[SCENE 3.]

Enter Captaine and Underwit.

Un. Stand right to your files, make even your rankes, silence! Front to the right hand. As you were. To the right hand about. By the left hand. As you were. Rankes to the right double. Rankes as you were. Rankes to the left double. Midlemen to the right hand double the front; as you were,—to the left, —double the front; middle-men to the right entire [or[251] by division] double the front; files to the right,—to the left,—to the right hand countermarch,—to the right,—to the left,—wheele about—

Cap. Ran tan: enough,—you must not wast your lunges Too much at once. March faire and make a Captaine. When these words of Command are rotten (rooted?) wee Will sowe some other military seeds. You beare[252] a braine and memory.

Un. I hope so.

[Cap.[253]] And now you are chose a Captaine for your Countrey You must give good example to your Soldiers And cherish nature after exercise: You must drinke sack, sack is a fortifier. Come, wee'le to the taverne.

Un. With all my heart.

[Enter Mr. Courtwell.

Here's Mr. Courtwell: lett's take him with us.

Cap. My costive Countrey man? hee's an Anabaptist: he wonot drinke, and yet kist the Cupp of last night, me thought, when his Mistres— drank to him: wee'le try. How ist, my man of mortall breeding?

Cou. My man of warre, trebonn.—Your servant, Captaine.

Cap. Why, this was spoke like one of us; canst doo't Agen? thy voice is more authentick, soundes As I have heard a Cavalliers in taverne, Or like the merry master of the Dragon, Small Neptune, that controlls the rich Canaries, When he Comaunds the Tritons of his cellar 'Skud, and bring wine, you varlotts, with a flavour For my Nobilitie.' Wee were conspiring To goe to'th taverne.

Cou. Ile make one, gentlemen, to wash away some melancholy.

Cap. Spoke boldlie, like an Argonaute.

Cou. I am not now in London, Upon a hall day marching with the puisnes, Twenty on's in a teame, to Westminster In our torne gownes, embroiderd with Strand dirt, To heare the Law.

Cap. Is not thy father dead, thou talkst so well? How I was cosend in thee: come away.

Enter Thomas.

Un. Here's my man Thomas.

Cap. Now the Newes, Sir Tristram.

Tho. Oh the Gentleman is mad.

Un. What gentleman?

Tho. Why, Mr. Engine that did faint last night.

Un. With feare of being hang'd for his projections.

Cou. My Uncle told me of him.

_Cap. Let him to Bedlam then; what makes he here? Clean straw and a good whip are held restoratives.

Tho. He walkes and talkes the madliest; twenty midwives Are nothing to him, he drownes all their noise. His tongue is twenty ring of Bells, and yett He seemes so merry.

Enter Engine.

En. Save you, gentlemen, gallants, Cavalliers. How farre travell you: me thinkes you are very finely accomodated. Are you a Doctor, sir?

Cap. No, but I can tell you how to purge, and please you.

En. You say very well. Troth, gentlemen you must pardon me: cry you mercy, your name is Captaine Underwit.

Un. Yes, sir, but my mother came of the Over-muches by the Peake. She broke my father's hart, and Sir Richard buried her: things must be as please the starres.

En. What thinke you of the blazeing starre in Germany? according to Ptolmy tis very strange. Does the race hold at Newmarket for the Cup[254]? When is the Cocking, gentlemen? There are a parcell of rare Jewells to be sold now, and a man had money. I doe meane to build a very fine house next summer and fish ponds. What did you heare of the new play. I am afraid the witts are broke; there be men will make affidavit that [they] have not heard a good jest since Tarleton[255] dyed. Pray, may I crave your name, sir?

Cou. My name is Courtwell, sir.

En. In your eare; I have a cast of the best Marlins[256] in England, but I am resolv'd to goe no more by water but in my Coach. Did you ever see the great ship?[257]

Cap. I have been one of twenty that have dind in her lanterne.

En. It may be so; she is a good sailer. But ile tell you one thing: I intend to have the best pack of hounds in Europe; Sir Richard loves the sport well. And then if I can but find out the reason of the loadstone I were happie and would write Non Ultra.

Cap. The philosophers stone were better in my opinion. Have you no project to gett that?

Cou. That has startled him: I doubt this fellow does but counterfeit.

Un. What thinke you of the Dromedary that was to be seene at the back side[258] of the Bell.

En. I have seene a stranger beast.

Cap. So have I; I have seene you before now, sir.

