POSTSCRIPT BY WAY OF PREFACE.

LIBERTY and Property, are the two great Blessings, every British Subject claims, as his Birth right; why Mr. Breech should be denied this Benefit, I see no Reason, but his Shame-facedness to appear in his own Behalf. ’Tis true, he always sat in the House of Commons, being at all Elections unanimously chose as Representative for the Burrough of Rumpfort, but through Modesty was ever observ’d to keep behind Backs: He never open’d his Mouth in the House, but all the Members round nos’d him, and took Snuff at every thing he offer’d, because ’twas said, that in his younger Days, he had been a Button-maker (though falsely) for I remember him from his Youth, to have been a Wind-Merchant, which he vented by Hole-Sail and re-Tail. This Use put him under a constraint of being Silent, though he often grumbled inwardly for it.

He had two Sons; Sir Reverence, being the Younger, was Knighted by K. James; the other was a Noisy, Rattling, Cracking Fellow: He applied himself to the Practice of Musick and Phyz-ick, and was particularly famous for the Cure of the Wind-CHoleick, but none ever relish’d his Musical Performance. He married into the Family of the Swifts, and was so active in Running, that none could ever catch him, if he once got the Start.

Beside these two, there was another Foisted on him, but believing him to be illegitimate, he was ashamed to own him; he died young, and therefore made no Noise in the World.

This Mr. Breech, the Father of these, was a Man of a good Report, though some are so malicious to say, he us’d to play at FAST and LOOSE; he was sometimes sickly, which was imputed to his being formerly bit by a Tarantula, because he was always observed to be relieved by the playing of a Bag-pipe.

The hole History of his Life and Actions, has been lately published by a Learned and Reverend Doctor, wherein he makes him the Eighth Wonder of the World, and by way of Excellency over the other Seven, has stil’d him, the Most Wonderful of them all; and though he endeavour’d to conceal him under the dark Veil of an Enigma, yet we quickly smelt out his Hole Meaning. Tom Punsibi who first taught him his Ars in Presenti, was often very Smart upon him with his Puns, and he could digest every thing but that; Tom never looked him in the Face, but he made him tremble; they never met but Blows ensued, but Tom was always sure to come off Conqueror; but not withstanding, Tom has made a Convert of him, and instilled into him the Principles of Passive Obedience.

Now the Design of the following Essay, is to obtain Liberty for him to vent his Scent-iments freely, and that he may be Heard without Offence, and not be bound to keep Silence; since such a Freedom will prove so serviceable to the Fair Sex. If I have HANDLED THE SUBJECT to their good Liking I hope they will loudly Crack of the Benefit received, and That I shall judge a sufficient Reward for all my Trouble, who am

their most Humble Servant, Fart-in-hando Puff-indorst.

N. B. Some celebrated Toasts, convinc’d of the Strength of the ensuing Arguments, having attempted to bring the Practice herein recommended into Fashion at C—rt, ’twould be the highest Ingratitude, not to return Thanks (in this Edition demanded from their kind Applauses) to such fair and powerful Advocates, or to deny a Place for the following Lines on the laudable Performance of one of these famed Heroines.