Your Uncle one day more.
Enter Underwit, Dorothy, Captaine, Thomas.
Un. Come for another Couple.
Tho. In hell[277]; my Master is married.
La. My husband left some letters and a token Was sent you Mistris Dorothy. You did ill To obscure your selfe so much; you shall not want Hereafter all respects that may become you.
Do. Madam, I know not what you meane.
Cap. She wonot take it upon her yet.
Un. Theres the sport.
Enter Device.
De. Oh, Madam, newes, ill newes, an accident Will blast all your mirth: Sir Francis—
Cou: La. What of him?
De. Has brooke—
Cou. His neck?
De. You guest very neere it, but his shoulder Has sav'd that joynt. A fall from's horse, they say, Hath much endanger'd him.
Cou. My Uncle hurt! [Exit.
La. He has kept his word; now if he but counterfeit handsomely.
Un. Mounsier Device, I must entreat a Courtesie; you have wit, and I would have a Masque to entertaine my new father-in-law Sir Walter Littleland. Mistres Dorothy, now my wife, is his onely Daughter and heire.
Do. Who has guld you thus? I am no knights Daughter; You may share your poeticall invention, sir.
De. Give you joy, Captaine.
Un. She is still loth to confesse it.
Enter Sir Francis, Lady, Courtwell, Sister, Captaine.
Fra. If you have charity a bone setter.
La. He does counterfeit rarely.—Wheres Sir Richard?
Fra. He rid before, but I sent my footman to tell him this misfortune. Oh, Madam!
La.—This is better then the toothack; he carries it excellently.
Fra. Aske me no torturing questions; I desire, Madam, a little conference with you. Ile thanke the rest if they withdraw: oh!
[Cou.[278]] Letts leave him.
Un. Wee'le to my chamber, captaine.
Cap. You have a mind to examine the business privatly?
Do. No, good Captaine, you may be present.
Cou. Come, Thomas, thou shat be witnes, too.
[Ext. all but Sir Francis and Lady.
La. They are gone; they feigne most artificially, Let me embrace you.
Fra. Oh, take heed.
La. What's the matter?
Fra. Tis no dissembling,—Madam; I have had A fall indeed, a dreadfull fall; I feele it. I thinke my horse saw the Divell in some hedge: Ere I had rid three furlongs, gave a start, Pitcht me of ons back like a barr and broke A flint with my shoulder, I thinke, which strooke fire too; There was something like it in my eyes, Ime punish'd.
La. But is this serious? are you hurt indeed?
Fra. Hurt? I ha broke my shoulder feelingly, And I am of opinion when I doe Enjoy you, Madam, I shall breake my neck; That will be next. Ile take this for a warning And will leave of in tyme.
La. This makes me tremble.
Fra. I will be honest now; and so forgive me. Not the Surgeon come yet?
La. Heaven hath cur'd us both.
Fra. I am not cured yet. Oh for the bone setter! If ere I counterfeit agen.
La. There is a blessing falne upon my blood. Your only charme had power to make my thoughts Wicked, and your conversion disinchants me; May both our lives be such as heaven may not Grieve to have shew'd this bounty.
Enter Courtwell.
Cou. Sir Richard, Madam.
La. You may enter now, sir.
Enter the rest and Sir Richard.
Ri. I do not like this stratageme; Sir Francis Must not heere practise his Court tricks; I wo'not Enter Surgeon. Trust my wives surgerie. Hee's come.—How ist, Noble Sir Francis? Best withdraw; ile see Him drest my selfe. [They lead out Sir Francis.
Enter Underwit, Dorothy, Captaine, Thomas.
Un. Madam and gentlemen, Mistris Dorothy wo'not acknowledge she is a knight's daughter; she sweares she knows no Littleland.
Do. Till it appeare to whom this gemme was meant, Deare Madame, be you treasurer. I confesse I have wealth enough in such a noble husband.
La. It shall belong to thee; be honest, Dorothy, And use him well.
Do. With my best study, Madam.
La. Where is the footman you talke of?
Tho. He pretended Letters to carry two mile of to a kinsman of his Masters, and returne presently. He dranke three or fower beere glasses of sack, and he ran away so lightlie.
Do. His reward shall overtake him.
Un. Will you have her? she will doe you service, Captaine, in a Low Country[279] Leaguer. Or thou, Thomas? ile give thee a Coppiehold.
Tho. You have one life to come in that lease, yet I thank you: I am free, and that's inheritance; for ought I know she may serve us both.
La. Come you may perswade her to looke high and take it upon her for your credit. The gullery is yet within these walles; let your shame goe no farther. The wench may prove right, she may.
Enter Sir Richard.
La. What news from Sir Francis?
Ri. Wife, I hardly aske thee forgivenes; I had jealous thoughts, but all's right agen.
La. I will deserve your confidence.
Ri. No great danger, his blade bone dislocated; the man has put everything in his right place.
Un. Dee heare, Sir Richard? wee are married.
Ri. Tis well done, send you joy; tis to my mind.
Un. Come hither, Dorothy.
Cap. But where's Mr. Engine?
Ri. He rid before.
Cap. If the rascall have any wit left he will ride quite away with himselfe; tis his best course to fly oversea.
Tho. If he were sure to flie, he were sure to escape.
Cap. At the worst, drowning is a most [sic] honourable death then hanging.
Do. My mother died, I have it by tradition, As soone as I was borne; my father (but No knight) is now i'th Indies, a poore Merchant, That broke for 20,000 pounds.
Ri. The shipps may come home. Hee!
Do. You were best use me well, now we are married. I will be sworne you forc'd me to the Church And thrice compeld me there to say I Dorothy. The Parsons oath and mine, for ought I know, May make it halfe a rape.
Ri. There is no remedy; We can prove no conspiracie. And, because I have been gulld my selfe, gett her with child, —My Doe is barren,—at birth of her first baby Ile give her a hundred peeces.
Un. That's somewhat yet, when charge comes on. Thy hand! a wife can be but a wife: it shall cost me 500 pounds but ile make thee a Ladie in earnest.
Enter Sir Francis and Surgeon.
Ri. How ist, Sir Francis?
Fra. My Surgeon sayes no danger; when you please, I may venture, Sir, to London.
Ri. No hast now.
Cou. Not to-night, Sir; wee must have revells and you salute my Bride.
Un. And mine.
Tho. A knights Daughter and heire.
Fra. May all joy thrive upon your Loves. —Then you are cosend of your Mistres, Mounseir?
Do. But your nephew knowes I have met with my match. Some bodie has been put to the sword.
Ri. Come, we loose tyme.
Fra. Preserve your marriage faith: a full increase Of what you wish confirme your happinesse.
[Exeunt.