En. Why then, ile tell you: the strangest beast that ever I saw was an Ostridge that eate up the Iron mynes. But now you talke of birds I saw an Elephant beat a Taylor in the fenceing schoole at his owne weapon.

Tho. The Spanish needle?

En. He did out eat him in bread, and that was miraculous. I have seene a Catamountaine[259] once; but all was nothing to the wench that turnd round and thred needles.

Cou. Troth, sir, I thinke you have turnd round, too, and are not setled yet.

En. Now you talke of setling I knew a gentleman, that was borne to a good fortune, sold all his land, went to sea in a Hollander, was taken by the Dunkirke; at seaven yeares end stole away in an English botome; after that saw both the Indies; for all this was taken by a Turks man of warre, put into the Gallies, and for ought I heare by credible report is not setled yet.

Tho. Sure he is a great scholler; a man cannot understand him.

Un. His braines are out of tune.

En. Now you talke of Musick theres no man in the world loves musick better then I,—ile give you the reason: I have been deafe almost this halfe yeare, and it came with a cold sitting up a primero.

Co. Now you talke of the cold it puts me in mind of the new device of fire for brewing and bakeing. Had you no hand in the project?

Cap. Againe hees startled: come, he shall to taverne with us and confess all. If he do not strip his soule stark naked to us, say I am no fortune teller.—Please you to honour our society: we are going to indulge at the taverne hard by.

En. You shall comand me, sir. Oh the Neats tongues and partargoes that I have eaten at Stillyard, but of all things in the world I do not love a black catt: next a brewers cart, there's nothing will stay a man so much in the night as a Constables. One word before you go, and I beseech you give me your opinion cleerely: was not the Morocco Ambasadour a very fine gentleman for a pagan?

Cap. Yes, surely, and the lead mines in Darbishire hold still for the Allom businesses. But come; will you walke, Sir?

En. I do use to goe a foote sometymes but when I ride; and then I must confesse there is no striving with the streame. You were in London lately: they say the people are more affected to beare baiting then in former tyme.

Cap. There are some a late are drawne like beares to the stake; but for your owne part the gout and the grand pox are all one to you. What price beare[s] meat in the shambles?

En. Flesh rises and falls as it us'd to doe, sir; but a Countrey life is the best when all's done. What thinke you of a bridg from Lion key to Flaunders? You may guess I talke at randum, gentlemen; but you must not interpret all foolish discourse a distemper of the braine: Lords would take it for a Scandalum Magnatum and your Ladies would bee angry too.

Enter Sir Francis and Lady.

Now you talke of Ladies—

Cap. By no meanes, Mr. Engin; that gentleman loves you not. Come, ile bring up the rere. Where's Thomas?

[Exeunt Underwit, Captain, Courtwell and Engine.

Tho. Ile follow, sir.—I would give my fower marks a yeare that I could talke like that mad gentleman. Hee's here and there and everywhere. How will his tongue run when his Coggs are oild; theile drench him! [Exit.

Fra. Although I mist a happines, I applaud Your nimble wit that securd both our honours. You have an excellent Instrument too o' your gentlewoman.

La. Oh she deliver'd to the life how you Were troubled with the Stone. At first I did Beleev't my selfe, and thinke of the sad consequence. But tyme is pretious now: although our Starres Have not been yet propitious to our meeting Ile try my art to night to make 'em shine. With happie influence on our Loves.

Fra. Most excellent Madam, how?

La. Ile not engage Your visit to my chamber, since the first Prov'd so unfortunate, but come to youres.

Fra. This night? wonot your husband be at home.

La. Yes.

Fra. You enjoy but one bed.

La. Without witchcraft, sir, I have a stratageme to delude my husband And all his jealous waking eyes, a plott That cannot faile if you dare but expect me.

Fra. I grow immortall with my hopes and fancie More than the worlds most pretious Empire in Our first embrace. I should runne back into An Infant once agen, and by degrees And tyme grow up to meet so vast a happines. Ages in expectation spent were poore And easy sufferings weigh'd against this triumph! Methinkes I am not man but something of A more exalted essence: humane nature Hath not capacity to understand And owne theis spatious blessings.

La. No more rapture; But with the confidence of a lover spread Your equall thoughts, and in your heart and armes Prepare an entertainement for that guest That hath no life or name but what you give. A kisse! and leave our soules to thinke upon The joyes this night attend us.

Fra. Sullen day, Do not tire now; tis downehill all the way.

[Exeunt severally.

Act the Fourth.