Volume 98 — HOW WE DO BUSINESS NOW.

BEAR COURT CHAMBERS, BULL LANE, E.C.

Circular 1059.

Telegraphic Address—SPIDER.

Telephone Number—BILLION.

My Dear Sir,—Now is the time to remit to me for the forthcoming big movements I intend to make during the current Month. If my last Circular proved true down to the very last letter, this one will be ten times truer. What did I say last month? I said there would be a big rise in Boomerang Rails, which were then at 11¾. In 57½ hours after my Circular was issued they had risen to 110-7/16, and many of my clients made thousands of pounds. One of them actually making the magnificent sum of £27,876 11s. 4¼d. I love to be accurate, so I give the exact amount.

Now is the time, I repeat. No one out of the millions of clients, from an Exalted Lady, whom delicacy forbids me to name, down to the junior waiter at the Pomona, ever lost by coming to me. I also advised, and I repeat it this month,

CHUCKSTER TOLL BAR BINKSES.

They were hardly quoted on the Stock Exchange—hardly known even—when I took them up on the 1st of April last year. Where are they now? At 119! And they will move on to 219 before the year ends. I have means of information possessed by none besides me. I have a wire of my own laid on to every Embassy house on the Continent; every attaché, every dragoman is my correspondent, and more than one Crowned Head has honoured me with the secrets of his last Council, or of his resolves on War or Peace. I myself am a Power. I can make and unmake and ruin homes as well as any Czar or Emperor.

But I bind the clients who trust me with bands of iron. Again I say buy

CHUCKSTER TOLL BAR BINKSES.

Remit the necessary Cover to me at once. Small sums combined make large ones, and you cannot be in too soon. Five-pence (a sum you would throw at a crossing-sweeper) covers Five Pounds. Here is my scale:—

£1covers £1000.

£5 " £5000.

£20 "£200,000.

But send me whatever you like, and it will prove the most important act of your life; one you will never forget.

Again I say buy

CHUCKSTER TOLL BAR BINKSES.

There is fascination in their very name. Don't do the thing weakly. Act on the advice of that great man Barry Lyndon, and speculate grandly. Take the history of one out of thousands of fortunes made by me for others:—

A BANK CLERK, hard up, desperately pressed by his duns, had received a small remittance from his father, a struggling Clergyman. The sum amounted to £50, just enough to pay the young fellow's bills, and leave him a paltry sovereign. Do you think he was such a fool as to have read my Circular in vain? He very wisely brought the money to me. I bought Boomerangs at 11¾. In 57½ hours that young man was a millionnaire. He has magnificent chambers on the Embankment; shows himself in the Row at the present time; would not look at a cigar under half-a-crown; and has not entirely forgotten the claims of his family, for to my knowledge he has remitted several pounds to his younger brothers.—Again I say,

BUY BOOMERANGS OR CHUCKSTERS.

One Word of Caution, and I conclude Circular 1059. Be very Cautious of Some People I know. Once trust yourself to them, and it is all U.P.—Wire immediately (and send the necessary cover) to

Yours truly,

ZACH. SPYDUR.

P.S.—When once you have tasted the joys of speculation, you will think and care for nothing else. The click of the Tape Machine is music to you. I have one going all night in my bed-room.

Suggestion for Advertisement of St. James's Theatre.—"As You Like It",—come and see it!

MADAME DIOGENES.

Diogenes. What are these better possessions you speak of?

Krates. Wisdom, self-sufficiency, truth, plain-speaking, freedom.

Lucian's Dialogues of the Dead.