BULLS IN PARLIAMENT.

Some of the Mixed Metaphors Perpetrated in the English House of Commons Have Afforded Amusement for the Entire World.

For many years there has been an impression that the linguistic bull is a distinctively Irish animal. The fame of Paddy Bull is world-wide, but the fact is he often is compelled to answer for the sins of his neighbor, Johnnie Bull, who, as a perpetrator of mixed metaphors, is without a peer.

In no deliberative body in the world is the mixed metaphor so much in its element as in the British House of Commons. As examples of its activity in that institution, London Tit-Bits submits the following list:

"Sir, we are told that by this legislation the heart of the country has been shaken to its very foundations."

"Among the many jarring notes heard in this House on military affairs, this subject at least must be regarded as an oasis."

"The interests of the employers and employed are the same nine times out of ten—I will even say ninety-nine times out of ten."

"Our tongues are tied, our hands are fettered, and we are really beating the air to no purpose."

"I will now repeat what I was about to say when the honorable member interrupted me."

"The West Indies will now have a future which they never had in the past."

"A thorny subject which has long been a bone of contention among us."

"A slumbering volcano which at any moment a spark might set aflame."

"The honorable member would denude us of every rag of the principles which we have proclaimed from the housetops."

"Ah! The honorable member opposite shakes his head at that. But he can't shake mine!"

A well-known member of Parliament informed the House that an "oral agreement is not worth the paper it is written on."

Barristers are usually credited with possessing accuracy of speech, but some expressions recently reported indicate that they are capable of a blundering use of words. A member of the bar, in his opening speech for the defense, said:

"Gentlemen of the jury, the case for the crown is a mere skeleton, for, as I shall presently show you, it has neither flesh, blood, nor bones in it."

But a Leeds barrister outdid his competitors when he said fervidly:

"Gentlemen of the jury, it will be for you to say whether this defendant shall be allowed to come into court with unblushing footsteps, with the cloak of hypocrisy in his mouth, and take three bullocks out of my client's pocket with impunity."

In his "One Thousand and One Anecdotes" Alfred H. Miles records some exceptionally amusing bulls. Among these are the following:

Sir Boyle Roche described himself on one occasion as "standing prostrate at the feet of royalty"; and, in the days of threatened rebellion, wrote to a friend: "You may judge of our state when I tell you that I write this with a sword in one hand and a pistol in the other."

Even worse than the foregoing was the climax of an honorable member's speech in the House of Commons: "I smell a rat; I see it floating in the air; and, by heaven, I'll nip it in the bud!"

A Scotchwoman said that the butcher of her town only killed half a beast at a time.

A British magistrate, on being told by a vagabond that he was not married, responded: "That's a good thing for your wife."

A Portuguese mayor enumerated, among the marks by which the body of a drowned man might be identified when found, "a marked impediment in his speech."

A Frenchman, contentedly laying his head upon a large stone jar for a pillow, said it was not hard because he had previously stuffed it with hay.

An American lecturer solemnly said one evening: "Parents, you may have children; or, if not, your daughters may have."

Two Scotchmen were discussing the relative merits of churchyards and cemeteries when one of them boldly expressed his aversion to the latter in the remark, "I'd raither no dee ava than be buried in sic a place"; to which his companion retorted, "Weel, if I'm spared in life an' health, I'll gang naewhere else."