Part 1 — "AVOIRDUPOIS"

I sing the song of a Fat Man Out on the skirmish line, With a pack chock full of lead and bricks A'hanging on behind. Maybe you think it's funny When you're out there on the run, Beside all that equipment To be pullin' half a ton. The Captain has a heart of stone It makes no odds to him; He's there to teach you to skirmish, And you'll skirmish fat or thin. D'you suppose he gives a tinker's damn If when you're lying prone, The pack comes up behind your ears And whacks you on the dome? He just hollers "fire faster," Though he knows you couldn't hit The broad side of a barn door, If you were fifty feet from it. He doesn't care a little bit, If you're gasping hard for breath, He's there to teach you to skirmish, If you skirmish yourself to death. Oh, well, it's true about fat men Being always full of fun, Good Lord, they've got to be, 'Cause they can neither fight nor run.