PAIR’D NOT MATCH’D.

OF wedded bliss Bards sing amiss, I cannot make a song of it; For I am small, My wife is tall, And that’s the short and long of it. When we debate It is my fate To always have the wrong of it; For I am small, And she is tall, And that’s the short and long of it! And when I speak My voice is weak, But hers—she makes a gong of it! For I am small, And she is tall, And that’s the short and long of it!

She has, in brief, Command in Chief, And I’m but Aide-de-camp of it; For I am small, And she is tall, And that’s the short and long of it! She gives to me The weakest tea, And takes the whole Souchong of it; For I am small, And she is tall, And that’s the short and long of it!

She’ll sometimes grip My buggy whip, And make me feel the thong of it! For I am small, And she is tall, And that’s the short and long of it! Against my life She’ll take a knife, Or fork, and dart the prong of it; For I am small, And she is tall, And that’s the short and long of it! I sometimes think I’ll take to drink, And hector when I’m strong of it; For I am small, And she is tall, And that’s the short and long of it! O, if the bell Would ring her knell, I’d make a gay ding-dong of it; For I am small, And she is tall, And that’s the short and long of it!